I have a great affinity for world records, as I often detail at With Leather, and one day I even hope to set my own mark by listening to Nelson’s “Love and Affection” for 96 hours straight. However, as much as I appreciate the fine work that the people at Guinness do, I’m not quite sure how to react to this news:

Warner Bros. has plans to adapt The Guinness Book of World Records into a feature film, Deadline reports. “The Office” writer Danny Chun has been brought aboard to turn the non-fiction book into an adventure narrative. (Via Coming Soon)

Do I start with “How?” or “Why?” Either way, this thing has Brendan Fraser written all over it.

I’m not too familiar with Danny Chun’s work because I stopped watching The Office a long, long time ago – *flips scarf* – but if I might, I’d like to offer him this plot idea…

Brendan Fraser plays Carl Hurpydurp, a down-on-his-luck single dad who is about to lose his cotton candy business, and his son – played by Danny DeVito – is suffering from a rare disease that slowly turns him into a poodle. Carl can’t afford health insurance and his Kickstarter campaign actually puts him more in debt, so he decides to break a world record to earn fame and the million dollars he needs to save his son. But what record can he break quickly and with the greatest ease? With the help of Susanne Eman, the world’s fattest woman, and his best friend Punchy – played by Chris Brown – Carl travels the world seeking advice from a variety of world record holders, including the woman with the world’s largest natural breasts, a bunch of Mexican zombies, and a few hundred Australian chicks in bikinis. I call it Fart Noise: The Movie.