Just in time for her latest arrest, Lifetime (via People) has released a poster of Lindsay Lohan in Liz and Dick, her biopic TV movie about Elizabeth Taylor starring the absent Grant Bowler as the titular Dick. Ha, “titular dick.” Just the way your mother likes it. Anyway, it seems they’ve taken the Google search optimization approach to taglines. Hey, you guys know words within images don’t count towards keyword density, right? Pff, amateurs. KATE UPTON’S BOOBS NIP SLIP UPSKIRT LESBIAN KITTEN ORGY! See? That’s how it’s done, losers.
That “DIAMONDS” and “PROVOCATIVE” are double the font size of “beautiful” and “leading lady” should tell you everything you need to know about the production (did they have collagen injections in the sixties? Oh well.). Are they serious with this? This looks like they let an Asian caricature from an eighties movie put it together. “Okay, round eye, dis what computa toad me bout Riz Tayra.”
Obligatory:
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/the-hobbit-the-desolation-of-smaug-poster-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/Adam-Goldberg-anna-nicole-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Tomorrow-Youre-Gone-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/only-god-forgives-poster-150x150.jpg)
Mmm, you can really see the crusted semen and crack teeth. Makes me think of Europe in the Spring… Eastern Europe in the Fall, I mean.
I don’t have a problem with Lindsay Lohan portraying Elizabeth Taylor so much as I have a problem with Lindsay Lohan portraying a young Elizabeth Taylor.
“Okay, round eye, dis what computa toad me bout Riz Tayra.”
I want to marry this sentence.
Racist Asian needs to be in more things from now on.
Is Computa Toad the nerdy cousin of HypnoToad?
ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD
Linsay only got arrested to teach that bitch Amanda Bynes how its done.
To my well trained eye it looks like cover art for a porn flick catering to the upscale & pregnant fetishists.
“Pregnant Trophy Wives 3: Liz & Dick” Cumming this November.
Oddly similar to my Lindsay/LOTR mashup erotic fanfic “Lez and Back to Dick Again”.
Try not to bust a nut before you get to the Riders of Lohan.
In the poster she has a certain thickness that I find appealing.
Amazingly, 20 years from now we’ll have Lohan’s biopic entitled Jizz and Dick.
I maaay have had some interest in this if it was (finally) her (inevitable) transition into porn called Dickin’ Liz.
Wait, this is a real movie? I just thought Lohan was really into cosplay. I was all like “whoa she’s really committing to her Roseanne Barr costume.” Of course I was masturbating with (to?) a jar of peanut butter at the time. But I said it with conviction.
*Looks around for more low-hanging fruit / Sees none / Stuffs hands in pockets and rambles on.*
I like pretending that Liz is short for Lizard.
::raises hand::
When did the Lifetime Network logo change into a severed dick and testicle sitting in a pool of blood?
And I also just realized someone at some point had to think about where to place the bloody dick logo and the settled on Lindsay’s crotch. Nice.
Why exactly does a movie that’s going to be on basic cable need a poster?
WHY WHY WHY WHY didn’t they go with Camilla Belle with contact lenses?!?! They’re just giving her more money to pay her legal fees.