In case you weren’t aware, the Cannes International Film Festival is well under way, with only four days remaining for Tara Reid and her leather wallet to convince people she can memorize a few lines and not blink while she says them. Hell, Rihanna can memorize 68 of them, so why not Tara? But until then the big buzz is surrounding Natalie Portman’s newest project, Jane Got a Gun.
Yep, it’s a Western with a “clever” title, so naturally it’s causing a massive bidding war. I just hope this poorly-titled film doesn’t have a great plot that will be bogged down by people making Aerosmith jokes for the rest of eternity.
Jane Got a Gun centers on a woman whose outlaw husband returns home riddled with bullet wounds and barely alive. When her husband’s gang eventually tracks him down to finish the job, she is forced to reach out to an ex-lover and ask if he will help defend her farm. (Via the Hollywood Reporter)
Damn, that sounds intense. I mean, what did her husband do? What did he put Jane through? Ugh, I can’t even do it.
Anyway, to make up for it, I think what this film really needs is a huge, epic shootout at Jane’s home, as she’s pinned down by two dozen gunmen. Because then, there’s only one way she could survive…
And that Patton Oswalt joke concludes shitty rock music Wednesday. Thanks for stopping by.
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hmmmmnnaaa hmmmmmnnaaaa hmmmmmmmm
I predict that this will be picked up by a studio execs who decide to make a few minor tweaks to the plot to increase profitability:
Jane Got a Gun centers on a woman whose werewolf husband returns home riddled with silver bullet wounds and barely alive. When her husband’s pack eventually tracks him down to finish the job, she is forced to reach out to a vampire ex-lover and ask if he will help defend her chateau.
Dream on
Jane will have a definitive advantage in the ol’ west, in that she can use her jewbrows both as a lean to for keeping firewood dry, and to shelter livestock from the elements.
I look forward to seeing Natalie falling off her horse but then deciding to get Back in the Saddle Again.
Also, they’re called hebrows
In the song, however, Janie used a gun to defend her farm from her ex-lover.
That banner pic is shite. Hipsters are all about sepia, not B&W.
Sounds like the quality of the movies at Cannes is going… Down? *Heh-heh-heh-heh-Ooooh*
Damn, that was a bad one. If it’s any consolation a liiiiiiiiiittle bit of poop came out just as I hit the Post Comment button.
Get a Grip man
When are they going to do a follow up to The Professional, where Matilda has used the wisdom imparted on her by Leon (drink milk and wear a beanie) to become one of New York’s best assassins? Do I have to think of everything Hollywood?
They called it Columbiana, and it sucked.
“Jane, Seriously, What The Fuck Is With The Gun, Bitch?”
I’m not the only one that glanced at the banner pic and thought Portman was getting nailed by the Biebs dykie grandmother, am I?
I thought that was Ashlee Simpson at first.
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