Undoubtedly laughing at God.
Happy Madison’s latest “comedy” That’s My Boy hits theaters on Friday, and for once I’m going to be first in line to see it, as opposed to waiting until late November to suck it up and watch Adam Sandler’s annual work for my Worst Films feature. Why the change of heart? I’ve realized that by waiting so long to see films like Grown Ups, Jack and Jill, and Bucky Larson, I’m removing an essential element from the actual process of both reviewing and criticizing – the audience.
I’m going to see That’s My Boy on Friday, and then I’ll review it and tell everyone what kind of people paid $12 (aside from me and my irony) to actually laugh at the story of Sandler as the estranged father of Andy Samberg, as he shows up before his son's wedding to make amends and borrow money. Who knows? Maybe I’m actually the problem and my hatred of films that also star Vanilla-f*cking-Ice is unfair. So we’ll see how that goes.
In the meantime, some new clips of That’s My Boy surfaced at HitFix, presumably so the bottom rung can hee and haw at them and ignore that this film won’t be reviewed by any critics before its release. That is, unless you count the film’s recent commercial in which Twitter quotes are used. Check out the clips (NSFW language) after the jump, if you’re brave.
(Apologies for the commercials on each video, especially if you get the icangotocollege.com rap video. Further proof that college is a meaningless Ponzi scheme.)
The classic character shtick for Sandler in this film is that he’s a hometown hero because he had sex with the teacher everyone had a crush on when he was a kid. So despite a horrendous accent – he went with over-the-top Boston stereotype here – and terrible hair, we must believe that women throw themselves at Donny because he’s the vile, crude bad boy.
Confession: I chuckled at "I'm gonna put a dent in that", but that's what Sandler does. He makes us let our guards down.
Donny’s teacher crush is played by Susan Sarandon’s daughter, Eva Amurri, which is hilarious – I suppose – because Sarandon plays the teacher in the film's present. Gee, Susan Sarandon as a high school teacher who goes to prison for seducing and sleeping with one of her students? That’s so incredibly original. I can’t believe that nobody ever thought of that before. Especially not 30 Rock. Nope, nobody has ever done that SAME EXACT PLOT before.
Before these clips and trailers were available, people wondered how Sandler could play Samberg’s dad. I’ll give them some credit – the teacher/student affair is a valid, timely plot point, because for some reason female teachers love banging their students these days. In That’s My Boy, Donny plays the dad who never grew up, which in turn caused Todd to grow up too fast. The plot gives birth to some incredibly lazy jokes.
Donny never grew up because he was a god after high school. So he continues to party and hang out at strip clubs, and cliché cliché cliché. This means that Todd must have a crazy bachelor party on the eve of his wedding, because only Donny can show him and a crew of absurd characters the proper time. I can only pray that someone projectile vomits on someone else.
What kind of dad was Donny? The kind that got his son a full back tattoo of the New Kids on the Block when he was in third grade. The payoff of this “Hey, what’s something that people make fun of about the 80s?” joke is that as Todd grew, so did the tattoo, so all of the heads look funny.
Int. – Happy Madison Offices
Sandler and his writing team are gathered around a table.
Adam Sandler
Come on, you guys. This is taking too long. We’ve got our funny voice. We’ve got our ridiculous plot. We’ve got Leighton Meester, so we can ruin her career. Now all we need is a throwback joke about something that people used to think was cool but then became really obnoxious.
Peter Dante
Time to make the donuts?
Nick Swardson
Where’s the beef?
Rob Schneider
Makin’ copies!
Adam Sandler
Nah, those are great, you guys, but I want something that’s already been mocked by the Wayans brothers, Seltzer and Friedberg, and Family Guy.
Allen Covert
WASSSSUPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!
Adam Sandler
OH MY GOD, THAT’S F*CKING GOLD!
Terrible dad returns to teach his kid how to ride a bike. I feel like I've seen that joke before. Bike hits parked car at medium speed but rider ridiculously flips over the car. I've definitely seen that joke before.
I don’t know what the point of this clip was, so I’d like to remind everyone that Leighton Meester received rave reviews for her performance in Country Strong just two years ago. And I’d bet $100 that the first thing Sandler said to her when she arrived on set was, “MEESTER! MEESTER!” So she has that going for her.
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Who’s a pretty pony? You’re a pretty pony.
Yeah, the commercial that runs before every clip is funnier than anything in the movie.
At first I thought the girl having sex in the dark was saying “Yes, faster” but now I’m convinced she’s saying “Yes, Master.”
Yesh.
From the trailer and these clips, I’m pretty sure I can sum up the plot of this movie. Todd will initially hate Donny, but Todd’s fiance/mother will convince him to spend some time with his estranged father. Donny will eventually get through to Todd, in the process making Todd act so childish that Todd’s fiance will no longer want to marry him. This will force Donny to “grow up” for the first time in his life and save his son’s wedding, all with an obnoxious boston accent, because God knows that’s what the audience wants.
So essentially, it’s going to be a shittier version of “I love you, man”.
It pains me so much that Rex Ryan agreed to go anywhere near this.
Rex Ryan goes anywhere there is a food service table.
He’d even go to a NAMBLA meeting if there was a nice deli spread….and also because he’s probably a child molester.
I would love to see some more of what goes on in:
Int. – Happy Madison Offices
I’m pretty sure you could make supercuts of all the jokes in a Sandler movie without including any clips from any Adam Sandler movie.
Vince (should have Danger make) a supercut of all the jokes in this movie using clips from other Happy Madison flicks. Betcha it would work.
In fact…isn’t there an elite band of tiny Puerto Rican gossip gleaners with the skillz to infiltrate the Happy Madison Offices and bring us some Hott Goss?! Or at least some passable photoshops?
“It tastes like fuckin dick infused with balls.” /CUE LMFAO/
Might as well just have a sign pointing to this trailer saying “LOOK AT HOW FAHKIN EDGY THIS MOVIE IS.”
the way sandburg looks in the headline picture sums up how i feel about all happy madison movies…
that said, billy madison is my favorite comedy. how i wish he could bring the funny again…
Hey Samberg, don’t quit your day… uh, keep Lorn Michaels on speed dial, I mean.
Hey hey, Samburg rules. He’s been the funniest person on SNL for every season he’s been on.
Yeah, and now he’s gone to do Sandler flicks. If there’s a way to downgrade from being underused on SNL, doing Sandler flicks would be it.
Burnsy, for the love of all that is sweet and big titted in the world, do not pay to see this movie! Buy a ticket to the f’ing Dictator and sneak in to see this alone after (kind of like back in your Titanic days, go ahead, admit it) if you have to, but do not, under any cirum- (Ha! you thought I was going to say cision didn’t you, you sick twisted bastard) stances pay to see this. If you contribute even one ticket sales towards more of this kind of poop being made, so help me Sweet Baby Jeebers, I’m going to track you down and…um…tickle fight you? I don’t know, but it will be vicious.
The last few years, whenever Sandler releases a new movie, I can’t help but wonder if Judd Apatow Bowfingered him to make Funny People.
The Join Me ad when he says “Fuck you, fuck you guys,” is funnier than anything in this movie.
I will probably eventually see this even though it looks dumb….Just Go With It was fine $1-at-Redbox-Drunken-Saturday-Night-fare….Jack and Jill sucked donkey dick but who didn’t expect that?….This one looks at least as good as Just Go With It (which I admit isn’t saying much).
A word of warning though….seeing a comedian die on stage rarely happens because groups of people who want to find something funny will. We went and saw The Change Up at a packed theater and found ourselves laughing at some really stupid shit just because everyone in the theater was.
Parker Posey fans!!! Check out her new movie “The Love Guide” coming out June 19th!! [www.youtube.com]
What about people who are generally indifferent to her, but if they were forced to have an opinion would say they find her mildly annoying?
Do you have any movies for people like that?
I worked at a movie theater for Jack & Jill, and this is all you should need to hear about the Happy Madison audience:
5 minutes of Adam Sandler as Jack reacting to how bad the dump Adam Sandler as Jill took: uproarious, screaming laughter.
Subtle reference to Don Quixote (in the last 15 minutes or so, as if there was any hope left by then): Total fucking silence.
Shit fuck! Anytime I see someone flip over a car I laugh uncontrollably, probably a result of watching my corgy get ran over when I was 5.
I’ll go see this, but only because I work at a movie theatre and I get to see it for free, thus not contributing anything in the way of ticket sales. I have in the past talked people out of seeing other Sandler abortions, so it makes me feel good about myself :)
*fart joke*
*In movie trailer announcer’s voice* : “This summer, to catch a criminally overpaid comedic actor who is a shade of his former self, Andy Samberg must become… a criminally overpaid comedic actor who is a shade of his former self!”
Or “… A RAPIST!”