The tie had a stain on it.

Good news for Fred Willard over the weekend, as not only has he been offered a deal to avoid being charged for lewd conduct if he takes a counseling course, YouPorn wants to give him a free computer. Also, I think that guy who shot a bunch of people really helped put this story in perspective.

From an open letter sent by YouPorn’s Corey Price:

We are very impressed that at your age you still have such a strong, and healthy libido Fred! That’s why we wanted to educate you a little more on some of society’s newest advances to help you achieve orgasm from the privacy of your own home!
Our website is 100% free and features thousands of video clips of people having sex. Every niche you can imagine is featured,on youporn.com. We’d like to buy you a home computer and have one of our youporn.com representatives come to your home to install it for you now that you may have some downtime.
We’d also love for you to join the millions of fans who “come” on our site daily, and possibly become our new spokesperson.

Cute. And they spelled come with an O, so you know they’re classy. So, to recap, Fred Willard got caught doing what people do at adult theaters, no one really cares, and he’s not being charged with a crime. Why is he being fired from a taxpayer-funded television show again?

At the Television Critics Assn. press tour in Pasadena on Saturday, PBS President Paula Kerger addressed the decision to fire Fred Willard from the new show “Market Warriors” after his indecency arrest in Los Angeles last week.
“We realized we needed to work fast because we are taping now,” she said, noting that PBS didn’t want Willard to “become a distraction.”

You’re running a show about people who buy crap from flea markets and you’re worried about distraction?

“We talked to [Willard], and decided what we would do was bring in Mark Wahlberg,” host of “Antiques Roadshow,” the long-running PBS series for which “Market Warriors” was intended as a kind of companion.  [No, not that Mark Wahlberg].
The new series will premiere on Monday with Wahlberg’s voice in the place of Willard’s.

Obviously, I wish it was that Mark Wahlberg. HEY, DAWNNY, HOW MUCH FA THIS VICTAWRIAN DRESSAH? AN LOOKIT DA FACKIN PATINER ON THIS PEWTAH MIRRAH. IT’S FACKIN EXSQUISITE.

In the same session, Kerger celebrated the great success of “Downton Abbey” and announced a new Ken Burns series, “The Roosevelts,” which will air in 2014.

But she struck a more somber note as she noted that public television’s federal funding is again under attack by lawmakers, endangering the future of some stations, which get half or more of their  money from federal funds. Some smaller stations “will go dark and that’s what at risk,” she warned. [LATimes]

Well guess what, stupid, you don’t get to go around firing perfectly good voice-over guys and then complain that you don’t have money. I’ll be not watching Ken Burns’ documentary extra hard this time. Ken Burns seems nice, but nine hours of archival photographs isn’t a documentary, it’s research for a documentary.

[banner pic via RumorFix]