With trolling the hot topic on everyone’s pussy lips after Rottentomatoes took the unprecedented step of suspending commenting on ALL Dark Knight Rises reviews this week, I thought it’d be fun to take a look back at the days when trolling took a little more work than simply firing off a misspelled death threat to some pinko who panned that batman movie you’re pretty sure is going to be awesome. This video, from our friends at EverythingisTerrible (awesome site) comes from the lost, 1986 VHS entitled “Revenge Tactics That Work.” It’s basically a primer on how to be a huge dick to everyone around you, from the days when doing so required more than just a computer and a few commenter accounts.
“Buy your loved one a locking gas cap, then keep the key yourself.”
“Squirt some crazy glue in your loved one’s door locks.”
“Break off a toothpick in your loved one’s ignition switch.”
And my personal favorite:
“Chain your loved one’s car to a tree.”
Bitch break your heart? Chain that bitch’s car to a tree! This video proves that good trolling doesn’t have to be sly or clever or creative, it just has to be brazenly dickish. “Don’t like someone? Here’s a pro tip – sock him in the dick while he’s sleeping! Just walk right up to him and stab him in the belly, then burn his house down!”
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I didn’t know the early usenet “get even” copypasta was later made into an even creepier video tutorial on being a sociopathic dick.
“Anally rape someone’s mother while pouring sugar down her gas tank.”
“Pee in your neighbor’s wife’s butt” works pretty well.
Aw, how quaint.
Encasing the toilet in clear saran wrap is timeless trolling.
Putting a turd or two in the cistern has good mileage too. It’s a nice way to round off a night that has featured barmaids rejecting your advances.
The best one I’d heard was, “Use cat urine to liquefy some dog shit and then inject it in a loved one’s neck with a syringe you dug out of a hospital dumpster.”
*sniff* Grandpa loved the classics and I miss him dearly.
Man, they really must have hated Stand By Me.
I was there when fingerless leather gloves met lacy, whorish gloves. Good times.
EveryThingIsTerrible.com throws a Found-Footage Festival every year in LA and it is the rizzle dizzle my fellow Filmgangsters.
Robopanda, it’s actually an older series of books, from just before (or at least the beginning of) Usenet, by George Hayduke (or a group of people):
[www.amazon.com]