Look, man, I just report it. According to a listing on industry site It’s On the Grid, Steve Pink and producers Akiva Goldsman and Lloyd Kaufman are producing a remake of  The Toxic Avenger starring John Travolta. Deadline first reported Pink was directing the remake back in 2010.

This is the story of Melvin, the Tromaville Health Club mop boy, who inadvertently and naively trusts the hedonistic, contemptuous and vain health club members, to the point of accidentally ending up in a vat of toxic waste. The devastating results then have a transmogrification effect, his alter ego is released, and the Toxic Avenger is born, to deadly and comical results. [BloodyDisgusting]

And who better, I ask, to play a 98-pound mop boy than a 58-year-old who looks like this:

Though I suppose he does have some experience with health clubs. ZING! (timely). And I guess that technically, the listing doesn’t say that Travolta would be playing the lead, but he’s the only actor listed, so who else would it be? Oh, but it gets worse…

Action-comedy remake in the vein of THE MASK… [?? -Ed.]  he’s an environmental superhero…doesn’t want it to be campy…

That’s right, “doesn’t want it to be campy.” A non-campy Toxic Avenger is sort of like a non-comedic Naked Gun, isn’t it? And what does a non-comedic Naked Gun look like? Law and Order? So yeah, if this listing is to be believed, Steve Pink is looking to make a non-campy Toxic Avenger starring John Travolta in the vein of The Mask. That sounds out there even for a mad lib.

Toxic Avenger is available on YouTube, in case you’re curious.