"And that's me in a broom closet with the director of 'Jumper'."
In case you’re a functioning member of society and not an illiterate teenage girl, you might have missed the MTV Video Music Awards last night, as the network that once routinely played music videos remains locked in a limbo of painful irony. At some point between Chris Brown fans butchering the English language in celebration of his award for Best Autotuned Woman Beater and Dwight Howard pretending he’s a huge celebrity, MTV unleashed a brand new 90-second trailer for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 (Holy Sh*t Is This Over Yet).
The trailer promises fans the “epic finale” as we watch Bella get used to her new vampire powers by f*cking up nature, while Taylor Lautner shows up and is like, “Shirt? Never heard of it. ABS!” But then some vampire lady is all like, “Their baby is a crime” and the vampire police come to break up the Cullen party. And I’m sure it all looks so fantastic to Twilight fans, especially that part where Edward is like, “You know what vampires hate? Kung fu.”
But I noticed it was a little light on something. Great job by the producers to almost completely refrain from showing any connection between Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. Regardless, I’ve got $10 that says these two are sucking face on the red carpet for this film’s premiere, because if Rihanna can kiss Chris Brown at the VMAs, then love can make anything possible.
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2012 VMA, Artists.MTV, Music
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“These two are sucking face on the red carpet”–better than sucking blood, amirite? Cause they’re vampires, get it? Get it? Hello,hello, is my keyboard broken?
btw “sucking face on the red carpet” is a good euphemism for oral sex at that time of the month (eww) or oral sex on Lindsay Lohan (double eww).
“Balla We haff 2 proteck da babee we make wiff sax”
This seems almost exactly the same as the trailer for the…second? one, right? Michael Sheen’s angry, gonna go git ‘em, wolves help ‘em out. This time there was a baby.
Wow they aired the MTV Awards on the same night as the closing of the DNC and the NFL opener its like they know the educated person or the straight male wouldn’t watch it either way.
Wait… there was stuff on TV that night? I guess I was caught up in making animatics for 7 Psychopaths with my hair doll collection.
This looks so terrifically terrible I cannot believe it. It’s like the moon landing, completely made up. Come on Mancini, you’re really going to have to produce something more believable than this if you expect me to believe that millions of perfectly mentally stable girls are actually excited about this!
(throws down gauntlet)
(reads recent rottentomato.com sales figures)
(gruffly picks up gauntlet)
OK Mancini, fine, you’re right. You win this round, somehow, but I’ll have my revenge!
I’m as ready as anyone for Twilight to be over, but you know that the press tour is going to be so delightfully awkward.
Wait, though… Did Rihanna really kiss Chris Brown? Amy and Will can’t make it, but those two are back together?
I HATE EVERYTHING. BRING ON THE APOCALYPSE.
It seems Rhianna is not a very intelligent person.
And/or Rhianna will do anything to “stay famous.”
“Best Autotuned Woman Beater” – Chris Brown wins everytime, all the time.
I caught the last 2 mintues of the VMAs as I was flipping through channels last night and for the first time, I heard what Rhianna sounds like when she talks. I suddenly get all those Battleship jokes now. Also, I just can’t get into Taylor Swift, like at all.
“I just can’t get into Taylor Swift.” Join the club. Other members: Joe Jonas, Jake Gyllenhaal, John Mayer, and Taylor Lautner. Well, they “got into her” apparently, but then, er…pulled out.
YEAH – it’s because everyone tries to portray her as this innocent, country princess…it’s like hello, you cannot allow john mayer to be inside you and continue to maintain the “i’m such a sweet, innocent girl next door” thing. her taste in men is all. over. the. place.
I’ve got $10 that says these two are sucking face on the red carpet for this film’s premiere
Patticakes feels naked without his beard.
Are we at the point in society to where if you are in high school and you watch MTV, you get your ass kicked? We need to get there.
co-sign.
I solemnly swear that if I ever meet Dwight Howard (shit, or Terrence) I will act like I have no idea who he is.
They’re swing dance fighting!
From what I understand, Pattinson’s character is about 10x Stewart’s character’s age, and the werewolf hooks up with their daughter when it’s a baby. So is vampire/werewolf fiction basically mainstreamed cradle-robbing?
I’ve read this book. I had a problem with insomnia for a while, but for one sweet month, I discovered the anti-consciousness awfulness of the 4th book of a terrible series. The POV from Jacob the werewolf in this book is the very worst thing I’ve ever read, narrowly unseating a Star Wars novel I picked up in an airport. The trailer did not disappoint me.
A – Access your feelings.
B – Be apologetic.
S – Slap it!