You guys, I look at this banner image and actually feel bad for Topher Grace. That’s how bad this is. Just imagine if they combined ALL YOUR FAVORITE F*CKED-OUT ROM-COM PLOTS into ONE SOULLESS VACCUUM OF A CHARDONNAY FART?!?
THIS SUMMER! KATHERINE HEIGL QUEEFS INTO YOUR EYES, EARS, AND MOUTH! ROBERT DENIRO’S AGENT TRADES HIS LAST SHRED OF CREDIBILITY FOR AN EIGHT-BALL! AMANDA SEYFRIED SOMETHING SOMETHING DONKEY NOISE!
My God, this piece of sh*t has everything:
- Ex-Husbands and ex-wives rekindling their love!
- Having to fake a relationship for the disapproving in-laws!
- Cultural misunderstandings at a wedding!
- Inappropriate painting of a lover!
- Best friends fighting over a man!
- Characters constantly overreacting to things!
Oh my God, you don’t think Susan Sarandon would spike Robert DeNiro’s food with anything… do you?!?! I mean what if she spiked his filet with Viagra and he started knocking stuff over with his boner? It would be a disaster, especially with that big meeting he has coming up with the Japanese! His livelihood depends on it!
And let’s not forget, the last time Robin Williams hilariously played a priest in a Rom-Com (License to Wed, 2007, starring Mandy Moore, John Krasinski, and a robot baby – seriously, a robot baby), The Guardian described it thusly:
“Josef Goebbels had a home movie made of the failed 1944 Hitler assassins being hanged from meathooks with piano wire. It probably had more laughs, more fun, more feelgood moments than this family comedy.” -The Guardian
So sure, why wouldn’t we want to remind people of that? Serious discussion question: do you think the people who write these rom-coms are conscious of all the movies they’re ripping off when they write them, or is it simply a case of mediocre minds thinking alike?
God, look at her. Making people suffer through awful movies is like an aphrodisiac to her.
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Damn you, Mancini! Are you metaphysically compelled to put up a new post when He finally manages to pinch out something moderately humorous in the previous?
Bienvenidos a mi mundo.
Toughest Choice of the Century:
Watching Twilight: Break Dawn vs. Anything with Katherine Heigl
Twilight is actually “funny” bad, so it has that going for it. }}:>/
I’ll take that challenge! Can the anything with Heigl be Under Siege 2: Dark Territory?
Oh, snap, Ers!
I just skimmed this, but the home movie where Heigel gets hung from a meat hook sounds pretty solid.
Knocked Up? Admittedly, Heigl isn’t terrible in it, even though she brings nothing to the table.
twilight drunk, hands down.
Is she actually stuck to a diving board by suction?
COTW
Sure, Bobby, I’ll punch you in the face as many times as you want me to.
Seyfried warned us not to see this movie, saying, “It’s a trap!”
Larry, you scamp! This comment earned a full Miley Cyrus-grade LOL from yours truly
How is this bitch still getting work? HOW?! She’s not even a good enough actress to make up for being such a backstabby buzzkill.
Can an Academy Award be taken back?
Well it can certainly be taken aback…and it is sir, at this terrible performance
Even as a trailer this sucks. If you’re going to do a screwball rom/com wedding mishap fartstravaganza, at least do it with some energy. The editing tries its best to accentuate the jokes but they’re delivered with such apathy there isn’t a record scratch big enough to save them. They even dusted off “What I Like About You.”
My girlfriend is Heigl’s doppelganger. I know, I know, it sucks. It’s almost a deal breaker… almost. I’m so confused.
Totally understandable if you’re a woman beater.
I’m just gonna say this but… if she’s a ringer for a younger Heigl minus the cuntiness I would knock the stuffing out of it.
But that’s just me.
Better start the knife-fight training now. There can be only one.
I hate to admit it, but I had a pretty big boner for her in My Father the Hero. In my defense she was only 16 in that movie. Anyhoo, I’m going to go ahead and delete this comment.
“…and I was much happier before he told me Dame Edna was a man”
I’ll go to Federal PMITA prison with Vince on this one. 16 year old Heigl in a thong swinging it aro … hang on someone’s at the door.
Well hello there Chris Hansen. We were just talking about you.
16 is legal in most states.
Speaking of almost 16, my guess is that if Vince ever saw Chloe Moretz in person he would explode like the sex scene in Scary Movie. I know because I would too.
Heigl used to be pretty hot. Now she looks like someone’s middle-aged chain-smoking aunt. She only 33, but now she’s competing with Kate Hudson for most hagged-out chick in the under forty division.
Middle-aged chain-smoking aunt is just rounding in to form for me. Nasty, red faced and redder assed seals the deal.
Pigpeen–I’m here for the doppelgangbang.
So this is what it’s like when my eyeballs want to vomit…
How the fuck is this movie not directed by Nancy Meyers?
It deals with religion. Little too edgy.
Holy crap. It’s Heiglgeddon.
Antiquated Catholic views on divorce? Pfft, give me some real stakes.
Amanda Seyfried – “His biological mother is very much a Somalian Muslim.”
[SMASH CUT]
Diane Keaton – “Do you know what your son just told me? Al’s biological mother is under the impression that women with an intact clitoris are evil jins who use their own demonic sexual pleasure to tempt righteous men!”
[EPIC RECORD SCRATCH]
An OBGYN operates between two feet separated by stirrups. Diane Keaton’s head pops up, she SCREAMS and clutches Robert De Niro’s hand so tight his face turns red.
Robert De Niro – “Does it hurt?”
Diane Keaton – “What do you care? Not like you ever noticed it when we were married.”
[EPIC RECORD SCRATCH - CUE "WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU"]
seriously wish i had something better to add to this, but my god i am literally wiping tears from my eyes
I want very much for this to be added to the movie.
This is the longest goddamned toothpaste commercial I’ve ever heard of. They don’t even mention what brand they’re advertising!
i’m still waiting for Taxi Driver DeNiro to come back
Seriously, what the eff ever happened to Robert DiNero? Is this the cruel twist in the Faustian deal he made as a youth with the Devil o become rich and famous?
Every single actor in this has the greatest agent in the world and absolutely no shame.
So it’s The Birdcage brought to us by Chick-fil-A?
You can’t just give away the perfect tagline. Sell that shit.
(a) I don’t begrudge De Niro his chance to make some easy money in his old age, as long as none of it comes from my pocket (I saw “Killer Elite,” “Machete,” and “Limitless” but I didn’t pay, alright?). I just find it a little odd that he’s suddenly morphed into “funny old guy” roles.
(b) has any good film ever been written AND directed by someone named “Justin?” Wait, has anything, anywhere good ever been done by someone named “Justin?”
Justin Halpern has an awesome dad.
Well, and Justin Timberlake did Jessica Biel, so I guess that counts.
Justin Case offers sound auto insurance advice.
Those pugs have reaction shot greatness written all over them! What a waste.
That’s not a smile on Heigl’s face, she’s actually baring her teeth.
I’d rather watch “Tying the Not”
Is putting the song “What I Like About You” in movie trailers some kind of in joke in Hollywood? Or is it just a movie trailer editor who is desperately trying to send a surreptitious distress signal to the public without alerting the Hollywood Jewish cabal that he has turned on them? It’s got to be one or the other, right?