When a gunman opens fire in a crowded movie theater, the sad truth is that it’s only a matter of time before some slimy lawyer convinces someone to sue the theater. CONGRATULATIONS, DONALD KARPEL! YOU WIN THE SLIMY D*CKLICKER SWEEPSTAKES!
Torrence Brown, Jr. was in Century 16 Theater when killer James Holmes let loose. One of Brown’s best friends, A.J. Boik, was shot in the chest and died. Brown, who was not physically injured, claims to now suffer from extreme trauma.
Brown has hired attorney Donald Karpel (right) to rep him. Karpel tells TMZ … he is targeting 3 defendants.
1. The theater. Karpel claims it was negligent for the theater to have an emergency door in the front that was not alarmed or guarded. It’s widely believed Holmes entered the theater with a ticket, propped the emergency door open from inside, went to his car and returned with guns.
Well sure. Maybe just lock the emergency doors from the outside next time to keep anyone from leaving, then going to their car to get an assault rifle, and coming back to shoot everyone. HOW COULD YOU NOT HAVE SEEN THIS COMING?! Now if there’s a fire, you can just look up the theater’s phone number on your phone, call the theater, have the theater radio the security guard, and have the security guard let you out before the flames burn your t-shirt. EASY PEASY!
2. Holmes’ doctors. Karpel says it appears Holmes was on several medications — prescribed by one or more doctors – at the time of the shooting and he believes the docs did not properly monitor Holmes.
Did you not see the commercial where it said this Claritin may cause headaches, dizziness, and shooting sprees? The bee voiced by Antonio Banderas told me so.
3. Warner Bros. Karpel says “Dark Knight Rises” was particularly violent and Holmes mimicked some of the action. The attorney says theater goers were helpless because they thought the shooter was part of the movie. Karpel tells TMZ, “Somebody has to be responsible for the rampant violence that is shown today.” [TMZ]
Yeah, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that the guy in the gas mask shooting people is probably the one responsible for the violence. If a guy punches you in a bar, do you blame the firm that installed the wallpaper?
But obviously, Donald Karpel is real classy guy, and “high-powered” too, if you believe all the news stories about him. (If he’s so powerful, why is he chasing ambulances?) Karpel’s previous clients include a woman who was allegedly slapped by Demi Lovato (I still don’t know who that is and I refuse to look it up), a paparazzo who was allegedly kicked by Sean Penn, and the Malibu High School student who was slapped by a teacher who asked her if she’d seen Bridesmaids. HAVE YOU BEEN HURT IN A JAX ACCIDENT OR SUFFERED A THUMB WRESTLING INJURY AT THE HANDS OF A MEMBER OF THE MICKEY MOUSE CLUB? LOS ANGELES ATTORNEY DONALD KARPEL CAN GET YOU TWO THIRDS OF THE SIX-FIGURE SETTLEMENT YOU DESERVE!
Here’s my favorite excerpt from a story about him:
Attorney Karpel is well-known in Hollywood. He’s represented some of the Hollywood’s famous people, and he has also famously taken on the powerful. Karpel sued Sean Penn, he also sued singer Demi Lavato, who punched a dancer and then refused to apologize.
Society should consider a class action lawsuit against the law school that produced him.
UPDATE: Just to end this on a positive note, the theater owners have begun a donation drive to benefit the families of the shooting victims.
[victims picture via TheHollywoodGossip, Karpel picture via DEK Law Firm]
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/Sad-Birthday-meadow-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/Intern-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Rosamund-Wrath-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Science-150x150.gif)
Bet he only represents weed dealers on the side and offers probation instead of jailhouse shankings.
Look lawyers, if you guys want us to stop making slimy lawyer jokes please consider STOP BEING SLIMY LAWYERS.
Sleazy douchebag lawyering aside, letting people in the emergency exit is a trick as old as movie theaters. How have they not found a way to deter people from doing this? Seems like an alarm that’s triggered when the door is open for more than five seconds might do the trick.
Or having the door rigged with one of those new alarmy thingies I’ve been hearing about in all the tech blogs.
Regardless, that’s clearly not the cause of the incident – assholes like this always find a way. However, be ready for a full body scan and some body cavity searching at your next $20 movie…
Sounds like someone called Saul.
“Karpel says ‘Dark Knight Rises’ was particularly violent and Holmes mimicked some of the action.”
Somehow this lawyer has found a way to manipulate time and space considering that according to the normal laws of science us mere mortals live by, it would be impossible for Holmes to have seen the entire movie ahead of time–before it was shown–while simultaneously warping backward to acquire all of his weapons after having been so obviously damaged by a PG-13 movie. Looks like we’re dealing with multiple realities here. “Your Honor, I call to the stand my first witness: Dr. Who.” Surprised this guy isn’t suing the creator of [Generic Military FPS Video Game] for good measure.
This guy ranks somewhere above Bob Loblaw and slightly below Saul Goodman for “Best Lawyer of All Time Who Probably Isn’t Licensed”
He makes Saul Goodman look like Johnnie Cochran.
So, uh, what about the millions of people who watched the Batman movies and didn’t murder anyone?
You’re tacky and I hate you.
They are anomalies and can be ignored.
If you were ever to crack a history book, you’ll notice that back in the Olden Days, before we had violent movies and TV and computer games, society was completely free of violence, and nobody ever died except of natural causes.
I didn’t even catch that the lawsuit was on behalf of someone who wasn’t shot. That’s a whole other level right there.
They don’t make lawyers like Barry Zuckerkorn anymore.
He’s very good.
I just love that he’s not representing somebody who got hurt…he’s representing a guy who saw someone get hurt, and is now sad about it.
“Hiiii, I’m high-powered lawyer Donald Karpel. You may remember me from such frivolous lawsuits as ‘Demi Lovato Poked Me in the Eye’ and ‘Sean Penn Looked At Me Kinda Funny’….”
+1.
This plop plop machine should have stayed frozen in his cave. I can’t believe he’s trying to make me hate him more than the dickholes who say that 100-round magazines for assault rifles are necessary for legitimate sportsmen because, the founding fathers.
Also, thanks, USD (not to be confused with UCSD or EPMD):
[members.calbar.ca.gov]
Donald Karpel is a son of a bitch. About 6’8, 345 lbs, he sues many powerful and influential people. He punched a dancer and made Demi Lavato think she did it. Yeah, he’s a son of a bitch! He stands about 7’9, 515 lbs, Sean Penn was no match! Donald Karpel is a son of a bitch! Best damn lawyer in the office!
Nothing screams we need tort reform more than a douchebag who has made a living off of lawsuits based on people being slapped, kicked and in the vicinity of danger.
I don’t normally like to wish the “SAW” franchise on anyone, but if there’s anyway someone anonymous can arrange for all of the acts that happened in those films to be applied to this guy and his client..you know…without them dying before it’s all over, well that would be just super. Toodles.
I don’t wish the “Saw” franchise on anyone either, but I definitely think he should be forced to watch all 7 of them as punishment
@IZGOOD, easy, easy there cowboy. Suffering the tortures the film depicts is one thing, being forced to suffer the films is something else altogether. We cannot allow one act of barbarianism to drive us to the same!!!
For a hefty price, Donald Karpel will also be your new agent, bodyguard, unauthorized biographer, and drug dealer…er, keeper-awayer
To be fair, I did sue Magic Mike for convincing me to go to KFC and order “all white all white all white.”
(Meat).
COTW
Wait, are we still doing that? Anyone remember when the last COTW was? I’m thinking end of June / beginning of July.
I think it’s now the Quarterly Comment Award.
I dunno’. Let’s sue somebody over it.
Best Comment in the Tri-State Area.
I’d suggest a class action, but I went to Chik-Fil-A.
Hey you just got shot at,
And that guy was crazy,
So here’s my 1-800 number,
Let’s sue the sh*t out of anyone that may have even a modicum of blame or responsibility and make a f*cking mint.
Maybe.
Simpsons did it!
(checks wikipedia…SOB!)
Hey, sorry man, they haven’t done that one yet…but give it time.
In the time-honored tradition of Lionel Hutz and his false-advertising lawsuit against the movie “The Neverending Story.”
Probably, Mr. Karpel felt it was unfair that only, you know, the “victims” would get all of the free money floating around in this case.
“Hey Donald! It’s your cousin, Marvin! Marvin Karpel! You know that excuse you’ve been looking for to get revenge on Christopher Nolan ever since he worked around the 555-phone rule in ‘Inception’ by using a 6-digit number? Well listen to THIS-”
i love this so much I want to buy it drinks and take it back to my place.
“Karpel says “Dark Knight Rises” was particularly violent and Holmes mimicked some of the action.”
BATMAN. DOES. NOT. USE. GUNS.
I mean, yes, the bad guys do. But the hero of the story is so notoriously anti-guns.
I think by identifying himself as “The Joker” to police and shooting up a theater of innocent people, that d-bag doesn’t exactly identify with the good guys in Batman movies.
Two quotes from “Plan 9 from Outer Space” seem quite apropos here:
(1) “But one thing’s sure. Inspector Clay is dead, murdered, and somebody’s responsible.” Translated to Karpel-speak: “But one thing’s sure. Many people are dead, murdered, and somebody’s responsible–preferably somebody with lots of money, not the asshole killer, because we can’t sue HIM.”
(2) “Because all you of Earth are idiots.”
Wow. I did not think this was real and then I looked up his information:
Bar Number: 61678
Address: Law Offices of Zelner & Karpel
9777 Wilshire Blvd Ste 1000
Beverly Hills, CA 90212
Phone Number: (310) 273-8444
Fax Number: (310) 273-6937
e-mail: Not Available
I live right next to this unwiped asshole? I need to start building my shit catapult.
If there was a kickstarter fund for a lawyer’s education where all he did was find loopholes to legally poop, pee, or fart in the general direction of shitty ambulance lawyers, I would fund it by myself.
Emergency door otherwise known as the exit door which must be able to be opened from the inside at all times.
This is the facebook page for this scumbag’s client. [www.facebook.com]
He also thinks the 4th of July is a fake holiday whatever the hell that means.
That guy has grown ups in his favorite movies list…
I’m not gonna say it, but I know we’re all thinking it.
Side note – what is it with kids and their complete inability to enable Facebook’s privacy settings? I shouldn’t be able to read about your Chik Fil A employment history.
/Slams door, walks 5 miles in the snow to school./
Donald Karpel is at least doing something for a victim of a heinous crime when every website is publicizing the shooter’s identity and details about his life and how he shows up in court, only fueling the next narcissistic lunatic.
Yeah, he’s helping another opportunistic piece of shit line his pockets with the money of people who had nothing to do with the shooter. If you want to call that “doing something” or a guy who didn’t get injured in the shooting “a victim,” then yeah, I guess you’re right, but that seems like a stretch.
To be fair, getting caught in a shooting and seeing your best friend killed is still pretty freaking traumatic. This is just the douchebag lawyer taking advantage of someone who’s possibly too traumatized to think straight.
They might actually have a case regarding the emergency exits.
But the cases against the doctors and Warner Brothers are desperate and will be dismissed in a heartbeat. The one against WB especially will never, ever, fly as it’s a matter of free speech. This lawyer is an idiot if he actually thinks he could win that.
Wow what a fucking cocksucker.
Two filthy pigs, looking for fame and money.
I’m suing Vince for the headache caused by the facepalm I just gave myself.
Men like this are why I decided against becoming a lawyer and instead am unemployed and live in my parents basement playing Xbox and drinking Monster Energy Drinks. Because of men like him. Yeah. That’s it. What do you mean that’s an excuse. No it’s not. What? My collection of teddy bears is unrelated. And yes, I self identify as a Brony. I hate you mom. Why are you always so mean when you drink?!
shouldn’t you be chastising the asshole who went to this low life lawyer to push this suit?
“Batman the dark knight”
I was and still am in sadness—to hear of the horrific event that took place at the viewing of “Batman the dark knight.” When the smoke clears—we must look at how this tragedy occurred and “how it could have been prevented.”
The shooter went out of the EMERGENCY door, went to his car, changed clothes, got strapped—and REENTERED the theater through the same door? An alarm (audible or silent) was supposed to notify the staff (security) that someone opened that door?
Someone was supposed to “immediately” check that door, look outside, and then make sure that the EMERGENCY door was locked? He obviously put something in the door to keep it from closing completely?
When I was a teenager growing up in the Ghettos of Over-town—we would have one person pay to enter the Theater—go to the emergency door and let the rest of us in free? They stopped this back in the late 60’s—by having the staff monitor the doors and equipping the doors with an Alarm (silent or audible)?
Lonnie Robinson