Well, folks, we’ve never done this before, but I imagine that you, like me, are somewhat intrigued by the Juggalo phenomenon. Easy to ridicule yet strangely endearing, and all of it centered around a couple white guys who dress like clowns and rap about murder (but also togetherness). Here’s the thing: The Gathering of the Juggalos is fast approaching (Cave-in-Rock, Illinois; August 8th – 12th), and we’re looking for someone who’ll be our eyes and ears on the ground (for at least a couple days). 
Our question to you: Were you planning to attend, or had you always wanted to? Maybe you gave it a fleeting thought, and this is just the kick in the ass you need. Filmdrunk and the Frotcast crew are looking for a Filmdrunk Correspondent for the Gathering. We’d like someone with a decent video camera (and maybe even a friend to hold it for you). You be our eyes, and we’ll be your outlet. Then we can all share in Juggalicious Goodness. The goal is to get footage, interviews, Juggalo walking, and whatever else will give us a nice slice of life of what it’s like to experience this momentous event.
Are you interested? Send us a video (three minutes or less, plz) telling us:
- Why you want to go
- Why you’re the best person for the job
- What’s your favorite thing about Juggalos
Send it to frotcast@gmail.com (link to online video preferred). Deadline is July 27th. You have about one week. This could be really awesome. WOO WOOO.
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Jack!, just pick me up on the way.
No.
I have a magnet in my hand, and if God chooses to perform a miracle and get me there, I will cover it for you.
I didn’t type that last comment here.
I’m a sucker for any video where the text has sound effects.
Do you pay in dick jokes?
Whoever does this is a brave individual. It’s like exposing yourself to radiation, without the possibility that you’ll develop super powers.
Must…resist…must…
Why you want to go: Because my mom is fumigating the basement and I have nowhere to sleep that week..
Why you’re the best person for the job: I’ve got half a case of pork rinds (well it’s a full case now, but by the gathering, well ya know…), a zip gun, and a girlfriend named Azmodea.
What’s your favorite thing about the juggalos: We’re like if marines wore face paint.
Awww. Now I have to punish myself.
I refuse if only on the grounds that it’s in Illinois.
You mean, it puts the ill in Illinois, son!
Rural Illinois is legit scary. Stopping at a random gas station on the way home from Chicago, I walked into what turned out so be some sort of Confederacy museum. I thought it was funny as I engaged in commerce ironically, buying a trucker hat glorifying Stonewall Jackson. Then I saw the Nazi memorabilia…
How much of that did you buy?
Aw, dude! I was in a Subaru hatchback! Broke the rear axle filling that thing up…
…or, let’s just say I’ll never again want for swastika-embroidered oven mits.
Oh… so many… oven jokes…
Quite a ballsy move claiming Juggalos as the world’s cultural elite though. I wonder if there will be a tent where Juggalos are discussing fine literature.
Can we nominate? Because I nominate Morton Salt.
I say we send Patty, if only so she has to wear a tank top and learn to chew tobacco.
While I appreciate the nomination, I must ask:
Is this because you think I’d provide the best coverage, or because you hate me?
Morton: Coverage, of course (bros 4 lyfe!)
Homo: While sending Patty would be a great fish-out-of-water story, I’m against having her be drooled over by sweaty-toothed degenerates. We don’t need competition, y’all. She’s ours!
@Morton
Both. Duh.
I’d totally attend, if I didn’t have the fear of being raped.
I don’t have that fear anymore :-(
I DON’T THINK ANY JUGGALO’S WANT YOUR PEANUT BUTTER,HOLMES
You get to rape people there?
Everyone’s passed out or crying, so all Juggalo sexual activity is in a pretty gray area.
Is there any way we would be able to get C-Tates there? Because awesome.
If there was ever a perfect time and place to wear a GoPro for 5 straight days, this would be it.
Feel free to send the bill for the booster shots, penicillin, hand sanitizer, and bear mace you’ll need to survive the ordeal to frotcast@gmail.com.
I’m relatively sure that the Gathering this year will be 50% ironic bloggers and the event will be captured in its entirety on Instagram.
Thank this man for sparing you all my presence. I would feel dirty making an object of these subjects no matter how many zeds they tack onto wordz.
WOOP WOOP, CLOWN LUV HOMIES!
Isn’t this where Pit Bull is going?
Aw, man, now sending him to Alaska seems like the wrong choice. Missed opportunity!
I can’t explain how excited I was, if only for a second, when I thought the fella at the beginning was Michael Rapaport.
I have always wanted to do this. How great would it be if everyone is actually very accepting and the festival had a genuine communal feel? Free BBQ, Bonnaroo costs me nearly $300 and feels like a refugee camp with the heat and lack of water stations. Nostalgia galore Master P, DMX, Warren G, Raekwon, Rahzel, Project Pat, Scarface and The Pharcyde! Not to mention ONYX, Sticky Fingaz will be there. SLAM! Vader and Scott Steiner ha! This would be hilarious. There is genuine desperation involved with some of these acts. It borders the line of beautiful and sad so perfectly. I would love to ride the Scrambler with the Juggalo version of SGT. Slaughter while he calls me a bitch and shows me the true meaning of the gathering. I may have to do this Mothafacko!
Can’t tell if trolling or…actually inducing nostalgia? You should work in public relations.
Sitting through the submissions will be the best punishment for those who came up with this idea.
I would only go to the Gathering of the Juggalos if I were allowed to rape and pillage and throw my feces about like a half-mad baboon.
What’s that you say? Is that right? Well then, it looks like I will be attending this year.
R.I.P. Ass Dan
R.I.P. DJ Supersoak
I am now anxiously awaiting the poorly-spelled Juggalo rant about the sanctity of their mouth-breather rape-fest that will inevitably appear in a future Comments of the Week.
well, at least they had the sensitivity to distinguish “midgets” from “oddities”
Am I wrong for wanting to do unspeakable things to Sugar Slam that are probably just an average Tuesday for her? It kinda feels wrong. Yeah, I’m gonna go with it’s wrong. I’ll be in the shower in the fetal position if you need me.
Yeah, something tells me she just showed up with all that dirt on her face and lucked into the fact that the shoot was post-apocalypse-themed.
But no, she’d be totally cute if I wasn’t 100% sure she’d had juggalo wang inside of her.
So…not a lot of black rappers in the “dirty” south?
What’s the over/under on The Millionaires getting a shit-shower during their set?
I’m sorry but all the free ice cold Faygo in the world couldn’t get me to support something that Jamie Kennedy is going to be a part of, my ninjas.
I live close enough that it wouldn’t be overly difficult to get there, and I am self hating enough that I would be willing to do it (I also have some idiotic treatise on how Juggalos are the most logical and purest form conclusion of “punk” as we know it somewhere rattling around my wormy brain cave). I do not, however, own a video camera. triple axle frowny face.
Ok, I finally watched the entire video. I’m going, because I’ve always wanted to wrestle Scott Steiner.
I’ve always wanted to pop Scott Steiner with a pin.
Tickets anyone?
[www.ebay.com]