So, uh… I wasn’t planning to write about this whole Kristen Cheated on Rob! story, but that was before the people involved started issuing official statements about it. A 22-year-old broad cheated on her boyfriend? STOP THE PRESSES! What’s next, her boyfriend calls a press conference about his premature ejaculation? 
Anyway, as Stewart told People after getting busted cheating (Us Weekly got a picture where he might be kissing her boobs) with her married director of Snow White and the Huntsman, Rupert Sanders:
“I’m deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I’ve caused to those close to me and everyone this has affected. This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I’m so sorry,” Stewart said in a statement Wednesday. [People]
Stewart’s camp appears to be in serious damage-control mode, with a source telling People magazine that the actress has been reeling from her betrayal of Pattinson, 26, her boyfriend of three years whom she first met while filming the first “Twilight” installment. “It was a mistake and a complete lapse in judgment. “She wasn’t having an affair with Rupert. It was just a fleeting moment that shouldn’t have happened. She never meant to hurt anyone. She’s a good person who just made a bad choice.”
“Kristen is absolutely devastated,” the source said. [NYDailyNews]
She’s all torn up inside! Anxiously twirling her hair and biting her lip, no doubt. She’s probably all full of angst, you don’t have to be a source close to Kristen to figure that out. Meanwhile, Sanders, 41, issued a statement of his own:
Sanders also issued a public apology to his wife and children, essentially confirming his tryst with Stewart and indicating he is trying to mend his broken home.
“I am utterly distraught about the pain I have caused my family,” he told People. “My beautiful wife and heavenly children are all I have in this world. I love them with all my heart. I am praying that we can get through this together.” [NYDailyNews]
Oh sure, two public apologies and neither of you are sorry about that abortion of a movie you made? I mean, as long as you’re apologizing in public, you might as well apologize to the public. Wait, why are you apologizing in public again? Oh well, I guess we’re all in this together. I just hope we’ll be able to carry on after a tragedy of this magnitude.
Snow White, sparkling white… she certainly has a type, something something (*mouthfart*) donkey sound.
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This is simple. Rob gets a free pass to fuck any dude he wants.
Cat ladies will throw a fit…or a cat…or a fit cat. I don’t know what I’m talking about.
At least Cronenberg dodged the bullet.
Now that shes a slut, shes mildly interesting.
Might just be me but in the photo Sanders looks like a half burnt up Terminator.
No. You’re right. He has re-vitiligo.
cum with me if you want to live
meh, that was awesome
Anyone else get the vibe that this is a studio manufactured relationship? Like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes or Gwenyth Paltrow and Blythe Danner?
YES! It has always seemed that way. Pattinson is obviously gay, and his “love” for Stewart has always struck me as a studio contract kind of thing to keep the Twi-hards tied up in bunches. Now that the whole crapfest is about to be over in a few months, a “break-up” has to occur upon the ending of the contract. Stewart’s indiscretion just changed their timetable, maybe. Or, Lord, maybe THIS was part of the plan, too.
Or Ernie and Burt.
No chance that anyone involved with this franchise could have come up with something that complicated
Oh, man, the fangirls are gonna’ turn on her for betraying her perfect, sparkly boyfriend.
The commenters are dying over at Celebuzz. “Say it’s not true! Kristen wouldn’t do this!”.
Haha.
A minimally talented young actress with an inflated sense of “passion” for her “craft” has an affair with a “creative” authority figure decades her senior? This is unprecedented.
Still a better love story than Twilight.
+1
This.
Only in Hollywood do you apologize to someone for banging someone else through your publicist.
“Oh sure, two public apologies and neither of you are sorry about that abortion of a movie you made? I mean, as long as you’re apologizing in public, you might as well apologize to the public.”
This is magic. I may jerk off into a sock to this statement later in the day. But first I must dance. DANCE!
IMDb has Sanders on for Snow White 2 and Stewart as “Rumored”. Pattinson’s agent better make sure they create a role for a sparkly vampire in it.
I hope she didn’t get pregnant. The baby would probably be name Krupstert.
She’s actually delivering the baby in the car. Sanders is just biting his way through the uterus.
“Kristen is absolutely devastated,” the source said.
I mean yeah, look at her, it’s written all over her face.
So. Much. EMOTION.
It’s clear she’s experiencing an orgasm when the photo was taken.
This will make the Twilight press conferences and premieres so delightfully awkward, though.
Well, even more awkward than they already were.
Dude, if you’re going to cheat on your wife with a young starlet, at least do it with one who has a pulse and is capable of making an O-face!
You can tell when she’s having an orgasm because she briefly stops biting her lip.
She’s about as energetic as a box of wine. What does that mean? It’s all up to interpretation. Kind of like Mars Volta Lyrics. What do those mean? BBQ Sauce on cupcakes.
What’s more important is that the banner pic looks like Taylor Lautner has the beginnings of a Ruby Rhod style hair tube.
As much as I wish this were true, his hair is blending with the man behind him.
Commercial!
I’m team Rupert, you guys!
Um, it’s pretty well known that Rob fucks all kinds of other girls – including Ashley Green. Kristen might as well get some on the side too.
And by pretty well known do you mean read on Perez Hilton?
And by “other girls” he meant “guys”
And by “Ashley Green”, he meant “Ashley Burns”. Look at the first comment…just sayin’.
Yeah a 26yr old huge star is going to be faithful to his gf? Who’re the naive ones here?
Who’re indeed.
Dude’s going to be aplogizing to his soon to be ex wife’s bank account.
Confession time: I once masturbated to the father and son in Panic Room, boy was I glad to find out they were both female.
Banner pic was taken right as Robert Pattinson started to break out in a faithful rendition of Al Jolson tunes….”Mammy!”
When reached for comment, Mr. Pattinson replied ” I have no comment”, while making a face that looked like a cross between someone who just broke their leg and someone who was taking an sphincter stretching dump.
Its quite simple, Rob and K-Stew can’t express emotion on camera so the make up this fake relationship to at least pretend that they care for each other. And now some dude with a camera captured Stewart auditioning for “Snowhite and the Huntsman 2: Eclectic Boogaloo” and tha hole thing just went to sh@t.
Still that public statement almost made my brain shut down.
It’s times like these when I thank god for the unintentional comedy gold mine that is the imdb comments section. It’s where 40 year old cat ladies go to vent their spleens (they are already organizing a boycott of everything Stewart does in the future).
There’s No WaY! SHE couldn’t do this! HOW COUlLD YOU CHEAT ON SUCH A MAN? {hypnosis broken}. Oh my, hello! Great post, great thread
If I was Rupert whatever-the -fuck my statement would’ve been:
Fuck yeah I did. And it was mediocre at best.
I’m just waiting for the Twihards to make the google journey to these harrowing shores.
Does this mean a respite from the millions of ‘Bellas’ that were about to heartburn their way out of trailer park homes the world over?
Why are you posting this fucking bullshit?
Robert Pattinson’s face is so flat he looks like a character from a PlayStation game.
I’m sure the world will be able to move on from such a truly DEVASTATING turn of events. The guilt these two have must be all the punishment in the world. Please…
Three months from now we’ll find out that Rob was actually there.
In the room.
Silently watching her.
And it hurt so bad that it really, really hurt.
Undoubtedly bobby is fine with this as now he’s free to chase all the penises he’s been wanting to now that the beard contact is broken.