Someone sent this picture of DirecTV’s parental guide description for Fast Five to Danger Guerrero the other day, and I thought it deserved a post. This whole thing is a PSA that demands to be made! I still remember a “very special” disclaimer at the end of a Power Rangers episode, where a character (I think it was the Blue Ranger) carefully explained that, while the Power Rangers may go around using kung fu on monsters, that DOESN’T mean you should just go running around school kicking people for no reason, like I got suspended for around that time.
I’d LOVE to see the Rock or Vin Diesel breaking the fourth wall in a Fast Five-related More-You-Know spot. “You may watch my movies and think street racing is all fast cars and hot babes, but the truth is, street racing is dangerous! We perform these stunts using professional stuntmen on a closed course. In fact, I’m five foot six and super gay!”
What I want to know is why the parental guide says nothing about there being a character named “Han Seoul-Oh.” WHY AM I THE ONLY PERSON WHO WILL SPEAK OUT ABOUT THIS???
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![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/05/Vin-Diesel-Fast-Fivekiss-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/04/fast_and_furious_Han-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/04/Fast-Five-writer2-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/03/your_highness_ver5-150x150.jpg)
Ridiculousness aside, did they really misspell “trail”?
I think it’s just a blurry i.
Ah. Fuck it, then. I can still hold them accountable for the awkwardness of “they don’t act responsibly” rather than “they act irresponsibly.”
Gotta use that degree somehow.
“Many minor characters are killed”? Well shit, how bout a spoiler alert Parental Guide people!
Besides, it’s not a real death if it’s inside a car with an inexplicably dark windshield. Then it’s just a badass explosion.
How do they not mention the near-fatal levels of bromance?
I love occasionally catching the final chase scene on HBO. “Hey, look. It’s the part where the good guys murder dozens of bystanders with a bank vault.”
do they mention how sweaty the dudes are?
My girlfriend and I got hooked on reading those when we first switched to DirectTV. We would pick shows that we knew were fucked up and read the “Family Discussions” section.
You being obsessed with one silly character name in a movie like this is kinda like when you were put off by the Björk song in Sucker Punch. Like, did you see the rest of the movie?
Missing something without “whippersnappers”, being “on the dope” and “getting a real job”.
This is dumb.
You should see the description for Silence of the Lambs.
“Hannibal Lecter may seem “intelligent” but he’s a lawbreaker and troublemaker. He doesn’t act responsibly and eats the meat from people’s faces straight off their skulls while they’re still alive, like a feral dog. On the plus side, he’s well-read and charming”.
“Lots of big, powerful guns are pulled, and many minor characters are shot and killed. Not too much blood is seen,” and there were horses, a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident.
-Brick Tamlin
no meniton of how sweaty dwayne the rock johnson is????