For all the criticism that it has received, The Expendables was at the very least its own movie. But now MGM and Tom Cruise are going to borrow Sylvester Stallone’s already-borrowed formula of cramming the biggest action stars in the world into one mega-testosterone-explosion and dilute it with the current fad of remaking every good film of the last 50 years.
Up next for MGM and Cruise – The Magnificent Seven. The 1960 Western was the original Expendables, as it starred Steve McQueen, Yul Brynner, James Coburn, Charles Bronson, Eli Wallach, Robert Vaughn… damn, I’m getting musky and grizzled just thinking about it. And I’m sure that Cruise is going to put together the manliest macho group of men’s men that he can muster, because it would finally crush those rumorsssssss about him for good.
Since being resurrected from the purgatory of bankruptcy, studio MGM has been on a remaking tear, announcing updates and reboots of library titles “Carrie,” “RoboCop,” “War Games,” “Death Wish,” “Valley Girl,” “Poltergeist,” and “Red Dawn.” Remaking a beloved classic like “The Magnificent Seven” is thus not so much of a surprise, even if it is a daunting task considering the esteem with which people hold the original. Having a major movie star like Cruise aboard should, of course, allay most fears. (Via MSN)
Hold on – Valley Girl? Who the hell has been sitting around, pining for the re-telling of the 29-year old story of two California stereotypes falling in love? Well, other than Nic Cage. If we’re just going to remake every movie that someone in a conference room suddenly remembers, would it be too much to ask for a remake of Just One of the Guys starring Vanessa Hudgens? I don’t ask for much.
At the very least, I just hope Cruise’s new Magnificent Seven features my favorite GIF come to life…
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The Magnificent Seven, starring Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Kevin Spacey, Richard Gere, Hayden Christiansen, Zac Efron and Nathan Lane.
They can call it The Fabulous Seven.
Special appearance by Lemmiwinks the Gerbil. (He’s credited as “Assistant to Mr. Gere.”
Fagnificent Seven?
Magnificent Semen?
Damn it, you beat me to the joke.
Aaaand the original Magnificent Seven was just a rip off of Seven Samurai. But since Tom Cruise was the Last Samurai … I think this is all going full circle somehow.
+1 Kurosawa just rolled over in his grave.
Kurosawa was a hack. But all trolling aside, everyone knows the backstory and it makes no difference.
You must not speak hollywood.
There are no ripoffs, only homages. Its legitimate because its a French word.
WOW! Where has that gif been all of my internet life!
I’m not so much interested in a feature-length remake of Just One Of The Guys starring Vanessa Hudgens as I am in remake of the “rips off her shirt to show her tits” scene from Just One Of The Guys starring Vanessa Hudgens
But there’s so much more potential! If they play their cards right they can have her make out with a few girls too. Think big!
To a kid that grew up without premium channels the Encore channel was like an Underground Railroad of smuggled nudity and it played Just One Of The Guys constantly
I’m guessing the nerdy friend will be a fan of Lil’ Wayne instead of James Brown..you know, to keep up with the times.
Let’s see… Cruise, Travolta, Jenna Elfman, Danny Masterson, Kirstie Alley, Will Smiff, and Jayden Smiff are.. Xenu 7!
Come to think of it, if there was ever to be a catastrophic cast-eliminating accident on the set of a movie, you want it to be on the one I just made up.
Do they make high chairs for saddles?
Gay cowboys needs moar Heath Ledger :0(
Tom Cruise is going to have a hard time looking intimidating riding a pony with a braided tail
Just give him an eye-patch. That always works.
This could be great if they keep the original score, actors, director, locations and, er, do nothing at all and just re-release the original as is. Hold that. Kill at least one of the damn weiner kids that get Charles Bronson killed. I’d willingly watch a remake starring Tom Cruise in blackface and affecting an Oirish accent if they killed off at least one of those brats.
Co-signed. I’ll sit through another Tropic Thunder-esque dance routine if they promise to kill them all.
Another difference between Magnificent Seven and Expendables worth noting might be that the stars of the former were still relevant.
And yes, it was a remake of sorts of Kurosawa, but it still managed to be a great, fairly original movie in its own right.
“I’m going to do a remake of the bible.”
-Joseph Smith
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I didn’t think it was possible to have any less respect for Tom Cruise. Clearly there are new depths as yet not reached.
I can only hope for a fiery plane crash in Cruise’s future. Hopefully before this goes before the cameras.
I had that Magnificent Seven poster on my bedroom wall growing up. Seriously, fuck this guy in his lizard-hole.