
This picture has nothing to do with today's Netflix suggestions, nor do I care.
Val Kilmer aside, there’s Netflix business at hand. As history has shown us, Netflix is always a few weeks behind the DVD new releases. As such, here are the ‘new’ Netflix films: Bathory, Albert Nobbs, Bad Ass, A Little Bit Of Heaven, and Alien Origin. For this week’s added-value suggestions, each film has not one but two actors from this week’s DVDs –and they aren’t ever from the same movie! Again, please share your suggestions for other Netflix options in the comments, but please don’t mention a movie I’ve already mentioned in this post –it makes us both look like assh*les.
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The Poker House
JENNIFER LAWRENCE AND CHLOE GRACE MORETZ IN THE SAME MOVIE! I repeat: JENNIFER LAWRENCE AND CHLOE GRACE MORETZ IN THE SAME MOVIE! This film, directed by Lori ‘Tank Girl’ Petty and written by Petty and David Alan Grier (what the f*ck?) is a dramatization of Petty’s teen years. None of that really matters, though because JENNIFER LAWRENCE AND CHLOE GRACE MORETZ ARE BOTH IN IT. Also, it’s Rated R for ‘language, and disturbing content involving a minor including rape, sexual content and drug/alcohol abuse’. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE OUR WINNER!
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Margin Call
The Hunger Games’ Stanley Tucci and Girl Walks Into A Bar’s Zachary Quinto star in this Best Original Screenplay Oscar-nominated flick. It’s basically about the financial collapse of 2008, but fictionalized so as to avoid the burden of accuracy. It’s an okay film, especially if you understand all the Wall Street lingo the characters throw around. It’s all ‘run those numbers again, dude’. ‘Dude, I ran them twice already –we will be broke by the opening bell!’ ‘Did you tell Simon Baker?’ ‘No, Demi Moore told Jeremy Irons and now Kevin Spacey’s pissed!’ I won’t lie, I didn’t exactly understand all the technical jargon.
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Powder Blue
Hick’s Eddie Redmayne and Breathless’ Ray Liotta star in this film that is infamous for Jessica Biel’s role as a stripper. That’s right, you’re remembering it now, this is the one where she shows her tits. Anyhow, this film from writer/director Timothy Linh Bui –you’re not reading this anymore, are you? You stopped after the word ‘tits’, I know. I could write anything here and no one would even notice. One of my favorite movies of all time is Nothing But Trouble, and it’s streaming too, but I’m afraid to mention it, because everyone else in the world –including those people who actually made the film- absolutely hate it. But I love it. First DVD I ever bought. True story.
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The River Murders
Assassin’s Bullet’s Christian Slater and Breathless’ Ray Liotta star in this flick about a detective who becomes the prime suspect in the very case he’s investigating. You see, the FBI uncovers his personal association with all the victims. Now I don’t know why he wouldn’t remove himself from the case in the first place, but it’s a dumb movie and it needs its plot-contrivances to survive. I’m even betting the real killer is his partner, or the FBI agent or Ving Rhames, because he’s in this too.



Surely Community College is an Asylum-esque bid for the confused grandparent market?
Nothing but Trouble? You Lil Debbul!
If I win, I get another bowl of cereal.
Fucking fantastic.
And for being a banker! That’s double death!
How about a nice Hawaiian Punch?
Full disclosure: After the double banker comment I went to IMDB to look for the best quotes from it. And found this. I don’t even know what day it is anymore.
You people are sick, wicked, funky, misanthropic, co-dependent animals! And I won’t have my sister, who was once the Queen of the Mardi Gras, sitting at a table with a pickle-shooting train!
FLEEEEEPEEER’S DEAD?!?
Full disclosure: I love this movie so goddamn much, I don’t have to look up the quotes. Also, I own the soundtrack on compact disc.
Hunger Games isn’t a great movie or anything, but shaky cam action sequences aside, it’s a solid effort. I mean, the obviously put some effort into it, instead of just phoning in what was sure to be a cash cow no matter what.
Plus, Jennifer Lawrence is a badass Katniss.
If you haven’t seen Paradise Lost 3 yet and plan on it be ready for repeated graphic photo of dead mutilated 7 yr old boys to be shown full screen without warning. Just a heads up as when I saw it the first time it was one of the most jarring things I’d ever witnessed. And I paid to see the Street Fighter movie.
Put in the promo code* “Vince Frots While Thinking About Under-Aged Girls” at checkout to receive jack-off with your purchase of “Hick”
*Use of code may also add you to certain government watch lists.
Good god after seeing “A Serbian Film” on more than one occasion I almost reer back in fear at the thought of watching this trailer….
for Life and Death of a Porno Gang…
I was underwhelmed by A Serbian Film. I think I made it out to be more than it was before I watched it because it wasn’t nearly as shocking as Irreversible or Martyrs.
Or Antichrist. Fucking Chaos Reigns bro.
The Raid: Redemption. I saw this a month ago and whilst there is some top notch violence, although nothing too gratuitous, the plot makes less sense than Prometheus. SWAT they are not. There are no tactics, unless trying to get out alive is a tactic.
mmmmmmm. fat val kilmer. talk about soul food.
The Raid: Redemption was fucking awesome! Yeah, the language is extremely ugly to listen to. But this is a non stop action with little dialogue and a very sweeet fight choreography!
So, are you David Giler or Walter Hill? Or should I duck as that joke goes overhead?
I’m so lazy I didn’t even bother to check if that movie had any writer/producers that would make the joke work. Anyhow, easy choice -Walter Hill.
You’re really into the whole underage girls idea huh? Trying to justify your sick pov with violence=good, underage sex=bad is just disgusting.
Lighten up, Francis.
I would if it was presented in a funny way, but this is straight up promoting pedophilia. Doesn’t matter if the author likes to jerk off to 15 year old girls, keep that shit to yourself.
Wait. You don’t like to jack to 15 year old girls? What’re you gay or something??
Interesting sidenote: Vince chose to censor the first use of the word ‘cock’ in The Life And Death Of A Porno Gang but not the second. COCKS.