When I first heard the title “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter,” I was vaguely interested. I know it’s not the first genre mash-up in the world, but I thought it was so silly that it could be, might be, just maybe, …fun. Then I saw the first trailer and I was… utterly baffled. A movie called “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” that doesn’t appear to be even a hair tongue-in-cheek? Whaaa? Why?
Well, if you’re anything like me and you were put off by the earnestness with which the film seems to be treating the premise, do NOT watch this new “music trailer” from Linkin Park. If, however, you always wanted to hear a heartfelt gnü-metal ballad about regret that the singer croons with his eyes closed while wearing fingerless poet gloves, set to footage of historical figures pledging love and battling vampires, THEN BOY HAVE I GOT THE VIDEO FOR YOU! That’s right, it’s Abraham Linkin Park: Vampire Singer, and it’s ONE HUNDRED PERCENT DEADLY SERIOUS. …Is this real life?
I know I may have my own issues with overly-earnest genre movies and closed-eye crooning, but MY GOD. I watched approximately 35 seconds of that before I started squirming and itching like a crackhead and had to shut it off. I even made this wreath of garlic to wear around my neck just in case the crushing lack of self-awareness is contagious. Hopefully it works, but if I start trying to draw life lessons from Nickelback lyrics for my next Christian youth group meeting, just drive a stake into my heart.
Make sure you can see his tribal tat in the open casket, bro, he would’ve wanted it that way.
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What do you mean make sure you can see his tribal tat IN the casket? You didn’t have it airbrushed ON the casket?!!! I guess we know who A-BRO’s true friends are.
Seriously though, no A-BRO-HAM jokes?
Paul Bunyan is still royally slutted that he was overlooked as the axe wielding vampire hunter. His mom told me he’s spitting chips!
I can’t wait to hear Danger Mouse’s mash-up of this with Jay-Z’s “Dead Presidents”
Ol’ Honest Abe is rocking a sweet chain wallet I notice.
Maybe it’s like how vampires can’t see their reflections. Maybe being involved in this project makes you lose your self awareness.
Linkin Park’s biggest Korean fan is named Link-un Park
He’s been following their career since before they fired their ex-lead guitarist Qitar Seoul-Oh
Where’s the dubstep?!
They’re saving that for George WUBWUBWUB-Washington: Werewolf Slayer.
Next tie-in: Axe body spray.
Two things that always go down smooth…Abraham Lincoln killing vampires…and whiny rock music with a DJ.
I can’t wait to hear Papa Roach’s score for “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.”
I can’t wait for the next video, “All the Small Fangs” by Blink 1862.
Screw Lincoln…I want to see them fictionalize a story about William Howard Taft. Have him floating around like Baron Harkonnen.
F*ck it, let’s burn this mother down. I’m adapting that “George Washington drives a Dodge Challenger” commercial into a screenplay.
Martha has infiltrated the seedy underground colonial prostitution scene, and is distracting the leader of the Hessien forces with a sexy pole dance (the pole is wooden, ’cause it’s like pre-historic times). Meanwhile, George kicks tires and lights fires, rocket-jumping the Delaware River in his Dodge Challenger, flanked by his army of French parkour-soldiers.
…and *that* mf’er will have some bloody Dubstep.
Ummmmm….when does the Funny or Die logo come up in this video? I didn’t see it, not because I wasn’t looking for it, I guess I’m just not good at those subderminal message things
FIST muhfukkah!!!
Ahbroham Linked-in
Fuckin Swi…
Dammit. That reply was supposed to go here.
UPROOOOXXXXXXX!!!!!
Gnu-metal is just as bad as Emu-rock.
GNU-METAL is not unique music, even tools are laughing
You go watch a gnu on slap bass and come back and tell me it’s not unique. He may be a wigger and suck, but he’s definitely unique, bro.
Unix jokes just don’t get the yuks they used to ;)
Neither do wildebeest jokes.
OOH WAH-AH AH-AAaare you fucking kidding me?
Made it as far as “You hid your skeletons”
When does Kurt Russel jump into the picture with the empty TEC-9 in one hand and Gerber TAC knife in the other? Did I miss it?
Gnu-metal is my second-favourite music genre. Gnat-metal wins the top spot by a hair.
Also…I really, really want to believe Linkin Park just isn’t aware that they’re part of the joke.
A: Because that would mean it’s a joke.
B: Because that would mean Linkin Park is the butt of a joke other than that of their very existence.
JohnWilkes Booth was FRAMED!!!!
CRAWLING IN MY BEARD THESE SLAVES THEY BE FREEEEE
LOLOL
What is the significance of the ax to Abe Lincoln? Was that the only form of weapon in the early to mid 1800′s? Is an ax even a good thing to have as a weapon? Is it wise to needlessly spin the fucking ax around your head? Is there a reason the ax turns into a gun-ax hybrid? Does anyone even listen to Linkin Park anymore? Does Mary Todd show bush in the movie? So many unanswered questions in this “music video”/”trailer”/”Kevorkian style death machine”.
Gotta say, when this trailer played before Prometheus, the nerds were not impressed.
they liked Neighborhood Watch, tho