It’s hardly a surprise anymore that every year’s list of most popular names reflects heavily upon what’s hot in TV, film, and general pop culture. For instance, I can’t wait to see how many Bellas show up on Maury Jr. in 14 years to take blood tests to determine which Edward is the father of their daughter, Renesmee. And in another 16 years, they’ll be joined by this year’s crop of most popular baby names that are… just terrible, people.
Thankfully, Twilight is out of the picture now, but The Hunger Games and, surprisingly, Game of Thrones are the hot new name sources, which isn’t any better. Babies should not be named after medieval fantasy literature or apocalyptic science fiction. You will never see a president or quarterback named Peeta or Haymitch, dammit.
After the jump, check out this year’s hot names and their sources, and then call your parents and thank them for naming you Todd or Rebecca, instead of Galaxus or Spoogesock.
1) Senna (female) and Cinna (male) – From The Hunger Games. The bonus for either of these names is that they’re already halfway to stripper and porn names.
2) Niall (male) – From one of the dudes in that pop group One Direction. Attention American parents: You’re going to look like a total schmuck when you explain this name to your kid’s teachers in three years.
3) Arya (female) – From Game of Thrones. I guess it’s better than Daenerys. But either way, the chances that a couple that names their daughter anything after Game of Thrones having a nerdy guy friend who is a complete pervert are very high. Won’t end well.
4) Decimus (male) – From Gladiator and The Hunger Games, sort of (because they use the suffix -us, apparently). This is an awesome name if your son plans to fight lions.
5) Caia (female) – From the Lunarmorte novels. I don’t know or care what Lunarmorte is, but I’m sure I’ll end up writing about how the books have been optioned by October.
6) Gatsby (male) – This is awful. F*cking hipsters.
7) Blue (female) – From Jay-Z and Beyonce. There’s nothing worse than people who name their newborn child after what a celebrity couple just named their newborn child. I guarantee most of these people think, “Maybe I’ll run into Jay and Beyonce, and they’ll want to be friends because both of our daughters are named Blue!”
8) Zebulon (male) – From the Bible. “The Cardinals are making a call to the bullpen… yes, it’s the lefty, Zebulon Jones.”
9) Sybil (female) – From Downton Abbey. This isn’t bad, I guess.
10) Calix (male) – From Greek mythology. Another great name, if you plan for your child to lead a slave revolution in the name of the goddess of occupying.
11) Halcyon (female) – Another mythical name, also what former Daily Show correspondent Beth Littleford named her daughter. “What’s up, Hal?” said the girl’s father as he drank more.
12) Django (male) – From Django Unchained. The name means “I Awake” which is cool and all, but the movie’s not even out yet. How do we know the character doesn’t end up being the most evil movie villain in history? Chill, people.
13) Nova (female) – More mythology, based on the celestial sister of Aurora. I can see a father now, just days after agreeing to name his daughter Nova, reading that it’s the same as Aurora, and gently sobbing as he deletes The Violation of Aurora Snow from his hard drive.
14) Theon (male) – From Game of Thrones. “Stafford back to pass, he looks deep, he’s got a man wide open, IT’S THEON SMITH! And he drops it because he wanted to learn interpretive dance.”
UPDATE: For the people crying that I’m some sort of ill-mannered dick who is just being mean, I should point out that A) My parents named me after a movie character, B) That name is Ashley (from Gone with the Wind), and, therefore, C) I think I’ve earned the right to pass judgment on the idea of pre-determining your child’s level of agony as he or she is teased for decades because of your strange fascination with a literary character. But hey, it only took me 20+ years to get used to people calling my name at a restaurant and saying, “Oh sorry, I was expecting a girl”, which just happened three days ago. So yeah, I’m a dick, but at least I have a reason.
(H/T to the HuffPo)
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I was going to name my kid Theon, but I named him Reek instead.
Reek Reek it rhymes with freak.
As in what that kids going to be called.
On a cooler note:
Reek, Reek it rhymes with deke, he shoots, he scores!
I’ve got a package here for a Mr. Asswipe.
It’s pronounced Oz-WEEP-ay!
Oh having had all my expectations subverted at the end of season 1, I’m going to just name my kid after a minor character in this TV series based on a series of novels without reading ahead. Nothing could possiblay go wrong…
Theon likes to get peed-on.
People are naming their kids Django because of the gypsy jazz craze that’s sweeping the globe.
If you want to name something after a character in a book, adopt a fucking cat.
EXACTLY. These are pet names, not people names.
I mean, you’d think that the people who picked these names would be more likely to have pets than kids anyway.
2nd that EXACTLY.
(Has a cat named “Spot”….whom we all know is the name of Data’s cat on Next Gen.)
my friend actually named her black cat Django like 4 months ago. that’s a fine cat name. but for a kid? pah-leeze.
I have a pet halibut named Eric.
@Dingus. You must be a loony.
in 9 months we’ll see at lot of “Channing”s being born.
ACCEPTABLE.
…as well as a lot of laaaawbreakers being born.
Look, with the exception of maybe Sybil, these are all ridiculous. But THEON?! If you’re going to name your child after a fictional character, at least pick one that isn’t a traitorous douchebag pervert.
What’s next, naming your kid Ramsey Snow?
If you want to go the evil douchebag route, why not Joffrey? At least thats not an unheard of name. Sure, its rare and the kid will probably always be mistakenly called Jeffrey, but you won’t be naming him after a whiny runt who hasn’t had an independent thought or action since the day he was conceived.
Well that could describe Joffrey too, but at least he got to be King.
but isnt the name sybil associated with a notoriously crazy person?
To be fair, Niall is an Irish name that has been round forever.
I named my kid Galactus, but only because of his giant purple hat
Shut up, Meg.
+Qaplah
I used to get a little irked being an “Uncle Jesse” to my niece & nephew (most people associate that with Full House, the occasional rad dude remembers it from Dukes of Hazzard). I’ll make damned sure no one in my family tree ever makes mention of an “Uncle Gatsby”. DAMNED SURE
Holy fuck, “Django” and “Gatsby” are goddamn awful. Arya isn’t so bad, I guess.
Arya isn’t terrible, because at lease she’s an awesome character and it’s not impossible to pronounce.
But I’m betting that the influx of Aryas will lead to kindergarten classrooms with Arya A., Arya D., etc.
It could have been worse, they could name their daughters Sansa.
Aw, I like Sansa. Not nearly as much as I like Arya, but HATERS GONNA’ HATE.
Either way, it’s pretty weird to name your kid after something that’s wildly inappropriate for kids.
Influx of Aryans, almost always bad.
@Patty
Sounds like names for Met Art models. Not that I would know anything about that.
I believe Aria is a name that exists already. Changing the spelling don’t mean much.
Cinna (male)
I think you meant Cinnaman. *wah wah waaaah*
Also, I’m going to tell myself that all the kids named Django are an homage to the great Django Reinhardt. Then break some of their parents fingers. You know, in remembrance.
Why can’t people name their kids after great athletes like they used to? There was a time where you couldn’t throw a Michael without hitting a Jordan.
Then again, Lolo is a fucking stupid name. Never mind.
Yolo, however, would be a GREAT name
Is this like when Dr. Spock was riding Mr. Spock’s coattails?
It’s worth noting that these “hot” lists are usually based off the biggest percent changes. So if a name was incredibly rare before it doesn’t take much of an absolute increase to become “popular.”
Yeah, if “worth noting” means “ruining all of our fun”.
Cinna and Decimus are pretty good (if you were naming a child and living in 1st century BC Rome).
…back then hipsters named their kids “jesus”
Pop culture names can work out. My dad named me Double Dragon Jones and I was the most popular kid in school until fifth grade, when I was constantly picked on by Tek N. Snyder.
I can’t tell you how pissed off I was after naming my son Aidan (after Aidan Quinn, actually, and because it’s a fine Irish name), only to find out scores of kids were being named “Aiden” because of Sex and the City.
GIVE ME BACK MY HERITAGE YOU MANOLO-WEARING HARPIES!!@!!@!!!
That’s not to say that the parents & TV shows of yester-year were any better. Thanks to American Gladiators popularity you couldn’t throw a rock in my school without hitting a Csonka (male or female) on the head
Another step closer to Idiocracy. Apparently none of these parents read Freakonomics.
To be fair, these names are better, even if it’s marginally, than adding a “La” or “Sha” to the front or “qua” or “que” to the end of a normal name.
Ironically enough, Zebulon Jones is a pretty plauseable NFL/ NBA name. Ain’t that right, Plaxico?
Is it sad that I’m actually surprised that Katniss wasn’t on this list?
Not in a “how could Katniss not be on here!?!?!?! RAR!!!!” kind of way, but more like a “holding on to faith in humanity” way.
I think giving your child a strange name is a way to establish your authority over that child early on. I’ll call you whatever the f@*# I want and you’ll like it!
Theo > Theon
I think I’m going to write a young adult sci-fi series and name the character after Assyrian and Babylonian figures. I hope to increase the number of people currently named Nebuchadnezzar or Hammurabi.
Some of the baby names on the decline include:
Chandler – from sitcom Friends
Hitler – from Inglorious Bastards
Prometheus – from Greek Mythology and Prometheus
Alf – From sitcom and earnest TV movie ALF
Dexter – From Dexter’s Laboratory and Dexter
Clumsy – From The Smurfs
Renesmee – from notable cat attacks
and
Garfield – from Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties
Lyman however is making a comeback due to the strong Garfield-Hipster resurgance.
My kid is gonna be named Syrio Jaqen as soon as I can distract his mother and steal him from his high chair. You wouldn’t believe how closely mothers watch their kids when there’s a guy wearing only trenchcoat and a pair of Groucho glasses hanging around their house. Especially after introducing myself as Rumplestiltskin and telling her that the courts required me to let her know that I just moved in next door.
/Hmm, that was a really long setup for an obvious joke.
If people must do something ridiculous in a name, please just be reasonable and make it a middle name. This will help to carry on the age old tradition of people hiding their middle names.
My son, Omar, will never get the irony when he learns “The Farmer in the Dell” in grade school, but I hope his teacher explains it in full.
Only acceptable way you can ever name a kid Django is after Django Reinhardt, but naming kids after jazz musicians is also just awful. Theolonious sounds awesome in you head, but for kid? That kid has an uphill battle.
You could always go with Son House
But if your last name is House that would be really lazy.
If Game of Thrones is going to make medieval names in general popular again I eagerly await the first brave/stupid/actually a bit evil parent to call their kid Cnut.
(I always liked the name Django though, didn’t think of it at even that rare, I really hope it’s not ruined by Tarrantino fans.)
As long as something replaces this wave of Aiden, Jaden, Ryden, Kaden and other -dens , I’m good.
Crossing my fingers that no one ruins the name Cooper by the time I have a child.
A colleague has just bought an English Bulldog and called it Cooper.
BAZINGA!
Sorry.
I wanted to name my son in honor of Billy Ripken but, his mother wouldn’t let me name him “Fuck Face”
Prude.
I’m almost as proud of myself for getting this joke as I am of you for making it. Drunk on, my friend.
I had the scratched out version of the card!
Next years list will be topped by Shades O’Gray and Team Edward.
Parents are fucking crazy. Whatever happened to naming your children after monarchs? Great names like George, William, Victoria, Sweyn Forkbeard?
My parents often referred to me as William the Bastard so they got you covered.
Kinda weird since William isn’t my name, but hey, at least they paid attention to me.
Senna is actually a great name if you’re a F1 fan.
/not funny
There are going to be some pissed off guys with F1 loving parents in the future.
“No, it’s not a fucking girls name!”
They actually think Django will catch on? Because there was a wave of Marselluses, Jules and Vincents from 18 years ago?
Horrible names….all.
I dunno, I’m kinda partial to “Vincent.”
/kissass
Welp, looks like there is a lot more kids about to get bullied because of their shitty names. Way to go, parents!
For years I wanted to have a girl and name her Darcy after Pride and Prejudice, but this list makes me feel foolish for thinking of pop culture names.
That being said, I kind of like Caia and Arya
If you name your child after a Greyjoy, have the decency to name him Victarion.
Also, Patton Oswalt’s mom is curious how you obtained his baby picture.
So,what, no love for Sterling?
If I had a son, I’d name him Sterling Wilfred Heisenberg, though I’d just call him Flynn for short.
[heyguyswhatsatumblr.tumblr.com]
Jesus, Burnsy got strawman’d worse than a Republican in an Aaron Sorkin movie. I want to melvin all those people. Especially the person who busted out the dictionary to prove that Twilight is indeed literature.
I like how they get riled up about an article that’s meant to be humorous and sarcastic, arguing on either or not it has valid points or correct syntax, all the while having no consideration for their daughter, who’s just going to end up resent them for their quirkiness – just like in that awesome Patton Oswald bit – but I guess obviously they have to stick to their stupid decision.
Anyway thanks, I lost a precious amount of time (not really) reading that whole thing. I guess I will have my revenge when they befriend me.
What I gathered from that is we were seeing the parents of Scout, Holden, Gatsby and Aria (because Arya is a stupid way of spelling it apparently) attack sentence structure and grammar rather than the subject matter of the post.
“You made fun of me for giving my kid a ridiculous name. I’ll show you!”
I think most noteworthy from that, is holy shit that’s a lot of comments on a facebook post.
“That I’m a bad parent. Like it’s some sort of newsflash or something…”
So, you know you’re a bad parent? I guess that’s half the battle.
Maybe you have a good reason for it, but just at a glace the name Arya seems pretty stupid and short-sighted. Like that lady’s haircut /boosh
To be fair, it looks like the person who posted that status was taking it in good humor, and it was her friends who hopped onboard the “grammar lol and that’s why this article is awful” train. That one guy holding his baby in his profile picture, who posted like 20 comments all about one fucking sentence, should definitely be kicked in the nuts a few times.
I’m gonna start a new trend and name my sons after vaunted male porn stars. James Deen and Nacho Vidal sound pretty manly
No love for Evan Stone?
Nothing beats Mandingo
Lexington, eat your goddamn mashed potatoes!
Personally, I’m sick as hell of “Aiden” names…I know Braden’s, and Jaden’s, and Kaden’s, Hayden’s, and Aidan’s…
What happend to the good old days when parents named their kids Jesus?
I named my kid Frank and people said “That’s a weird name for a baby” because I guess he’ll be a baby for his whole life… shoulda named him Googoo I guess?
Zebulon. I think I remember playing that as a kid at the arcade. Or was that Zaxxon? Fuck.