Isaac Newton formulates theory of gravity whilst pondering a falling apple, sluts, parkour, and truckasaurus.

Following in the rich, public-domain property footsteps of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, Sherlock Holmes: Face-punching explosion dodger; Edgar Allen Poe: homicide detective, Oliver Twist: Parkour Master, Wyatt Earp & Doc Holliday: Shaman Hunters, Peter Pan: Pedophile Hunter, Zorro: Post-Apocalyptic Future Vigilante, Gladiator: Dracula Detective, and Tom Sawyer & Huck Finn: Slut Rodeo (EDITOR’S NOTE: I’M NOT MAKING THOSE UP), the director of The Fast and the Furious now has plans to turn Sir Isaac Newton, the father of physics, into some kind of action-movie hero. There are also plans for a comic book graphic novel. You know, for the kids.

Director Rob Cohen has partnered with producer Gene Kirkwood, who executive produced Rocky back in 1976, to develop a franchise based on Newton, the historical figure that is known for his work in the fields of physics and mathematics.

That’s right, Isaac Newton. He was a legit dude. Working title: “Isaac Newton: Pussy Slayer.”

Cohen will write a script, which will focus on Newton as the chief detective and head of the British Mint. He also will oversee the design of a graphic novel based on the script.

“I’ve wanted to work with Gene since we first met when I was at Motown in 1975,” said Cohen. “He was Interested in Billy Dee Williams to play Apollo Creed in Rocky. That didn’t work out, but I never forgot his intense belief in an unknown actor and his brilliant script. He had and still has vision.”
Said Kirkwood: “We see this as a real opportunity to redefine the concept from day one, using multiple channels and outlets to more creatively develop and extend the characters and storyline while generating huge excitement in advance of the theatrical release.” [THR]

Ooh, look out, everyone, Professor Science Major over here is getting multi-syllabic on us. Please, tell us more about your multi-tiered, disruptive mass-market lead generation platform for this film about a mathematician who solves crime and saves the rec center by bopping people with his pimp cane.

I will see this on only one condition: at some point, Isaac Newton must cross his hands over his crotch, telling the villain to suck it while yelling “HOW YOU LIKE THEM APPLES, BEEEYOTCH!”