If Wahlburgers thought they were going to own the movie-related food market, they’ve got another thing coming, because MGM is partnering with Denny’s to offer Hobbit-themed breakfasts, second breakfasts, elevenses, afternoon tea, etc., as well as your basic drunk late-night face f*ck. Peter Jackson may never be thin again.
Starting Nov. 6, customers will be able to feast on 11 new breakfast, lunch and dinner dishes including the “Hobbit Hole Breakfast,” “Frodo’s Pot Roast Skillet” and “Build Your Own Hobbit Slam,” which includes new limited time holiday favorites such as “Pumpkin Patch Pancakes,” “Shire Sausage,” and “Seed Cake French Toast.” [UPI]
[and, according to the LA Times/I09] Gandalf’s Gobble Melt, “The Ring” Burger, Bilbo’s Berry Smoothies, Build Your Own Hobbit Slam and Radagast’s Red Velvet Pancake Puppies.
“Red velvet pancake puppies,” aka “deep-fried balls of dough.” That “Red velvet” crap must have a genius publicist, because red velvet isn’t that good. I guarantee if you ground up some plums in your cake mix and started calling it “imperial satin” the same dipshits would go nuts for it. Pretty much the opposite of “Hobbit Hole Breakfast,” which sounds like an unspeakable sex act. Anyway, I suppose Denny’s greasy dumpster slop might as well have a theme, and no one knows what the f*ck “moons over my hammie” is supposed to mean anymore, so there you go. I’m just sad Outback never teamed with Kevin James for “Here Comes the Bloomin’ Onion.”
Haha, you’re so stupid, grandma.
Related story: Last time I was doing stand-up in LA with Pauly and Joe King Sinclitico, Pauly and Joe went out for Denny’s the Thursday before I got into town. Joe started talking up the bus boy, asking him, “Man, I bet you see some crazy stuff here working the late shift. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever seen?”
Guy thinks about it, and says, “One time, this ninja came in and started doing backflips and everything.”
Joe laughs, says, “Really, some guy dressed like a ninja?”
The guy looks at Joe and goes, “Nah, man! He was like a fa real ninja!”
“Bilbo, it’s time to change your eating habits. You have diabetes.”
Here’s a more honest intro for the Denny’s Hobbit commercial:
[pics via I09]
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Snake-Eyes-Shark-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/IronMan3-Chinese-product-placement-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/James-Franco-dildo-cake-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/03/Dr-Who-Magazine-4-150x150.gif)
tl;dr;gh
Is Shoney’s still in business?
YOU SHALL NOT PASS your next physical.
One does not simply walk out of Denny’s without increasing their risk of a heart attack
Does a Hobbit-themed dish get inexplicably broken into three separate courses?
A regular Denny’s diarrhea lasts 3 hours, but the special edition goes well over 4.
“Hobbit Slam” is UNQUESTIONABLY a depraved sex act that Gandalf performed on an unwitting kiwi PA.
Slippin’ the Shire sausage deep into the Hobbit hole.
After a hearty Hobbit Slam nothing satisfies like the finest pipe weed in all the Farthing.
“Shire Sausage” is the special type of penis dermatitis you get from Lobelia Sackville-Baggins after she’s had a few too many at The Green Dragon! Wa’qa wa’qa!
(*editors note: the only known cure is to cast your penis into the fires of Mt. Doom!)
Lobelia definitely has a thing for “elevenses”. Girl can’t get enough Shire Sausage.
Denny’s will now force Orcs to wait longer and pay up front while allowing Hobbits, Dwarves, and Elves to be seated and served immediately.
At least meat’s back on the menu.
This stuff looks disgusting, but real red velvet cake is delicious. You shut your whore mouth about red velvet cake.
Agreed. My fave.
Thank you, I was just about to explain how red velvet cake is good, and especially good with real cream cheese for the frosting.
IT’S ONLY GOOD BECAUSE OF THE DAMNED FROSTING AND YOU CAN PUT THAT DAMNED FROSTING ON ANYTHING.
I’m glad to see someone else has come to the defense of red velvet cake.
And, no, it’s not just because of the frosting.
Jesus, the next time I hear some redneck badmouthing San Francisco, I’m just going to let them go on. Clearly it’s just full of godless heathens like Vince here.
Show me the blind taste test and I’ll believe you.
Whatever, cake sucks anyway. It’s like comparing apples to other types of apples. Who cares? Oranges are way better anyway. Pie over cake, and a bad donut over a good cupcake all day.
The problem is red velvet got really popular (haha almost typed poopular) and everyone offers some form of it. Which means there is a lot of bland red velvet whatevers out there. Good red velvet is good. Most of what you find isn’t.
Somewhere on a food forum people are arguing over movies.
I do agree with the pie > cake and donut > cupcake thing though.
Pie typically is superior to cake. I’m glad we can agree on that.
But good red velvet cake is the king of cakes. Unless you’re talking caramel cake.
Obviously none of you have had my pineapple/rum upside down cake.
Can pie get you drunk? Me thinks not.
I thought Vince just didn’t like sequels and prefers Blue Velvet cake.
This actually really depresses me. Food in the hobbit is supposed to be quaint and hearty.
What the hell is this stuff? Is that dried cornbread on a bed of rocks?
It’s like what hobbits would eat if they drove trucks for a living at 2 in the morning and wore denim shirts (actually I think I just described North Dakota and all of Canada).
Grrr.
“Pumpkin Patch Pancakes” is what I call Allyson Hannigan’s snootch.
“Red Velvet Pancake Puppies” is what happens when Christina Hendricks sits on your face.
I’ll have an order of the “Frodo’ Awkward Little Sausage Fingers” please.
Did Denny’s unwittingly contract out the marketing for this to Neil Hamburger?
This promotion should really help Denny’s erase their reputation of being hostile to black customers.
hence my orc joke
Red Velvet Cake: For those who like cake, just not moist cake.
Russell Simmons held a sparsely attended Def Hobbit Slam show in New Zealand, locals cited “Don’t understand sign language” as the main reason for not attending.
The Hobbit Hole is so delicious, I always lick around the edges…
of my plate.
What?
I swear one of those Gandalfs in the ad was Taran Killam. That guy will do anything to make awkward faces at a camera.
and here i thought peter jackson was done with having his name attached to splatterfests.
I lol’d HARD at your second paragraph.
DO MORE LA STANDUP