Songs from the Rock of Ages soundtrack have appeared online, giving us our first full-length listen to the fever dream that is Tom Cruise singing “Paradise City” and “Pour Some Sugar on Me,” as well as Catherine Zeta-Jones and Russell Brand’s “We Built this City/We’re Not Gonna Take It” duet. If you can make it five seconds into that ill-begotten medley without laughing, you’re a stronger man than I — or you’re Paul Kantner and you just made a lot of money. Other highlights include a string-laden version of “Don’t Stop Believin’” and Cruise’s falsetto “the bitch is hungry” moan in “Rock You Like a Hurricane.” And yet, still no W.A.S.P.
What do you think, David Lee Roth?
Thought so.
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Can’t wait to head down to the movie theater to watch Tom Cruise sing karaoke! I’m gonna buy three tickets just so they can have more of my money.
TAKE ME DOWN TO PARADISE CITY
… As long as there aren’t any gays there.
Don’t Stop Believin (That there’s not a Gay in here)
That made me so uncomfortable and anxious. I have to believe they used some shirtless cub scouts in this production. It just feels so wrong.
Tom Cruise didn’t rehearse these songs just in case Brett Ratner was right
I feel the same way about Tom Cruise as I did about this music in the first place.
So confus.
This music is a lot like Tom Cruise. It seemed better twenty-five years ago.
Cruise vetoed singing “Fade to Black” because he was afraid he’d look like a flamer.
As a singer in a classic rock cover band, this makes me want to hang myself with my own vocal cords.
Paradise City was so bad that even current Axl Rose can sing it better
“take me down to the paradise city where the fags ain’t here and the queers gets beaten”
So they just made a Glee movie with a very heterosexual (don’t you forget!) looking Tom Cruise?
I’m getting the idea that this site sucks cuz it attracts all the above douchebags shitting all over Tom.
You’re a great American for your devotion to Grand Gay Thetan.
VLORP VLOP DICKLY VLOP
FIRST NAME BASIS OVER HERE
Also, douchebags shitting all over Tom is how he gets the thetans out…
It’s easy to shit on someone who is shorter than my asshole.
“Let’s All Listen to Tom ‘Rock of Ages’ Cruise Sing Bon Jovi and Journey”
That headline alone sounds gayer than John Waters and Adam Lambert doing ass to mouth on top of a parade float in the shape of Rupaul’s fist.
Yo, Tom! I’m still waiting for that dick pic. In the meantime…
Check out the hit new Web Series “Handsome Police” on [blip.tv]