Today we have the trailer for The Last Stand, Korean director Kim Jee-woon’s US directorial debut starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, co-starring Johnny Knoxville, FilmDrunk BFF Jaimie Alexander, and Karl Hungus (Peter Stormare). The best part? I was able to obtain Arnold Schwarzenegger’s exclusive future DVD commentary.
Da screen. It’s green. Vhy is da screen green? Oh, it’s stahting. Okay, now heah you see da poleez men, dey ah blocking da road. Da Poleezman ah blocking da road because da criminal is coming, and da poleezmen, dey don’t want da criminal to get out becuss den dey will get avay. Okay, so now ve see da criminals, and da are carrying da guns, becuss dey want to break trough da barricade dat da poleez haff made. Dey don’t want da poleez men to catch dem, and dey ah breenging gunz becuss dey want to shoot da poleezmen and make dem moof out uf da way so zat dey can break trough it ant get away from dem. Oh, dey ah also vearing masks so dat da poleez men cannot see deir face. …Okay now dey ah shooting. Ouch! …I like da way dey broke trough dem there.
Okay, now heah I am een da dinah, becauz I am retiyahd, and I am telling da man ‘should be a qufiet zeekend,’ because I am retiyahd and dat’s vhat I am expecting da veekend to be like. And heah is me answering da phone. ‘Deah is a situasin,’ he is saying. …And heah I am drifing. I am drifing da… da.. vhat is it called? Da coahvette! Yes. I am drifing da coahvette ant it is spinning… And heah I am, I am gifing my badge to da man. I gif my badge to da man becuss I am about to do somesing crazy. …”Old,” ha ha, dat is funny. An da people ah looking at me like “Who eez dis guy?”
And heah I jump off da beelding. I am jumping off da beelding but I use da bad guy for da cooshin. Ow! And heah I am shooting… Pretty much da whole rest of dis I am shooting.
[via Apple]
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I’m da Sheriff. I’m old. Bring me your clothes, your boots, and your mulatto bitches.
…deez has been anotha inztallment of “Ahnold Explains moofies to da blind kids”. I apologice if I wasn’t much heulp duering da noot scenes wit Chaymee Alexanda. I kind off blacked out leuking at heur mulatto ass… HA! Dats fahnny – BLACKED OUT?… C’maahn! Verhoven would’ve lahved dat!
I can’t watch this at the moment but I’m willing to bet my paycheck that Kim Jee-Woon can’t hold Takashi Miike’s chopsticks.
What the world really needs is The Stath doing play by play style commentary on one of his movies. I’d pay good money for that. Until then Ahnuld will have to do. That and Vince doing The Stath anytime he gets mentioned in anything.
Wait a minute… The Stath and Ahnuld doing commentary on The Expendables 2… Something that glorious couldn’t possibly really happen, could it?
/starts praying
Schwarzenegger means black plowman in Austrian. Anything to do with his documented love of mulatto ass? Discuss.
It’s never a good sign when the comic relief buddy in the movie is Johnny Knoxville.
Having MEN IN BLACK 2 flashbacks?
Yipes…
Kim Jee-woon is probably my favourite director working right now. I’ve loved all of his movies.
This worries me. It looks like it has his spectacular visuals but foreign directors working with shitty Hollywood scripts never bodes well.
Eez funny vhen I look back at all da fiolence and muhdah in Za Tehminaytah now. I tink to my zelf “Vhat kind uf animal vood do such tings? I don’t know, possibly a beyah?”
Yeah, I’m going to see that.
“Yes, this iss da paht vere I take mine revenche on da villain. Zince I am returning to da business as an oldah hero, I approached da paht as iff I vere Clint Eastvood in the Grand Touringo. Dis scene vas me saying to da villains “get off my lawn you know, before I shoot you vit a helicopter gun”. I tink da Academy vill notice these thinks.”
Jesus Christ. Is Knoxville playing “Simple Jack”?
If only
Arnold’s acting has evolved from non-existent to truly pathetic. That Last Stand screenshot is a good example. His expressions while firing that big gun are more appropriate for someone looking for a cab.