I never read many comic books growing up because I was too busy being mediocre at sports and not getting laid, but one of the gripes about the X-Men movies I hear most often from comic book fans is that Wolverine, who was around 5’3″ in the comic books, is played by six-feet-tall Hugh Jackman. Normally I’d trade wedgies for information like this, but I have to admit, short guys don’t have many superheroes, so it sucks to take one away from them, and if he’s not supposed to be small, why the f*ck would you call him “wolverine?” Why not “T-Rex,” or “Sir Knifehands von Cuttington?” You call him Wolverine because wolverines are small.

In any case, when you think “small, buff, and angry,” you generally don’t think “Hugh Jackman.” What you might think is “Glenn Danzig.” The world’s most satanic onion soup-loving neighbor hater recently weighed in on the subject in an interview with LA Weekly on the eve of his Danzig Legacy Tour, in which he’ll be performing Misfits and Samhain songs with Doyle (you better believe I’ve got my ticket). He sees one major difference between Hugh Jackman’s portrayal and the way Glenn would’ve done it:

Early in the film’s pre-production, you were in talks to play Wolverine in X-Men. How would you have played Logan/Wolverine differently than Hugh Jackman?
It wouldn’t have been as gay. Actually, he wasn’t the first choice. They hired Dougray Scott. He had a falling out with the director, and then they hired Hugh Jackman. I’m glad I didn’t do it. It was terrible.

Mmm, that’s delicious Danzig. Sullen, dismissive, slightly angry to be there. “I’m just sayin’, I think there’s a one hell for demons, and sinners, and regular people, and a separate one for gay people.” “Mr. Danzig, you’re scaring me.”

Another beautiful Danzig quote, after the jump:

You collect action figures of yourself. What do you actually do with them?
I don’t collect action figures of myself.

I read in one interview that you did.
I never said that [Laughs]. They put out action figures of me.

But you don’t collect them?
No one makes them except a Japanese company called Medicom. I mean I have three, but how would I be collecting them?

So you do have the action figures.
They aren’t really action figures. They are this big [makes hand gestures larger than action figure size].

I see.
You know, people write a lot of weird stuff about me. [LAWeekly]

“Some company put out these action figures of me, and I have some, but I wouldn’t say ‘I collect action figures.’ In the first place, they weren’t really action figures, I just don’t know what else to call them. and I wouldn’t call owning three of them ‘collecting.’ That’s just stupid. See? People are always making up stuff about me.”

“Hey thanks, Danzig. Good talk, man.”

Here’s an old video of not-gay Danzig describing his book collection while shirtless.

[thanks for the tip, Andrea]