The Raven, starring John Cusack, opens this weekend, and if you haven’t heard anything about it, the fabulously idiotic premise is that on the eve of his death, Edgar Allen Poe has to help police stop a serial killer who’s been referencing Poe’s stories in his murders. Why does a cranky old goth poet like Poe care? BECAUSE THEY’VE GOT HIS GIRLFRIEND, of course! Yes, it sounds like something Charlie Kaufman’s retarded brother Donald from Adaptation would’ve written. The review embargo was lifted today, and as you might imagine, the temptation for critics to make Poe puns was just too strong. By far the most common was a play on “Quoth the raven.” In my own coverage, I went with the kitschier but equally obvious joke “that’s so Raven.”

Here’s what we’ve got so far (I expect more to pour in as the day progresses, please email if you spot one):

Review: Quoth ‘The Raven,’ what a bore -AP

Quoth the raven: “Eh.” -Chicago Tribune

Quoth the raven “I’ve seen better”. -MeMovies

Quoth The Raven, “Ever Meh.” -Portland Mercury

Quoth the Raven, “Wait for rental.” -BlueNeurosis

Quoth This ‘Raven’: Ever-Bore -MSN Movies

Quoth the raven, “Go see something else.” -AP

Glad I saw it, but how many more times will I watch it?  Quoth The Raven, “Nevermore.” -CBS Philadelphia

Meanwhile, similar but slightly different variations included:

‘The Raven’ review: Nothing to crow about – RedEyeChicago

The Raven aspires to both, but abandons those ambitions to lie limply on the floor—only this, and nothing more.  -AV Club

So while it won’t get you in a huge flap, The Raven will give you enough caws to stay awake upon a midnight dreary.. -Sky Movies

The Raven feels like a hollow shell – without a beating (or tell-tale) heart. – Digital Spy

HO, SNAP, RAVEN! YOU JUST GOT POE SERVED! Anyway, I know what you’re all thinking, and sadly, no, Armond White has not reviewed this yet. I bet he’s sitting at his 1800s typewriter right now thinking, “DRAT! Nothing rhymes with ‘burnished lugubriosity!’”