As you all know and I’m sure are positively dying to hear more about, Lindsay Lohan has been cast in a Lifetime Original about Elizabeth Taylor called Liz & Dick. As you may have also heard, Lindsay Lohan is an unemployable, pathologically lying drug addict who can barely stay out of jail for more than two weeks at a time. I mean you’d have to be Herbie Fully Loaded to cast her in anything. So, how do her film’s producers plan to reconcile that with spending money contingent on her showing up to work? Well they don’t, really, but they have insurance.
“Well, we have more than a Plan B actually,” producer Larry Thompson revealed in an exclusive interview with E! News, “[because] Lindsay Lohan may be the most insured actress that ever walked on a soundstage.” [E!News]
And I’m sure the guy producing a Lifetime movie about Liz Taylor who stunt-casted Lindsay Lohan in it would know, I imagine he’s got plenty of juice in this town. In related news, Lindsay says if she has her druthers, Gerard Butler would be the actor Dicking her Liz. Lohan says Butler actually reminds her a lot of Sir Richard Burton and hey would you look at that I completely stopped giving a shit.
Honestly, I only cover this stuff so I can post new Lifetime Original trailers.
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I usually run out of F***s to give when the weekly “Hump Day Amazing Spider-Man” story rolls through the blogsphere, so yup, this is par for the course.
Plan B: hire Lindsay Lohan, insure her for a billion dollars and keep the production running until she drops dead.
Full disclosure, I stole that idea from her parents.
“I mean you’d have to be Herbie Fully Loaded to cast her in anything.” SWISH!
Anyone else think that being the actuary in charge of Lindsey’s file is plucked straight out of a 00s rom-com?
When told that the producers had “a Plan B” for her, LiLo asked if she could snort it.
“I know they, like, kill babies and stuff, but do they get you high?”
… Then again, who am I kidding? This surely wasn’t the first time a producer offered her emergency postcoital contraception. How do you think she landed that role in Herbie Fully Loaded?
That chick in the first trailer is Paul Rudd’s bitch from WHAS. This post is now awesome because I am thinking of Paul Rudd being smothered and making out with BBQ-Sauce-face.
That’s weird, I was thinking of Paul Rudd smothered in BBQ sauce.
I stopped caring about this cunt a long time ago, but I have to give props for that banner image. Exemplary ‘shopping.
Oh, sure, add a drunken, partying Scotsman to the volatile situation. That’ll go great.
I’ve said this elsewhere in the Uproxxisphere, but the only logical choice to play Sir Richard Burton is Doug Hutchison.
Famed director Herbert Loadé takes offense to your comments…
Elizabeth Taylor and Lindsay Lohan really aren’t that different. Both were precocious child stars, both had issues with alcohol, Taylor crusaded against HIV and AIDS and Lohan does . . . umm . . . damnit, where the hell was I going with this?
That Lindsey seems to be hell bent on contracting them?
To get Lindsay to the set on time each day, I imagine the producers make a trail of Adderall from Lindsay’s trailer to the set. *Ooh, piece of candy* *Ooh, piece of candy*
Is the banner pic a chauffeur-driven muscle car? With a box of Kleen in back? Truly a romance for the ages.