Yes, Virginia, It Is A Movie!
As a person who sometimes watches and reviews films for a living, I have this fear. See, the world of film criticism is littered with writers who once seemed not only sane, but competent – insightful, even – who eventually deteriorated into passionless husks, regurgitating the same, semi-meaningless canned phrases and writing things like “fans of the series will find much to love here!” Peter Travers comes to mind. Roger Ebert remains an enjoyable writer, but his tastes have become bizarre and confusing. And this is the norm, not the exception. My working theory on why this happens is, that by constantly bombarding their senses with films they have no interest in seeing, over the course of a career spanning decades, the aging film critic’s brain eventually becomes tenderized into this rom-com softened Sandler mush, no longer able to discern mild innocuousness from excitement, because genuine excitement is such a distant memory that they’re forced to grade a film by how it might feel to the person they think they used to be. Roughly 85 percent of movies, like roughly 85 percent of almost all things, are crap. When you stop pre-sifting out that which is obvious crap, and start seeing everything, just because, it constitutes an unnatural act. An act I suspect that, over time, is like performing your own slow-drip lobotomy. It’s an ugly business, for ugly people.
Ignoring my own rules and looking danger square in the face, I saw Men in Black 3, a film which is obvious crap. And? It wasn’t… that…. bad! Now I’m forced to wonder: have they finally broken me?? Will “joy” soon become the pinging sound my gesturing stick makes against my bedpan as I signal the orderlies for another shovelful of face gruel? WHAT’S HAPPENING TO MEEEEEEEE….
Considering Men in Black 3 is a 3D sequel to a rightly-forgotten paycheck movie from 10 years ago, starring the most blandly charming man in Hollywood, that they started shooting without a finished script… it is shockingly good. The time travel plot makes just enough sense! Josh Brolin is charming as hell! Jemaine Clement from Flight of the Conchords is a delightfully over-the-top villain! Emma Thompson and Michael Stuhlbarg get fun supporting roles! And weird hair! The father-son dynamic between Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones is damn near… touching at times! The 3D is… barely noticeable!
Screenwriter Etan Cohen (who also wrote Tropic Thunder, which I love, and co-wrote Idiocracy) should be commended for writing a script inoffensive enough (occasionally even bordering on amusing!) to allow me to tolerate – nay, enjoy – such an utterly forgettable hot tub fart of a movie.
I don’t know why anyone would want to see Men in Black 3. But if, say, you have a 103-minute layover inside a movie theater, you could do a lot worse.
GRADE: B-
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I clicked on this twice, gotta get that money.
He looks like a cardboard cut out in front of the blue screen. The trailer footage looks eerily unrealistic in that scene especially.
MiB 1&2 are also delightful, enjoyable, crappy movies. Crappy movies that are good are almost as rare as awesome movies, but there’s at least one every year. Usually it helps when these movies are comedies, because you can throw out the ridiculous premise or horrible acting and sit back and enjoy.
I only read the first sentence of this post and have surmised that you, sir, are a pussy.
This I’m hearing in Rip Torn’s voice.
I am wearing a bath robe.
I prefer my black people a little more non-threatening. Ever since Will got “jiggy with it”, I just can’t trust him. How do I know this isn’t “gangsta”?
If they don’t put “I saw Men in Black 3, a film which is obvious crap. And? It wasn’t… that…. bad!” on the poster, it had better be because they went with the line where you called it a hot tub fart.
Looks like Vince can never be trusted to review movies again.
“Grown Ups 2? Sandler’s best film in almost 15 years!”
Time to be transfered to warming glow?
It’s interesting that you got that from “hot tub fart of a movie.”
Given the movies he’s actually made, Grown Ups 2 may in fact be Adam Sandler’s best film in 15 years.
We’re you drunk and getting blown by a model during the movie? That is the only conceivable way that I could see enjoying the snuff film.
Some of you shit on Vince but the first movie was enjoyable. The second one however was definitely a nasty bed-sheet Dutch oven of a movie.
I think that happens to everyone, Vince. Unless one makes it his duty to just instantly dismiss and not watch anything that isn’t great at first glance, I think everyone’s doomed (blessed, I’d say, but most of you scumbags would disagree) to have their tastes expand to a very wide range of enjoyment/tolerance over the years — music, film, tv, food, etc. Don’t fight it; just be aware that it’s happening.
No, I think you’ve complete misread this. It’s not about being “open-minded.” We all know what we’re going to find in a movie called “Men in Black 3.” That’s the exact opposite of having your tastes expanded. It’s acceptance of not trying to expand your tastes.
Hmm, I think this might be an issue of semantics, vis a vis the word “taste.” When you say things like “shockingly good” and “what’s happening to me,” those sound like indicators of changing tastes, i.e. greater tolerance of a movie’s flaws in order to enjoy the good stuff that’s there. So I’m talking about taste in terms of enjoyment, whereas, from your reply here, it sounds like you’re talking about taste in terms of expectations.
I get the feeling that you liked it a little more than you let on, but don’t want to admit it. Mostly because it’s fucking Men in Black 3, and has no right being any good.
I think I laid it out in a pretty straightforward manner already: I had no interest in seeing a third Men in Black movie (I did like the first one). I saw it anyway because it’s my job. It was okay. I’m not going to try to convince people to see it, because it’s not a movie that needs to be seen. It’s a not-unpleasant way to kill 90 minutes.
saw it this weekend. Vince’s review and this comment is dead on. if everyone here is so convinced that it must be the worst movie of all time then why waste time commenting on it, or at least go see it if you want to flame it so badly, cant really judge it otherwise.