"Whatcha thinkin' bout?" "Mmmm, I dunno, fake pot."

Even before Miley Cyrus’s LOL hit theaters this weekend, people were preparing for a bomb. Lionsgate basically never gave it a chance, shelving it for two years (it was shot in 2010), and throwing it up at 105 locations with no promotion. It probably would’ve gone direct to DVD if not for a contract provision with foreign distributors saying it had to be released on at least 100 screens domestically. The result? The film’s entire opening weekend gross came to $46,500. By comparison, The Avengers, whose actual weekend gross of $207 million exceeded the already-record-breaking early estimates, earned $47,698 per theater. Yes, more than LOL‘s entire run. Aw, I hope this doesn’t mean we won’t still get to see Miley in Allan Loeb’s I’m Like, So Undercover (yes, that is a real movie).

Some math: LOL‘s per-screen average was $440. Divide that by $11, which is about your average ticket price, and it comes out to 40 people per theater who saw LOL this weekend. The closest theater to me showing LOL had five showings per day. If we take that as about standard, multiply that by three days, fifteen showings, and that’s 40 people into 15 screenings, meaning, if my math serves (and I fully acknowledge that it might not), that the average screening of LOL had LESS THAN THREE VIEWERS (2.667). Holy shit, you could have a Yanomami take attendance at those.

There undoubtedly would’ve been more viewers if Lionsgate had actually promoted the film at all, but considering it was a movie called “LOL,” in which Miley Cyrus’s character was named “Lol,” and whose stated goal was to LOL (MOVE OVER, TYLER PERRY!), pretending it never happened was probably the smartest thing they did the entire process.

I can’t take that voice for more than five seconds. She’s rich, can’t someone unclog her nose?

[numbers from MovieCityNews via YahooMovies. Avengers numbers via BoxOfficeMojo, who didn't even track LOL for some reason]