Let me be absolutely clear: I am not recommending this, I am warning you that it is out. Don’t buy it, don’t rent it, don’t stream it, don’t watch it for free on cable, and don’t even torrent it. Burnsy awarded this (along with the rest of Happy Madison’s 2011 output) the 2011 Seltzer/Friedberg Lifetime Achievement Award and he was too kind. I haven’t seen it and no one should. This is the movie that inspired the phrase, “Rated ARG For Pirates. F*ck You.”
The new Superman goes up against Mickey Rourke in this 300 knockoff directed by Tarsem Singh. I’ve never seen it, but I hear you’d be better off watching the director’s previous effort, The Fall. On the other hand, you could wait for his next movie, the god awful looking Mirror Mirror. With such a declining track record (The Cell notwithstanding), he’s like the Indian M. Night Shyamalan.
I’ve never seen the original and this remake still pisses me off. How the hell do they get off using a tag-line like, “This Is Our Time” for a f*cking remake? How about, “This Was Our Parents’ Time And We Have No Generational Identity Thanks To Eating Up Crap Like This And Twentysomething’s Nostalgia For Pop Culture That Isn’t’ Even Theirs About Which To Be Nostalgic”? Luckily it seems to have been largely forgotten already. Nobody will ever play “Six Degrees of Kenny Wormald”.
I’m almost hesitant to mock this movie because Vince loved it so much. In his alarmingly sincere review he gave it four out of five writing chairs, but let’s be honest about what’s going on here. At one point, Vince’s review spells it out:
“…because when you’ve got Anton Yelchin’s Jewy ringlets and rugged pastiness, the world is your vagina oyster.”
Make a movie about a movie blogger finding a coupon for a free Big Mac while getting the Velveeta stains out of his sweatpants and Vince would love it too. [Wait, you're saying I only liked it because it's about a guy with a sad mop of Jew curls who nevertheless gets to bang both Felicity Jones AND Jennifer Lawrence??? I never considered it before, but I'll admit, you make a lot of sense. -Vince]
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Between the yelly popup ad and this post (with the Mickey Rourke post as a bonus), the superliminal message of this site appears to be that Immortals is now available for home viewing.
Also available in 3-D blu-ray!
Felicity Jones is a pretty saucy name. I think it translates into American as Happiness Johnson.
“Let me be absolutely clear: I am not recommending this, I am warning you that it is out. Don’t buy it, don’t rent it, don’t stream it, don’t watch it for free on cable, and don’t even torrent it. ”
So you’re saying there’s a chance…
The Skin I Live In is also a gripping documentary about every Filmdrunkard’s basement.
P.S We are all big girls. Large through the hips. Roomy.
Ayrton Senna was a fucking beast and Ran blew my tiny mind on first viewing. Stay tuned for more exciting childhood memories.
“Streaming” sounds like a pretty hardcore cell phone picture to leak.
The “Footloose” remake is actually pretty good, even though there’s no reason whatsoever for it to exist. Still, Craig Brewer – he did “Hustle & Flow” – makes the no-dancing thing feel believable in modern times and he really gets Southern culture (insert redneck joke here). I was very surprised by how much it didn’t suck.
I kinda hate car racing, but Senna was fairly entertaining nonetheless.
Am I the only person to actually enjoy “Immortals?” I thought it was pretty great and 3-D technology was made for Freida Pinto’s butt (double).
Wyatt Earp’s Revenge? Is that Rickets? Small Pox?
I’m pretty sure it is an Indian stealing 4 pairs of clothes.
“He is now working on a Kickstarter campaign hoping to fund a journey on which he hunts Screech down so he can punch him in the face.”
Now that’s a journey of self-discovery.
Immortals visually is amazing. A truly beautiful looking movie. Not strong on story but fuck me if it doesnt bang your eyes with its beauty. It kind of looks like a golden painting come to life.