[via BoingBoing]
I know I’ve already run my fair share of “BEST HEADLINE EVER” stories, but this legitimately gave me an uncontrollable, 30 to 60-second fit of laughter. I still haven’t showed it to Frotcast Brendan, I worry that it might actually kill him. I’d been saving this up for a Friday Free For All post, and there are some conflicting reports on whether the story is actually true, but regardless, that headline. Magnifique. If the zookeeper had just been licking a monkey’s anus, that would’ve been one thing. But the idea that he was licking it “for over an hour” is really what puts it over the top for me. The visual of a kindly old Chinese man carefully, lovingly licking a monkey anus for the entirety of a Game of Thrones episode… It’s perfect.
Meanwhile, the source article includes a picture of the zookeeper:
Ooh, nice camouflage. That monkey is probably confused as to how a floating head could be tonguing his peanut-hole like that. “Gaaah, don’t question it… feels good, man.”
By the way, Mr. Zookeeper guy, there are easier ways of getting peanuts, trust me. Just ask the elephant.
Anyway, I think it’s clear what needs to happen now. Parry Gripp needs to write a song about this.
Babay monkay… babay monkay… peanut in his ass, baby monkey.
The world has gone insane.
And something in your butt ain’t right.
He’s got to keep on lickin on…
Just lick on that butt, make him poop toniiiiiiiight….
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More like Bi-Curious George, amirite?
Damn, I usually pay fifty bucks for that kind of service, who knew I could just get it for peanuts at the zoo?
So I guess Zhang Bangsheng is the answer to Fezzik’s question.
Pacific Rim Nutjob
The worst part? The other zookeepers played “Shock the Monkey” on repeat over the PA system for the whole hour.
I know it’s probably always best to doubt what you read online, but this seems like it’s circling the rim of plausibility.
Brass Monkey Trombone
That’s a felching dress you’re wearing, Mrs. Monkey.
Sad that Mr. Monkey is more interested in The Beaver.
Taking the brown line to work was never so literal.
I’m just sayin’, maybe letting an old Chinese man smoke your butt isn’t the *worst* potential therapy for those painful anal fissures. Additionally, he laughs with satisfaction after the deed is done. The man really cares.
Still, another thing to add to my list of things I’d rather do than watch Twilight.
Happy Endings sure have changed from when I was a lad.
I’m not a doctor, but your tongue? Really? Just wet a washcloth or something.
Sure, you could just use a washcloth. While you’re cutting corners dealing with an animal’s life, why don’t you just go ahead and strangle the little guy to death with your bare hands?
So does anyone else look at that picture and just *know* that the monkey is totally into it? Is it just me or is he, like, just grinding like hell back into that shit?
f*ck that’s hot…
That’s the best way to bust a nut.
He’d be a hit in Vegas.
“Ladies and gentlemen, for my next trick, I’m going to to make this peanut disappear and then magically reappear…unscathed.”
*Begins licking a monkey’s a**hole.*
“I know for a fact that licking a monkee’s anus for hours will not save his life” -Peter Tork
For its next trick the Francois Leaf Monkey will swallow a Timex. “Takes a licking and keeps on ticking” just got taken to the next level!
Last time I asked for a “Bangsheng” that’s not what I got at all. In fact, I’m still having trouble sitting down.
This was on Colbert.
And of course the best thing to do after seeing him laugh, would be to throw the monkey another peanut….
In Chinese, the same character means “Chaos,” “Opportunity,” and “Lick a Monkey’s Anus for Over an Hour.”
Dude said he cleaned it first with warm water but he really used Calgon.
Ancient Chinese secret, eh?
That must be the new ” Hind Lick Maneuver” everyone has been chatting about. Hope you kept the peanut as a souvenir … first peanut from the monkeys butt. Well done on saving a life.
Before you label this guy a hero you have to remember that this is China and the zookeeper probably had a big bowl of monkey anuses for breakfast that day.
Bangsheng’s praying the monkey gets kidney stones next so he can suck its dick for hours
Haha suck it China. The Zookeeper I saw licking monkey anus lasted 102 minutes in the theater!
This monkey’s gone to heaven.
We all laugh now. That peanut might have tasted great after going through that monkey kinda like that Kopi Luwak coffee. Move over, Cooked Japanese Penis. We have a new delicacy.
The zookeeper clearly has a fondness for cheeky little monkeys.
Sort of a variation on the old joke:
[www.ebaumsworld.com]
When I was a kid I thought butts were poisonous (as in, if you were to lick one on the hole, you would get sick and die). You can imagine my shock the first time I saw internet porn. I thought I was watching a snuff film. Turned out to be more sniff than snuff, but still, I was flabbergasted. And to think, a monkey’s butt. Seems like this zookeeper should at least get AIDS, if nothing else.