What's up, zombie killer babes?
Despite my affinity for zombie films – that Vince famously does not share – I do not really understand why we’re standing on the horizon of a fifth Resident Evil film. I’ve seen each of them, and while I love sci-fi adventures starring women in inexplicably tight, revealing outfits and I certainly don’t hate these films, I just don’t see how Sony and Screen Gems can keep milking this…
Hold on a second, the corpse of my great-great-great grandfather’s Civil War carrier pigeon, Gideon, has been reanimated and just delivered me a note:
“Dearest Dipsh*t,
Resident Evil - $102 million
Resident Evil: Apocalypse - $129 million
Resident Evil: Extinction - $147 million
Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D - $296 millionSincerely,
Sony and Screen Gems”
The moral of the story is that these movies absolutely kill overseas, so as long as Milla Jovovich stays married to the current director giving her work – in this case, Paul W.S. Anderson – we can expect to keep asking, “Another Resident Evil movie?”
The trailer for Retribution has been out for a few weeks, but after the jump I’ve included some new Resident Evil 5 stills, which show us that all the people who died in the previous films are somehow alive again. So good for them.
(Images via Coming Soon.)
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/1110/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/02/Emma-Watson1-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/09/Resident-Evil-Armond-White-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/08/Lance-Armstrong-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/08/ALF-Pogs-150x150.jpg)
As long as Mila is still hot, they will keep making them.
Hold on…the trailer said, and I air quote, “their final battle”…so this means they can’t make any more…right? That would be false advertising. We could sue, collectively that is, and they’d never be able to do this to us again. Don’t you understand? The end is in sight, we just have to hold on for a bit longer and then…we’re free!
[Sadly moments after these words left his lips, the virus hit his brain and Fast was just another victim of Milla's hate crimes against zombies]
I’ve only seen the first one, which was sort of dopey fun, but I had no idea that people loved watching Leeloo Dallas Multipass kill zombies THAT MUCH.
They’re the movie equivalent of Sony saying “You guys want zombies, so here, zombies” They’re not great films, but it’s still better than whatever possessed child/possessed house/found footage horseshit Hollywood pumps out.
And I can almost guarantee this will be more entertaining than the end result of Brad Pitt sodomizing the storyline of World War-Z.
How dare you defile the memory of Leeloo and her bandage outfit by associating that role with this one. The two are NOTHING ALIKE PATTY…if that IS your real name. Leeloo is an innocent assassin who knows nothing of our wordly ways. Like a little lamb, brought to slaughter…others…in a skimpy outfit…to save everyone. That is NOTHING like this load of drivel.
“The Fifth Element” or 5E as I like to call it is pure art, you watch your tongue young lady, you watch it.
Oh, I don’t even want to think about WWZ. I’m like 90% positive that it’s going to suck, and I LOVE the book.
As for The Fifth Element, that’s one of my favorite movies, so, trust me, there was no disrespect there.
They are pretty horrible. The one set in Vegas had zombies in a box all wearing matching outfits. There is no horror to them just upskirt spin kicks and psychic powers.
I’m 0-fer on the Spidermans, seen bits and pieces of the Batman, have no use for zombies but have seen all of these. Something in the water? Umbrella Corp is real? There is no rational explanation.
I’m one of the overseas people who sees and loves these movies, they kick ass. I’m not expecting anything other than explosions, sexy chicks, zombies and a good time and these movies deliver.
For me.. This is the movie of the year!! Yeah, we Europeans love Milla! And Resident Evil, movies and the games.
Did I see Jamie Lannister in there somewhere?
I used to love Zombie movies, but then they went too mainstream. *ironically pump shotgun, rolls eyes*
Milla Jovovich is hot? I’m not really convinced.
Point the first: Zombies have been run into the ground. A once-loved sub-genre (-hyphen) has became the ultimate irony. It’s dead but it keeps rising in a more ugly form LOLZ.
Point two: It’s interesting to consider that each RE sequal is exponentially worse than the previous film. I never thought about the box office take before but now I realize something. The rise in ticket sales roughly corresponds with the drop in quality. So yeah…put Milla in a sequel to The Reader or something else.
People love their zombies. Their shitty, hackneyed, pointless zombies.