HALP ME, BALLA. LLAMA WANT MAKE SAX TO OUR VAMPAHR BEBBE. HALP YOUR HOSE BEND HIDE BEBBE RENEEEZZZEEEEMEEEEE.
At long last, Summit Entertainment (via EntertainmentWeekly) has released our first glimpse at the telepathic vampire former fetus from The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn Part 2. Mackenzie Foy plays Renesmee, the hybrid fetus whose amniotic shake brings all the wolves to the yard. As for the Cullens’ “look,” I believe that’s called “edgy Mormon.” Meanwhile, “Renesmee” sounds like someone from Oklahoma wanted to start a lingerie company and tried to give it a French-sounding name.
In the previous film, Renesmee was conceived on Edward and Bella’s honeymoon and born shortly after. Since she’s a hybrid, she grew at a rapid rate. She also developed cognitive abilities beyond her human peers. And did we forget to mention that she’s been imprinted on by Jacob Black?
If vampires are immortal and never age, wouldn’t a baby that’s half vampire age at half the rate of a normal human, not twice? “Excuse me, Mrs. Cullen? Your 25-year-old daughter just crapped on our lawn again.” “I’m so sorry about that. She’s a very powerful vampire.”
In many ways, Renesmee’s birth is considered a miracle. But not everyone is happy about it. Because of her half-breed status, she’s also seen as a serious threat. Is she really that dangerous, or is everyone overreacting? [Blastr]
SHE’S THE VAMPIRE OBAMA! QUIT RAISIN’ GAS PRICES, HALF BREED!
Anyway, I hope there’s a scene on Renesmee’s birthday, where Bella starts getting all misty and nostalgic. “Oh, Renesmee. You were such a gift from God. I’ll never forget the day your sparkling white father f*cked you into my womb on our honeymoon, before he smashed the bed and destroyed the whole room in an abstinence-induced feat of strength. And then, when you broke my spine and clawed your way out of my uterus and had a fling with that werewolf boy? I just knew you were something special.”
How many cats out there do you think are named Renesmee? A lot, I bet.
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![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/Dane-Dehaahn-Amazing-Spider-man-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/02/iron_man_three_ver4_xlg1-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/02/Emma-Watson1-150x150.jpg)
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Lotta fuckin’ forehead in that pic.
That’s at least a sixhead
I demand a photoshop of both those dudes foreheads on top of each other.
Another question of Twilight logic: when a half-human, half-vampire girl starts menstruating, do you give her a maxi pad, or a straw?
I haven’t watched a Twilight movie since the first one, but you can just tell by looking at that picture that Bella’s gone through a lot of character development. Leather jacket and spandex? Bad ass.
And now instead of staring at the ground, biting her lip, she’s holding her head high and biting her lip.
sounds like someone from Oklahoma wanted to start a lingerie company and tried to give it a French-sounding name.
Even if someone tried, the locals would just start calling it “Freedom Underwear”.
It’s the old tale of Captain Save Em fighting another Captain Save Em over some chick in which Captain Save Em #1 wins so Captain Save Em #2 tries to sleep with Lil’ Save Em. Classic
So she’s sort of like a crappy half-vampire Alia Atreides? Awesome.
The shit must flow.
Rarely do I actually laugh out loud when reading but you got me with that cat line at the end. I love the Twilight write-ups. Always a hilarious perspective.
R. Kelly has imprinted on his fair share of young girls back in his day
Half-breed? WTF? Her parents both look pretty white to me.
Is Pattinson a Jew, or something?
Now I get it. Vampire is a metaphor for feeding on the blood of Christian babies.
Oh, you Mormons. Always with the backhanded compliments.
I think the correct term is Mongrel.
u gotta love pattinsons “just take the fuckin picture”face…he looks like he hates it more than anyone else
K-Stew…the cold-hearted, emotionless mother that only robots will love.
OMG David!
I dont know much of the story but you say the Llama wants to sex with the child… then this pic is way creepier: [fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net]
Holy shit. Someone call Chris Hansen.
Hey Kristen Stewart sucks at a whole lot of things but I have to say she’s pretty talented at wearing those pants.
Am I the only one who can’t begin to understand how Renesmee is actually pronounced?
I had this problem with that Hermione bitch.
YOU SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH
HERMIONE IS A SAINT
“Since she’s a hybrid, she grew at a rapid rate.”
Does this mean Obama’s only 12?
and a half!
K-Stew’s still got that “who farted” – sorry, “hugh farted*” look on her face, but the little kid’s like “Look where I’m standing, bitch I know it was you.”
*Thanks for the joke Vince!
So great you called the Renesmee cats
*bites lip*; *presents self to alpaca/werewolf*; *sparkles*; *looks despondent and cold*; *mounted by broody llama*; *gives birth to vampire/human/alpaca hybrid* *turns 12*
There is a lot of powerful acting going on in that photo.
“And did we forget to mention that she’s been imprinted on by Jacob Black?”
Actually I think you forgot to mention what the fuck that’s supposed to mean. Oh, it means he’s in love with her even though she’s a little kid? That’s…fun. *backs slowly out of room*
Some of your comments are funny , some are harsh, but there are a couple that cross the line into straight-up Nazi, card-carrying Klan wannabeism. (you know who u r) Do you know how prejudiced you sound or do you not care?