I know Summit probably realized years ago that they could release literally any promo material from Twilight and the Twihards would eat it up like their cats with so much fancy feast, but this is getting ridiculous. This new batch of 11 promotional stills they just released is far and away the most boring marketing I've ever seen. It's like they went out of their way to make it especially unexciting just to keep from getting sued when that British Shrek chick finally has a heart attack. This batch of half-assed pictures reads like some bastard child of Mervyn's fall collection, that calendar from Zoolander, glamour shots by Deb, and Hot Topic jewelry. Oh, and a LOT of gayness. Like, a lot a lot.
Vampires have no pigment. Or facial expressions, apparently. Those are the blankest facial expressions I've ever seen. It's like they took pains to perfectly recreate :-| in real life.
:-| :-|
Two Twilight vampires.
:-[ :-[
Now with fangs.
Seriously, my mom took a glamour shot at the mall in 1996 that looks exactly like this. Is this someone's idea of edgy? Ooh, a popped collar on a leather jacket? Look out, Secretary's Night, Meredith's about to let loose!
|{:-|
How's my hair, you guyth, theriouthly.
Would you paca me? Alpaca me. Alpaca me hard.
Sparkle me, Edward. Sparkle me raw.
THIS IS THE SAME PICTURE AS TWO PICTURES AGO ONLY WITHOUT THE BUTTON UP.
"Hey, here's Jacob in a t-shirt. Here's Jacob in a t-shirt with a pocket. Isn't this movie going to be awesome?" -Summit marketing dept.
Vampires may stay youthful forever, but they betray their true age by styling their hair like 53-year-old insurance salespeople from Topeka.
"Yeah, bro, did you see the tuft of highlights in my hair? That was my idea. I like to add a personal touch to all my roles. It's part of my preparation."
I call this piece "the timeless brooch of Photoshopped hair."
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA
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AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Phew. Okay. Get a hold of yourself, Mancini. Sorry. I like to call this one "Kiss me I'm constipated."
Sorry, okay, just one more...
[via HeyUGuys]
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The Kellan Lutz picture’s caption should just be “duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh”
Seriously, the other pictures may be (and are) : | but at least it doesn’t look like they all got lobotomies. “Utterly Confused” doesn’t even begin to describe that look.
Notice how Kellan Lutz’s eyes seem to be uneven.
Vince: I get it.
Im in tears.
And here I thought that Photoshop was supposed to make you look better.
Ugh, I’ve never understood how Nikki Reed got cast as Rosalie. She definitely does NOT scream drop dead gorgeous temptress.
……….
I mean……
LOOK! GARY BUSEY AND NICKE NOLTE ARE HAVING A THREE WAY WITH NICHOLAS CAGE!
good save
And women really beat off to this huh? Chicks are weird.
50 Shades of Ghey.
What’s with the albino Corey Feldman picture? Is this a cross-over from Lost Boys to Twilight?
But don’t you get it?! In the last two movies, Kristen and Rob were together but in this one they are together AND her eyes are baby poo yellow.
I mean if you don’t know the difference then you just don’t know movies.
Pic 10:
*John Candy busts through the wall like the Kool Aid Man, tosses a coupon for a free pilates session at New Life Fitness World at…uh…whoever that chick in pic 10 is*
“Take this, go downtown, and have Taylor Lautner gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam.”
Sears photo studio got some serious skillz.
VIIIIIIIINCE!!!!! It is clear from your silly childish jokes that you just don’t get the story.
Ughhhh.
She was a really plain girl and no one noticed her. A super amazing guy came into her life who seemed perfect, but, it was complicated, like they say on the facebook. Then this guy with super abs came into her life, but that was also complicated because he was like ethnic (ewwwwww), I mean like different (different how you ask? Oh, I don’t know, why don’t you just wait till the NEW MOON to find out!!!!!
[hears whispers] full moon? Oh whatever you guys, you KNEW what I meant!!! Gawd)
Then the first special guy AND the second special guy fell in love with her, because even though they could have had any other slutty girl in school, they wanted this specific slutty girl (because she was physically incapable of grimacing…even during anal…I assume), who hadn’t been caught by photographers being slutty yet.
And then in the end, something, something, felt vagina? I don’t know, I’m sorry man, that’s as long as I could keep that up. I have no idea what these retards are yapping about.
What a bunch of pasty white Nancies. No wonder kids today are so screwed up, worshiping a bunch of damn sissies. That Kristen gal’s kind’a cute though
Hemingway’s Foyer – Your Last Place To Be A Man
http://www.hemingwaysfoyer.com
Well at least we now know what the true weakness of vampires is in the Twilight Universe.
Smiling.
That last picture is male duckface. God help us all.
WHY DO ALL OF THE VAMPIRES HAVE RED HAIR WHY
Seriously, they don’t even have red hair in the books or the movies, why are they dark red in the promos?
It’s like a photoshop-happy cosmetology student revived the 19th century practice of corpse photography.
These are hilarious!
These look like glorified mug shots.