Already Available On-Demand But Probably In Some Theaters: Bachelorette
Opening Everywhere: The Words
Maybe Opening Somewhere If It Actually Exists: The Cold Light of Day
FilmDrunk Suggests: I’m not sure about this weekend’s crop of whatever now that we’re in this post-summer lull that I’ll break down in depth next week with the FilmDrunk Fall Movie Guide and the triumphant return of Michael Bay’s pet tiger El Tigre Magnifico. But I know that you should start your weekend by watching my friend’s short film, The HangRover.
Bachelorette
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 53% critics, 44% audience
Gratuitous Review Quotes:
“As smart and popreferential as Headland’s writing is, it’s a little underwhelming when it comes to delivering on laughs.” – Sara Stewart, New York Post
“The lion’s share of Bachelorette, written and directed by Leslye Headland, is unnervingly entertaining.” – Stephanie Zacharek, NPR (Remember, I have declared her and Amy Biancolli the new oracles of all that which is funny, because they just get it.)
Armchair Analysis: As one of the 6 people who has been forced into a camp for refusing to bow down and worship Bridesmaids as some great, groundbreaking comedy, forgive me if I’m not all that excited about a movie that looks like a complete knock-off. And I know, that’s a lazy, unfair assessment, because everyone has already made that comparison. But it’s the truth, and every time I’ve watched a trailer or seen a commercial, I think, “These good actors and Kirsten Dunst agreed to do this?”
That said, I am bound by UPROXXian law to love Lizzy Caplan (and I do) and I wish I could be Adam Scott’s or James Marsden’s best friend. I still dig Isla Fisher, even though her post-Wedding Crashers career has been less than stellar, and I’m slowly talking myself into Rebel Wilson’s schtick. So between all that and the fact that I didn’t like Bridesmaids, I’ll give this film a shot. But my arms will be crossed the whole time.
The Words
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 19% critics, 64% audience
Gratuitous Review Quotes:
“It would have been more fun if I’d brought something to throw at the screen.” – Dana Stevens, Slate
“A well-acted but narratively limp indie that’s undermined by a failure to connect emotionally with its audience.” – Jen Chaney, Washington Post
Armchair Analysis: I forgot that I’d even seen a trailer for this film, so I was confused when I saw that it was a wide release. Then I read the synopsis and remembered that it’s a film about a writer who steals another person’s work and refuses to acknowledge the real source of his material. It should have been called The Internet: The Movie.
The Cold Light of Day
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 7% critics, 29% audience (*POOP*)
Gratuitous Review Quotes:
There’s not a single legitimate review quote for this disaster.
Armchair Analysis: I haven’t even heard of this mess, and I’m a huge Bruce Willis fan and try to see every movie he does, because – trust me – chicks are impressed when you tell them you’ve seen every Bruce Willis movie. But we’re going to have to try a little harder than this Henry Cavill. You’re Superman now. Don’t make me force you to watch Dylan Dog: Dead of Night so you can see what happens after you piss away Superman fame.