Here’s the latest trailer for Rock of Ages, starring Tom Cruise, Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Julianne Hough, and the invisible grinning face of Satan. This warmed-over pile of stupid clichés and pandering is impressive only the sense that I think I actually barted when I saw it. That’s when you barf and fart at the same time.
Not even a baboon in a leather jacket could get me to see this.
Boy, what would attractive white kids do without wise black folks to give them advice but not hog any of their spotlight? I hope this movie gets cancer.
TAGS: ADAM SHANKMAN, ALEC BALDWIN, CATHERINE ZETA-JONES, CRAP, MUSICALS, TOM CRUISE, TRAILERS, WHY GOD WHY
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I watched that with the sound off, but I imagined Tom Cruise singing his motivational speech from Magnolia. Made it a little better.
Only Paul Giamatti’s epic facial hair saves this from being the worst thing ever.
The Vichy French said the same thing.
The only reason the play makes money is broadway’s proximity to north jersey. They can expand their audience beyond the typical theater fags and jewish guys, pull in some middle aged meatheads and dominican guys who love bruce springsteen. I don’t know that a national audience is going to go for this.
At least you didn’t blart, which is when you barf and fart while falling down on a segway while weighing 300 pounds.
Please, “barted” is so last week. The cool, hip new term is “farfed.”
Fun fact: Tom had to stand on an apple crate for all his scenes with the baboon.
(And now we wait…)
Fun fact: Tom Cruise is only three apples high.
We used to measure with apples. So there I was, on my way to the talkies, with an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time…
oh my god, did anyone else just lean in towards their computers?
* crosses fingers the filmmakers add a Great White song to the finale *
Then there’s “Sandler-ing.” From the same family as barting, blarting and farfing, it’s when someone shits, pisses and pukes all at the same in a dark theater in front of maybe fifteen people, but none of them care.
I’m not convinced when you say not even the baboon in the jacket will make you see it. I for one feel oddly compelled by it.
Julianne Hough. I would bludgeon Kate Upton with two dead porcupines just to get her attention. So I will be seeing this.
This movie was written by two studio execs who hit a strip club and did blow off of two dancers in a private booth after attending the premier of GLEE.
Making eye contact with Russell Brand for more than 5 seconds gives you herpes.
Just looking at Russell Brand for more than a minute gives you pinkeye.
“This place is about to become a sea of sweat, ear-shattering music, and puke.” — Kevin James before annihilating the local Old Country Buffet.
Gunter, GLEEben, Glauchen, Globen.
Some musicians would give their left arm to be a part of this movie.
+1
Is this the Little People, Big World Tour?
When I saw this trailer I laughed, and sort of snorted. Apparently, its called being a f*cking retard.
In the immortal words of C-Tates: “You know whose fault this is? Glee. Fuck Glee!”
Gah! Baboon!
~ curls up on floor in fetal position~
Baldwin actually looks like his pre-good guy “evil warlord” from THE SHADOW.
Excpet fatter.
How fucking lazy do you have to be to set out to write a musical and you use songs that have been around for 30 years?
So….is this a musical drama? A comedy? A dramedy? I….this trailer answers no questions! I’m so confused, not the least of which is why do I kinda want to see this?