Carnival is offering a Saw-themed cruise for torture-porn masochists

I know yesterday was tax day, but it’s never too soon to start thinking about vacation ideas (make it count!) and I can’t think of a better way to spend your PTO than on a Carnival Cruise with a Saw theme. Not only does the Carnival Glory (why note a Glory-themed cruise) feature 22 lounges and bars, a casino, miniature golf, a 214-foot waterslide, and I have to imagine at least one comedian/hypnotist, come August, it’s also going to have Ned Bellamy, aka “Jeff” the Drill Chair Man. SERIOUSLY! JEFF THE DRILL CHAIR MAN! IN THE FLESH!

This amazing 5 night cruise departs from New York City and travels to the most beautiful points in Canada (the last six “SAW” movies were filmed in Canada). During this amazing cruise, you will be able to party with the “SAW” stars and meet other fans who love “SAW” just like you! You will attend fantastic pool and dance parties, question and answer sessions and many special events. You can also get autographs from the “SAW” stars, take FREE individual photos with the “SAW” stars, attend FREE movie screenings, and much, much more.

FREE pictures with the Saw stars?! Normally you’d have to visit an LA-area Del Taco on a weekday to find such a deal!

Reserve your cabin now! Meet and party with SAW legend, Costas Mandylor (“Hoffman”), Ned Bellamy (“Jeff“ the Drill Chair Man in the original SAW movie), the very sexy Anne Greene (who played “Dina“ in the opening scene in SAW 3D) and the beautiful actress Rebecca Marshall (“Suzanne“ who gets killed in the “Eye Trap” in SAW 3D).

Big News: Dan Yeager and Mark Rolston are coming on the Cruise: Meet Dan Yeager, who stars as the legendary “Leatherface” in the new movie: Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D. Dan is a gracious and incredible person — learn all about the man behind the Chain-SAW! Best of all, everyone on the SAW Cruise will get a FREE Dan Yeager Autographed Photo.  Mark Rolston is also coming on the Cruise. Mark played “Erickson” in SAW 5 and SAW 6 and he’s great with fans. Mark is an outstanding actor and he’s been in many unforgettable movies including The Shawshank Redemption, Eraser, Aliens and The Departed. In a special appearance, Jigsaw’s legendary “Puppet” will be onboard the Cruise! This Puppet was used and seen in the SAW movies. [BocaRatonTravelGroups via Collider]

I like to make fun of horror movies by saying they’re all about either creepy kids or haunted houses, but if they’re looking for an original horror movie premise, hey, it’s right here. Being trapped in a Saw fan pool party sounds more horrifying than all the horror films I’ve ever seen combined.

“Let’s play a game.”

“Okay! Sounds fun.”

“…It’s shuffleboard.”

“OH GOD NO!” (*saws through ankle with hacksaw*)

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