"Oont zen za Juden says, 'Oy, someone dropped a nickel!' Hallo? Hallo? Ist zeess thing on? Kirsten, I don't zink ziss mic ist vorking."
As I told you a while back, Lars von Trier’s next project is called Nymphomaniac, and it’s basically the female equivalent of Shame starring Charlotte Gainsbourg, a film about the “erotic adventures of a woman from her youth to age 50.” Lars von Trier once made a movie about people who pretend to be retarded having explicit orgies, so it’s probably going to be awesome. Well now Shia LaBeouf, having recently gone full peen in a Sigur Rós video, is in talks to join the cast. Once you’ve gotten a taste of waving your wiener around in wierd nordic art films, it’s probably hard to stop.
Shia LaBeouf has set his sights on Danish director Lars von Trier’s ambitious erotic drama Nymphomaniac, which is set to begin production in September. The Transformers star is in talks to join a cast led by Charlotte Gainsbourg.
Nymphomaniac follows the erotic adventures of a woman (Gainsbourg) from her youth to age 50, as recounted to her husband (Stellan Skarsgard). It’s not clear how big LaBeouf’s role would be.
Von Trier is splitting the English-language project into two films and will shoot a softer and more explicit version of each. No domestic distributor is aboard, but rights have been sold off in numerous foreign markets. [THR]
VON TRIER: Okay now Shia, first you haff sex viss za Mongoloid, oont zen za fox say ‘Chaos reeeeeigns,’ oont bite off your schvanza. Ready?
LABEOUF: NO no no no no nonono NO no no no no nonononono NO…
Get it? It’s a metaphor for American hegemony.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/tina-fey-ryan-lochte-30-rock-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/SHia-labeouf-coke-wizard-robert-richardson-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/big_wedding_Deniro-Face-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/video-shia-labeouf-explains-alec-baldwin-feud-to-david-letterman-150x150.jpg)
The Mighty Feklahr will go to the grave believing that Vince spliced in that cut of Captain Kirk just for Him. *sigh* Vince is so dreamy!
Is…is there another way to interpret that? I am so confused, I thought it was the blatant video equivalent of the passed note “Do you like me, please choose one? Yes/Helllllll yes”
Aw jeez, not Charlotte Gainsbourg. C’mon Lars, you use her ALL the time. Don’t you think you could give another actress a chance…someone like…Kate Upton?
Aw, jeez, not Charlotte Gainsbourg again. C’mon Lars, you use her all the time! Why not give a different actress a chance at this “nymphomaniac” role…someone like, oh, I don’t know–Kate Upton?
Hmm…is there a “stop list” for comments? Tried twice and it *claims* “my comment has been posted,” but I’m not seeing it. (posts did not include profanity, hate speech, or criticism of Uproxx…)
Maybe they just weren’t…funny enough? *sob*
Well OF COURSE my original comment showed up 10 minutes later. Damn you, eBay!
The problem is that Uproxx has a built in 3 Kate Upton minimum. If you’re going to refer to Kate Upton in your comment you have to mention her name at least 3 times…
Kate Upton.
“a film about the “erotic adventures of a woman from her youth to age 50.”
++++
Ok, so based on about 15 foreign Skinemax movies from the 70s, plus Fanny Hill.
As a dane, I love the fact that Vince’s fantasy of how von Trier speaks, have no resemblance to how danish in fact sounds… Who am I kidding? We all sound like lederhosen toting pedophiles.
He may be a Dane, but he’s also a Nazi. By the transitive property, that means he sounds like Colonel Klink. Too inside baseball?
Touché…