They wouldn’t let Vince or myself see The Expendables 2: Fully Expendable’d because we’re not big-time L.A. or N.Y.C. critics. We’re little-time Seattle and San Francisco critics, so we can only imagine what the film is like, but we talked about it this morning and came to the realization that it’s likely just another Alice in Wonderland rip-off. There are no more original stories, there is ONLY Tim Burton, wearing a beret, directing the living piss out of another American classic. That guy is amazing.
Anyway, this morning our “source” came through again with exclusive notes on another ‘quel meeting – and once we ascertained he didn’t want any money we figured we’d dutifully pass them along.
Note: they are a little blurry because this guy is using a Russian (Lomo LC-A) camera. He’s gangster like that. I think you can click to enlarge if you’re an IT supervisor.
Enjoy!
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They all get colonoscopies. Someone dies of rectal cancer (all of them?)
Or how about this scenario: None of their children ever call or visit them.
EX-3 directed by Stephen Chow must have been on a post-it note next to the white board.
They all forget if they’ve already taken their blood pressure pills!
In EX-3 (aka INXS, working title) they have to hunt down a prominent terrorist who is inciting rebellion in the U.S. through his slick propaganda – NEIL HAMBURGER.
They all hop into separate midnight-blue 1988 Cadillac Broughams and straight-up death-f*ck a farmer’s market.
You could have linked all the Expendables 3 poster ideas:
[www.uproxx.com]
Need to add even MORE old, tough guys to the cast. Danny Trejo. Ernest Borgnine (oops, too late). Sean Connery. And “introducing Kurt Russell as The Kid,” (because he’s only 61).
hahaha yes!
and why not bring in some of those classic action movie villains that use to play every generic goon back in the day…and while their at it, toss in some use-to-be hot actresses from back then….wait nvm
The Expendables 3 script will be a pop-up book with displays that punch you in the face.
6) Expendables 3 – Suffer-agettes
I just want 4 more guys in the next film:
- Christopher Walken (because Christopher Walken)
- Nic Cage (preferably crazy Nic)
- Danny Trejo
- Samuel L Motherfucking Jackson, motherfucker.
Number 2, buying and installing a low-flow toilet is a terrible, terrible idea.
Not so much cinematically but as a general rule. I don’t even know any women anymore who can’t choke the bowl on one of those things.
and since we are on the revivals lol….Michael Dudikoff (american ninja), Chow Yun Fat, and Steven Seagal….idk but Tom Selleck would be hilarious too
Ok im seriously throwing out an idea. Lets leave the commical tweeks to Stallone once he accepts this, if he does. Instead of trying to lure in every wealthy old action star just to please the majority population, why not twist whats already good. I mean dont get me wrong, lets throw a couple more big names but at the same time, lets show the audiences what they really wanna see. Ok here goes…. in the early 2000′s companies were coming out with VS. movies. Jason vs Freddy, Alien vs Predator etc. Immediately following were overly excessive suggestions like, leprchaun vs Chucky, Michael Myers vs whoever, the list goes on and on. Upon hearing of the 1st Expendables movie, many were talking about who and how each action star would play their part. So lets bring the ideals of many plus the vs concept and make Expendables 3 a possibility. Plot idea…. an unnamed person who takes office after a tight presidential election does what the american peopke have always wanted to see; he pulls our troops out of combat zones across the world and brings them home. After much celebration the clock winds forward to a later time. Years have passed and the enemy forces fought in the multiple conflicts have been depleted to where politics have become the main weapons of destruction. Only a heavily armed unit of soldiers remain highly trained and ready for war. The only thing missing is a leader to guide them. (Heres where storline gets weak because my intel on foreign affairs is sketchy.) Money and power which in any movie is the most destructive force, encourages Arnold Schwarzenegger to turn and become leader of this rogue army (sorry Arnie.) Of course he cant do it alone so….. he bribes several very important people to join his team. As per Expendables 1, Jet Li still isnt making enough money and with the limited involvement of Expendables 2 any back story can be added to encourage his switch. Ok so now we have Stallone vs Schwarzenegger and Statham vs Li. I know some of you reading can imagine the choreography needed to detail those fight scenes. Yes it would be worth it. Now the couple names added in…. lets see a UFC fighter school a WWE star; enter 1 of 2 names Dwayne Johnson, who has made his well earned action title in many films. Or Hulk Hogan. Yes i know its corny but honestly Terry, you need a manly comeback after your reality span. I seriously would have liked to see Michael Clarke Duncan (R.I.P.) play a role. Ok so Randy Couture and whichever wrestling star fits to throw down. I know im leaving gaps but if i wrote the whole idea here it wouldnt be just mine anymore. Anyway i dont wanna overpower the movie idea with nothing but royal rumble concepts. All i can say is there is a way to turn the Expendables franchise into a massively action packed blowout trilogy. If anyone of impotance or anyone has ties to an industry that would be willing to see this come to life please comment positively to mine or contact my email. Movie fans should appreciate at least the attempt im throwing out. I hope those who read this whole comment got some kind of warm and fuzzy on what a 3rd Expendables could do and be like for an explosive end to a great trilogy.
Also i forgot one piece…. another add-in would be the voice of persuasion that talked Schwarzenegger to turn. A so.eone who doesnt care about money or power. Someone who has a Joker complex and just want to see the world at war. (Insert name) ok people, the ultimate test for this role is finding someone who would give the audience a holy $h!t factor of 10. Someone who make everyone say “no f-ing way!!!!”
So basically you’re saying the Dalai Lama should play himself as the head villain?