
If you’ve seen Steve Carell in Evan Almighty, you’re probably thinking “why remake the Noah story? It’s already perfect.” But Darren Aronofsky, that old Darren Aronofsky, he’s an artist, and artists like a challenge. So he’s making a movie about Noah, and now we have the first picture of Russell Crowe in costume as the lead.
Aronofsky also used social media to send along a picture with the beginning stages of a gigantic wooden craft being built in Oyster Bay, N.Y. It ties in with his tweeted Bible verse, when God tells Noah, “Make thee an ark of gopher wood, rooms shalt thou make in the ark, and shalt pitch it within and without with pitch.”
“Go forth, young man, and verb thy nouns. Thou shalt verb thy nouns from within and from without, with verbs, until thy nouns become as verbs.” I hope all those people who take the bible “literally” are scholars of ancient Hebrew, because otherwise it’s like reading an obsolete instruction manual written in Engrish.
Crowe takes the voyage with his on-screen spouse from A Beautiful Mind, Jennifer Connelly, who stars as Noah’s wife, Naameh. The cast also includes Ray Winstone as Noah’s archenemy Tubal-Cain, Emma Watson as Noah’s adopted daughter, Ila, and Douglas Booth and Logan Lerman as his sons, Shem and Ham, respectively.
Aronofsky has taken to his Twitter feed to give daily updates on Noah for his followers, including casting news — confirming Anthony Hopkins as Noah’s ageless grandfather Methuselah, for example — and teasing to the existence of angelic Nephilim in the film. [USAToday]
Russell Crowe has reportedly been staying in character throughout the shoot, demanding craft services bring him “two of every animal.”
Here is a picture of a puffin:

Hey. I like your puffin.
Aronofsky tweeted this photo with the caption “poor puffin,” presumably after it narrowly escaped Russell Crowe’s deep fryer, Matilda (I imagine he names his deep fryer).
Wait, is there a Bible verse about puffins? I might actually have to start reading this thing. Puffins are adorable, they’re like flying otters.



The Evan Almighty and two of every animal jokes were fantastic. Almost spit coffee on the keyboard.
I’m excited about Ray Winstone…and that’s about it.
Same. My eyebrows shot up for him then sank slowly for everyone else.
I love puffins. They’re like pocket penguins.
Oh yeah, I saw those on clearance at AdamEve.com (re-reads comment) awwwww damnit.
Tubal-Cain? Ham and Shem? Sounds like a Scorpion King/Three Stooges crossover.
Now, a judge has to go be paddled by freemasons.
This movie is going to whoop some ass! I can’t wait for all the months of butthurt this movie will bring from atheists and christians alike.
Actually, it’s Aronofsky, Jennifer Connely and a story about Noah. It actually will whoop two asses. You got the butthurt part right, however.
What about the Ark’s Veterinarian?
“Behold I am thy Vet, Noah. For I bring thee toys of Chew, licks of salt, and pleasing words on Rabies inoculations. For thy must not rabies thy animals.”
I still say WTF? So, like, two hours of boat-building, rain, and a whole lot of drowning?
If nothing else, Aronofsky better throw in a full-frontal scene of a drunken Crowe as a little present for the Creationists and the rest of the Christian fundies.
[atheism.about.com]
here we go :D
No butthurt here, just the thinking about how great it would be if Aronofsky decided to totally mindfuck all the fundies excited about a Noah’s ark movie by throwing in a whole bunch of surprise, gratuitous male nudity at the end.
“Waitaminute Darren, I asked for the Puffins like they have at Trader Joe’s.”
“Anthony Hopkins as Noah’s ageless grandfather Methuselah.” if were casting someone “ageless,” Anthony Hopkins would not be high on my list. also, shem is my least favorite stooge. WILL. NOT. SEE.
Keanu Reeves as ageless guy. Anthony Hopkins as really well-aged guy.
I can’t wait to see the scene where Jennifer Connelly, as Noah’s wife, brings the two donkeys on board ass-to-ass.
+1
Also this movie was uncannily predicted by the South Park episode where Russel Crower travels the world by ship fighting people.
I get it, a serious bible movie. Why the fuck are they white?
When has anyone ever looked to the bible for facts?
jennifer connely’s eyebrows make me feel inadequate as a man.
Oh Vince Mancini! Your style is so irreverent and delightfully quirky! But are you sure the world is ready for your devilishly incisive mockery of religious documents? And the way you veered off at the end and made a comment on the cuteness of puffins RIGHT AFTER suggesting that Russell Crowe names his deep-fryer. Two childlike and yet winking faux-fancies back to back! How droll!
But, Vince, you and I are of course very witty and worldly people… our minds vibrate on a higher plane, no doubt. But don’t you worry that your perfect balance of sarcasm and whimsy will be lost on the greater populace? You are, after all, the only writer on the internet to adopt this unique style. Careful, my friend, or just as in the benighted ages of religious endarkenment, you may find yourself stoned to death by true-believers as punishment for your daring and original take on modern culture.
Cool death threat, bro.
Oh, don’t be silly. Hipsters don’t have enough strength to stone someone to death. Unless we’re talkin’ Salvia.
Now THIS is how Armond White death threats a motherfucker.
With all the stupid shit that Vince writes practically every day (no homo), it always seems to be the most innocuous stuff that really sets off the crazies.
Bible Thumpers are the original TwiHards.
Jehovah! Jehovah!
Ooooooooo bibble boi so angy!!!! Y? R u :( because u half to have sex through a hole in a sheet you hymn singing mo fucka lol smh u a cry baby goof have fun talking about loafs of bread and miracles and salmon loser!!
Is it too late to change my screen name to Spoon of SPOON
And the Lord said “Take two of every animal, so Russell Crowe has plenty to grill on his journey”
Noah busts out a broadsword and chops the heads off the two unicorns.
Noah: “Are you not entertained!?”
All the animals on the ark blankly stare at Russell Crowe.
Noah: “I will have my vengence in this life or the next.”
It never seems to surprise me how movies and actors touch people in different ways, but negative comments always seem to be remembered for a much undeserved duration. Russell Crowe has always tried to keep movies real and has earned respect for his craft. May he always be blessed in his life to do so, and may we also be blessed enough to witness it.