I’ve often said of Cam Gigandet that I’d rather staple my scrotum to a moving helicopter rotor than have to stare at that goblin-faced baboon for a single second, but once again my pleas have been ignored. Gigandet has been hired to star in Rich Johnson a comedy about… wait for it… a man arguing with his own personified penis. Get it? “Rich Johnson?” I mean, it’s pretty subtle.

“Twilight” thesp Cam Gigandet and comedian Nick Thune (right) are set to star in the raunchy indie comedy “Johnson,” which is a co-production between 2DS Prods. and Roman’s Empire.

Huck Botko (“The Virginity Hit”) is directing from a script by Jeff Tetreault.

Gigandet will play Rich Johnson, a charismatic womanizer who receives his comeuppance after his penis mysteriously leaves his body and takes human form (Thune). Stripped of his manhood and pitted against his alter ego, protag must find a way to get his johnson back while learning how to be a better man in the process. [Variety]

If there’s one role that Cam Gigandet was born to play, it’s talking penis. Is that supposed to be the joke, casting him against type like this?