If the name “Eden Wood” doesn’t ring any bells, perhaps this YouTube video “Drunken Slurring Dwarf Sings Cutie Patooty,” will jog your memory. Wood, the Toddlers and Tiaras spinoff star who famously creeped out the world in an appearance on The Talk, singing lines like “I’m a little something, girl, you know I’m not snooty” – because that’s what we all look for in a tarted-up four-year-old, “Thank God, this chick’s not a prude!” – is set to star in a direct-to-DVD update on Little Rascals, from the director of Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2. That’s right, the director of the original Beverly Hills Chihuahua‘s price was too high.
Universal Studios Home Entertainment is bringing back The Little Rascals, the adventures of misfit kids who first took the world by storm in the 1920s and ‘30s with black and white shorts produced by Hal Roach.
Doris Roberts, Greg Germann, and Lex Medlin are among the adult stars that have been cast in the still-untitled straight to home feature which starts shooting this week. [THR]
I don’t know who those people are, but I’m shocked neither Eugene Levy or Richard Karn made it out for this one. Wood would obviously play Alfalfa’s love interest, Darla, which might be a biiit of a stretch, in that she’s used to being an object of affection, but usually for men much older, weirder, more… “pedophilic.” The original Little Rascals (aka Our Gang) famously launched the career of Robert Blake, who would go on to shoot his wife in the face outside a spaghetti restaurant†, so this seems like an apt career trajectory for Eden Wood. And by that I mean anyone involved with Toddlers and Tiaras should be fired into the sun.
Slowed down, the video is tolerable. At regular speed, it’s f*cking terrifying. Eden Wood is like the aliens from Mars Attacks. Ack ack ACK!
Robert Blake was in the original Little Rascals, and look, he turned out just fine!
†His actual defense was that he couldn’t have shot her, because he went back into the restaurant to collect a gun that he had left there.
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The words Doris Roberts, adult star… if you see them close together… do not click that link.
A girl laughed and told me I had cutie patooty wood once. I got really embarrassed and covered it up.
(I had just whittled a Corgi puppy and I don’t take compliments well)
Quick! Everybody grab a Slim Whitman album and play it like you’ve never played a record before.
Celebrity Death Match Cutie Patooty vs. Honey Boo Boo or gtfo.
Is it Patootie or Patooty? My Google searches are being monitored by Chris Hansen (long story, don’t ask) so I can’t check for myself.
Something tells me it really won’t be long before she’s Eden Wood regularly.
The best thing about that video is how disgusted the hosts look, especially compared to that hemorrhoid of a mother clapping and spazzing next to them on the couch.
If this doesn’t end with one Li’l Rascal beating another to death for stealing his bit, everything will have been a waste.
Actually the best thing about this video is hat this is what it will sound like 20 years from now when she’s strung out on meth and stripped for cash and sings this in attempt to regain her former glory. When she’s not blowing guys for meth of course.
I expect the reality show spin machine to have a “re-union” type show by the time 2030 arrives. They can even break down each show into separate years, similar to vh1′s “I love the…” shows. For CP here (God, the fact that even her initials can also stand for “Child Porn” is unsettling enough), she’d be on a show that highlights all the reality stars of 2010.
And with the way tv and people’s general standards towards decency is going, I expect her episode to be titled:
“Peaking early in life sucks, but not as much as she does”
The only reason to be famous these days is so people can talk about how drunk and/or drugged out you were this week and compare it to before when you were adorable in your little pink getup. I get enough of all that as it is.