Hawaiian shirt: Uncool. Hawaiian shirt while carrying gun: The coolest thing in the world.
It’s less than three weeks until the opening of The Master (September 21st, to be precise), and thank God, I can’t handle too many more stories about Premium Rush or The Words. There’s a new, presumably final trailer out, which you can watch below, structured in the sort of stylish stand-alone short film style to which we’ve become accustomed. And it’s still totally not about Scientology, you guys, we swear (pleasedontsuepleasedontsue…).
In the trailer, one critic of Schmienschmology (don’t know what else to call it) says at a party: “Good science allows for more than one opinion, otherwise you merely have the will of one man, which is the basis of a cult.”
To which Amy Adams’ character responds: “The only way to defend ourselves is to attack!”
Even with my fairly rudimentary knowledge of Scientology, I know that quote is often attributed to L. Ron Hubbard, and apparently comes from a Scientology “red volume,” taked from a Hubbard article originally writeen in 1955. Full quote:
The DEFENSE of anything is UNTENABLE. The only way to defend anything is to ATTACK, and if you ever forget that then you will lose every battle you are ever in engaged in…
Ominously, the same article from which the attack quote was taken in the red volume also included the following famous passage:
The purpose of the suit is to harass and discourage rather than win. The law can be used very easily to harass, and enough harassment on somebody who is simply on the thin edge anyway, well knowing that he is not authorized, will generally be sufficient to cause professional decease. If possible, of course, ruin him utterly. —L. Ron Hubbard, The Scientologist, a Manual on the Dissemination of Material, 1955
Anyway, good on Paul Thomas Anderson for having the balls to kick the hornet’s nest, but don’t be surprised if he wakes up in the hold of a cargo ship with an e-meter shoved up his ass one day. It’s hard to imagine Scientology not planning some kind of retaliation for this, and we need to start preparing now. I don’t know how, exactly, but I think throwing Danny Masterson into the ocean would be a good place to start.
Wait a second… The Master… Masterson… EVERYTHING IS CONNECTED!
[Yahoo]
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Man, random capitalization is like catnip to crazy people. Who really like catnip.
Why, I always thought that educated professionals were a trustworthy bunch, but that fellow in a lopsided baseball cap and slogan t-shirt really changed my mind.
That’s why everyone likes you Patty. You eventually see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Hang on, sorry, that had weird tones and made it seem like I might be talking vaginal tunnels and fleshlights.
What I meant to say is that you really come around eventually. Ughhh, used come, can’t do that on this site, they’ll turn it into something perverted.
Ummmmm…I’m just trying to say that eventually you get it. OMG, we sound like a homicidal stalker now, stop typing, STOP TYPING!
Schmienschmology (don’t know what else to call it)
Jormp-Jomptography.
Will-Smiffsonianism?
Psychiatrists Are Here. Hide Yo Kids, Hide Yo Wife, Hide Yo Ability to Recognize That Yo in a Cult.
P.S. I was just getting warmed up on the Australian Cast Away post, so for one more reason, fuck L. Ron Hubbard.
Mrs. Forman, college isn’t for me. I do my learning with a school of dolphins now.
you aren’t a real religion until a movie gets made dramatizing your founding. like the passion of the christ did for christians or bend it like beckham did for sikhs. I think. I don’t really know what sikhism is. they’re some of the non-scary brown people right?
It depends: are you scared of turbans, beards, and sacred daggers?
Kahn Noonian Singh was a sikh. Where Feklar at to back me up on that.
Oh boy, is this great!
/end “Flounder” voice
Also, I love how Scientology can’t sue this movie without admitting that it’s about them, which is basically admitting to being batshit crazy.
Well played, The Master. Well played indeed.
Check and mate.
Oddly enough, “check and mate” are how the Schmienschmologists get their funding and followers. Just ask TomKat!
Fuck you Todd! Go back to robbing houses you kid killer!
Or:
Fuck yeah Landry! Go back to playing in Crucifictorious!
Holy shit, brah. At 0:30, Philipp Semen Hoffmore looks a shitload like Daniel Day Lewis in There Will Be Blood. And at least a little bit like my playful Uncle Glenn.
That clip where they’re riding motorcycles across the desert together is A) fuckin awesome, and B) interesting because that’s reputed to be one of Tom Cruise and David Miscavige’s favorite buddy-buddy pastimes (right after taking coat hangers to the thighs of children who renege on their billion-year contracts).
I thought this was a gritty reboot of that Dana Carvey vehicle with all the costumes.
PSH sounds like Andrew Ryan in the opening narration.
Would you kindly go see The Master?
Philip Seymour looks set to take these broken wings / and learn to fly again / learn to live so free.
It’s hard to imagine Scientology not planning some kind of retaliation for this, and we need to start preparing now. I don’t know how, exactly …
Well, I’m stockpiling ‘Master Blaster’ goofs just in case.
Admit it Vince, all these articles about this film are just Master-baiting.
I still have the same feelings towards this movie as I did when I thought it was about a golf tournament: Will Amy Adams be topless in it? Do some GD reporting for once, Vince!
I hope Scientologists come out with their own movie about psychiatrists killing children. Do you think they could get Tom Cruise?
I thought that was Mercury Rising?
We all know it’s a veiled story about Mindhead. Alert Kit Ramsey.
I recommend Inside Scientology (also available in audiobook form.) Did you know that before LRH nailed down the details of Scientology, a large mollusk was an important part of the dogma?
That doesn’t sound Kosher.
Wahkeen banging on the window sill throughout the trailer kinda reminds me of Michael Stuhlbarg getting slammed into a chalkboard throughout the trailer.
Vince from what I have read from the reviews on rotten scientiology has a very small part in the movie