Called it. Just two days ago, I told you about the Wellington Airport’s new Gollum sculpture, and I suggested that New Zealand just give it up and start calling themselves Middle Earth, or The Shire, to commemorate their first-ever cultural contribution. Might as well ride the wave, right? Well today, we have Air New Zealand’s new Hobbit-themed flight safety video – co-produced by WETA and featuring a Peter Jackson cameo – in which a stewardess dressed like Arwen’s first line of dialog is “Welcome to this Air Middle Earth Flight.”
They say the 18-hour flight is juuust long enough to watch the first three LotR movies, including special features.
The safety video is also soundpapered in wall-to-wall pan flute, because nothing says “simple, good-natured peasantfolk” like pan flute. It’s all part of New Zealand’s plan to become the world’s largest Lord of the Rings gift shop. I hear their new official motto is WELCOME TO NEW ZEALAND, THE LAND OF TOLKIEN*!
*Who was English.
If WETA co-produced this, who was the other producer, Michael Scott from The Office? It’s hard not to picture the guys who wrote this dressed like Austin Powers for Halloween, telling everyone to beehaiv and loving every minute of it. New Zealand is like an entire country full of dorky dads.
“Hey, I know you guys hate vegetables, so I replaced your green beans with maaagical ent stalks that will protect you from goblins and glow in the presence of orcs! Whoaoaaaa, better eat ‘em quick!”
“Aw, dad, c’mon, take off the tunic, you’re embarassing me in front of Billy.
[via ThePlaylist]
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I really hope they make the flight attendants wear elf ears.
Cause you know, that’s so much more respectable than having a reputation of being goat f*ckers.
Seconded.
And pilots should be required to sport giant wizard hair.
Tarantino’s coke Wizard is watching this embarassment right now thinking “Thank Merlin I was with Quentin when this casting call went out!”
When you’re on a flight where the captain needs to be reminded it non-smoking there’s a pretty good chance there’ll be ghost chips in your future.
Hey, hey.
New Zealand’s greatest contribution to pop culture is obviously Flight of the Conchords.
…Filmed in New York.
Okay, but they’re still the most important Kiwis.
Granted.
And based on a BBC radio series.
(Of course FotC were doing their thing before the radio show, but that doesn’t count because I didn’t hear it.)
Hopefully we won’t see a photo of one of these “Air Middle Earth” planes on fire & buried in a crater in the middle of the earth after it crashes.
New Zealand is kind of pathetic.
New Zealand’s perpetual insecurity causes it to beat you over the head repeatedly with anything that makes them seem remotely relevant.
That being said, this is still a thousand times more palatable than the previous safety video starring Richard Simmons. Jesus, I can’t tell you how many times I considered taking my chances with gravity instead.
Little known fact: Andy Serkis played the airplane in that video.
Still better than Continental’s instruction video. #CreepyRedHead