Spaghetti Dog added for scale
HOLY JAILBAIT, BATMAN! Here's a still from Spring Breakers, a seemingly teenybopper screwball comedy starring Disney Channel darlings Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, and Ashley Benson being directed by epic weirdo Harmony Korine. This is going to be so awesomely bizarre it might tear a hole in space time (with my boner). HEY, WAIT A SECOND! Is that James Franco?!
HOLY CRAP, IT IS! Make no mistake, friends, we are being dicknosed. HARD.
[more from this batch at TheSuperficial]
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Something about this makes me think it's going to be a really good movie.
Chick in a bathrobe leaning against a cop car? That's just what happens when you film in Florida.
I get the feeling this movie is going to have a LOT of frolicking.
They may not be wearing helmets, but that one in the middle has great airbags, amirite?! (*looks around for high five*)
"What's that officer? No, I didn't get a good look at their faces, just legs and butts. I can tell you that they were extremely lithe and nubile. My guess is they're about 19. If you get a lineup started of anyone who fits the description, I'm willing to try to identify them. I just want to do my part."
[via ThePlaylist]
NOOOOOO, BABY GOOOOSE! TELL ME WHO DID THIS TO YOU! WHO! OH NO NOT MY SWEET BOY NOOOOOO!
This is from Only God Forgives, which reteams Ryan Gosling with Drive director Nicholas Winding Refn.
The film features Gosling as Julian, a former kickboxer and gangster living in Bangkok. When his brother is murdered by a ruthless Thai police lieutenant, Julian is forced to seek vengeance or risk his own death. [ComingSoon]
"Hey, girl. My eye may be black, but the only thing that makes me blue is being away from you. I know it hurts you to see me like this, so I made pigs in a blanket. Your favorite, girl."
Why so sad, hippie helmet lady? Is it the sparks? You allergic to lens flares?
I posted the trailer for this one the other day, Cronenberg's Don DeLillo adaptation starring Robert Pattinson. The poster is pretty straightforward, as it should be.
Futura must have one hell of a publicist.
This poster seems a bit, I don't know... busy. Though I'm impressed that they managed to snap that Polaroid during the nanosecond that Josh Hutcherson's mouth wasn't hanging open.
Here's Elizabeth Olsen on the set of Kill Your Darlings,"featuring Daniel Radcliffe as poet Allen Ginsberg and Dane DeHaan as Lucien Carr." Olsen plays Kerouac's wife, Edie Parker. It's nice to see this Olsen sister getting work. She's so much less punchable than the other ones. I hear she's a pretty good actress too.
[MovieWeb]
Remember our rule about horror movies? They're either about possessed kids or haunted houses. It seems pretty obvious that this one's haunted house.
Fascinating as usual, Avengers. Also, can't we do something to update the basic silliness of the "team of superheroes" concept? I mean, I can suspend disbelief enough to allow for a Viking God that flies around and hits people with a magic hammer, but I can't believe that any serious threat could be deterred by two people with pistols and a guy with a bow and arrow on the front lines. Especially when one of them has no depth perception. "The Germans are coming! Quick, get my Glock!"
Run for your lives, it's a Decepticon! And he's got lens flares!
It's fitting that a movie with a premise as Idiocracy as The Raven would have its own pointlessly-diagonal-horizon line poster. GRRR, TRENDS!
Here's another foreign poster, this time for Seeking Justice, with Nic Cage. That sideways city is actually there for scale. Nic Cage's forehead is the size of one city block.
Andy Garcia IS... the DANDIEST COWBOY.
A chronicle of the Cristeros War (1926-1929), which was touched off by a rebellion against the Mexican government's attempt to secularize the country.
Moral of the Story: It's very hard to secularize a country whose economy is 90% Virgen-candle-based.
Remember when this movie was supposed to star Channing Tatum, but then the author of the book didn't let the producers extend the option because of it? C-Tates has grown on me a lot since then (he C-walked into my heart, say), but Michael Shannon is still probably a much better choice. I wonder if he drowns any Jews in this one.
"From the company that brought you An Inconvenient Truth, Food Inc, and Waiting for Superman: something else super-duper depressing!"
There should probably be a surgeon general's warning about not watching this when you're high.
Here's Hugh Jackman on the set of Les Miserables as Jean Valjean. DANGIT! I tried to pronounce "Les Miserables" the French way and I got phlegm all over my keyboard. LAY MEEEZCHHHHHURAUUBL
Here's more posters for Loss of Life, which I assume is a crappy found-footage horror movie. But at least it's not about a possessed kid or a haunted house, right?
...Unless the clown guy is actually possessed and lives in a haunted house. I wouldn't say it's out of the question.
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Get it? He's, like, this clown, that like kills people and stuff. Something about the duality of man.
Come on, don't tell me the most inspiring quote you could find in On the Road was "We're alive!" It looks like he's about to be attacked by killer bees.
This one's from a big batch of new stills from Seeking a Friend at the End of the World. Highlighting drunk Patton Oswalt at a pre-apocalypse wine orgy? YES YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES! Just to be clear, I really, really want to see this movie.
Yep, one of the new stills from Seeking a Friend is just this dog. I just feel like this movie gets me, you know?
[More pics from this batch at ThePlaylist]
This poster looks pretty scary, but I had no idea Kerouac's story was so intense.
Oi cunt, now slowly step away from da Sazz Wagon, roight? Oy didn' shoyne da focken fing so some cheeky cont could come along an smudge it up, now did Oy? Da Stafe ain afraid ta kiww a cont in between knobbin birds, is Oy, Tommy.
"An den da cont is loike, 'Oy, Stafe, whoy don' you put on some focken shoes, an a necktoy?' An Oy wiz loike, 'Oy, Da Stafe is gonna be goin' round knobbin' birds an killin conts an droivin' flash bloody fockin sazz wagons, now isn' Oy?' Is da birds meant ta wait for a knobbin whoilst Oy untoy moy focken neck toy? Is Da Stafe meant to run round aw day bashin' conts whoilst wearin uncomftabew focken shoes? Not bloody loikely, is it, Tommy."
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[stills from Safe, via comingsoon]
"You've got to earn a paycheck to collect a paycheck," the Samuel L. Jackson story.
Here's the trailer. It looks as inspired as the poster.
"THEY TELL ME YOU'RE THE BEST."
This guy looks PISSED that the University of Hawaii changed their mascot. "Rainbows are gay??! I'LL SHOW YOU GAY!" (*slow motion action sequence, John Woo releases doves in background*)
Here's a Chinese poster for We Need to Talk about Kevin. It's pretty accurate, as Tilda Swinton makes that same facial expression for pretty much the entire movie.
Oh sure, give the black guy twice as many kids as everyone else. DASS RAYCESS! Besides, everyone knows the Latin guy would have way more.
Just to reiterate, Chloe Moretz only just turned FIFTEEN. There's nothing I'd rather see than a movie about Blake Lively's cleavage in which Chloe Moretz sexily shoots people, but I'd been advised by my parole officer not to attend.
[most posters via IMPA]
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Don’t worry you guys, I translated the battleship poster:
Coming Soon
Super Good Time Board Game Movie. Okay!
(our apologies, movie does not contain tentacle rape)
*Please visit our new lobby featuring vending machines filled with chicks underwear.*
I wish the Spring Break chicks robbed stuff wearing the Ex-Presidents’ masks. It would be the least inexcusable time I’ve ever bated while looking at Nixon.
Holy shit, every word in the description of the Gosling movie made me squee. WHY CAN’T I SEE IT TODAY?
I’m with you on that one.
It sounds like a Swayze movie with a Van Damme setting. If he rips a dude’s throat out, I’m in.
I expect Tony Jaa to play a guy that’s just on fire, all the time, kicking things.
Let’s make this an intergalactic circle jerk, yIntaghs!
Do Tom Lennon and Rob Huebel not even get a billing on the poster they are on?
Word. That was my first thought. Oh, but Rodrigo Santoro does? Bullsh*t.
Affirmative action.
Apartment 143 is a haunted apartment, not a haunted house. The difference being, if you hear screaming, it’s from Lindy next door.
Like.
Looks like the designer of the Seeking Justice poster is a fan of the Nicolas Cage skyline gif.
Chloe Moretz really shouldn’t be shooting guns in a movie again, or at least not for another three years. I can’t take it!
Oh come the fuck on now Chloe Moretz… I don’t think I’ve seen an underage girl with that much potential since… uh that one chick one the National Spelling Bee last year. Yeah, that’s what i mean…
33 is a Japanese poster, evinced by the simple characters dispersed among the Chinese ones. Name of the movie in Japan? “Youth fires a cruel arrow” because, uh, hunger games I’m guessing.
Also the Battlefield poster’s headline is “From Hasbro, the company that brought you transformers” so the decepticon stuff is on the nose.
♪ The more you know ☆
“Hey girl, hey. Don’t cry – I got these cuts & scrapes falling for you!”
In that Loss of Life poster, I thought for a split second that was Chris Brown. At first, I couldn’t remember what his name was so I googled, “guy who hit rihanna.”
The Iceman: The Tony Soprano Story.
# 7: They looked like white hispanics to me, officer! Cop: Just what the hell does that mean?
Regarding # 14, The Avengers: I’m not sure if it was meant as a joke (which I’m bad at getting), and since I’m a horrible jerk, I want to point out that Glock is an Austrian company, not German. Should have said “Grab my (Heckler) and Koch!”
Is Hawkeye from the Hood? Why is he holding his bow sideways? Does he think it’s a crossbow? Why is he holding his release hand like a kung fu extra with palsy?
[www.wired.com]
In # 16, I like how you used Idiocracy as an adjective; I just don’t know what you mean.
In # 34:
What happens… (scene cut)
When the bro-iest of bros… (scene cut)
Settle down and accept their fates as neutered, urban SWPL buttwipes?
This summer, the Bros-ya-see become the Bourgeoisie!
The Loss of Life poster seems inaccurate, since the unarmed black kid isn’t the one wearing the hoodie.
Looking at that “Hick” poster, I’m reminded how much better things were in the 13th century.
The We Need to Talk About Kevin is in Japanese not Chinese. raises accusatory finger* RACIST!
Wow, that Franco banner pic is His exact mental image of Brunsy when he’s
in the sights of His photon torpedo targeting computerdoing his “Occupy Dolphins” thang!Chloe Moretz (or her agent) has GOT to just be f*cking with us at this point. I bet she wears a Life Alert bracelet that goes straight to Dateline.
#22-#24: That baktag is really dinked off that the black kid didn’t pour some Faygo out at the baby funeral, huh?
Stafe says ‘kant’ not ‘cont’. He isn’t Irish, thank christ.
A Harmony Korine movie, a Nicolas Winding Refn movie, scary Michael Shannon and Chloe Moretz rocking a pistol. What Pagan god did we please for such a bountiful harvest. My guess is the animal sacrifices I’ve been making lately.
“No Miss Vanderchuk, I don’t know what could have happen to Scruffy. I’ll be on the lookout.”
chloe already turned me on shooting people as hit girl and now she’s doing it again as a texan doing it cowgirl style? she really knows how to go after the hearts of her core audience!
Is number 11 a bear with a ckull tatto on his throat????? ……………EPIC!!!
SKULL…………..dang it.
tattoo……….crap.
#19 Story behind that guy is way crazier than what any actor could portray. He would tie people up in a cave on his farm, and release rats into the cave and seal it up for a few weeks, and these were mob hits not juust some random serial killer.
Seriously, Vince: you write the best cockney accent.
Franco is supposed to be playing Riff Raff from MTV’s From G’s to Gents, not K-Fed!
Riff Raff is a real American hero.
The last line of the plot summary for Warriors of the Rainbow is: “The only thing they forgot was whether it was the Rainbow or the Sun they believed in; they actually believed in the same sky.”
And no, there is no context for that. Thanks IMDB!
The Detention poster is so pointlessly busy to distract you from seeing Dane Cook’s name.
The Raven and Con-Air. Cusack plays Poe in one and he works with Cameron Poe in another.
THERE WILL BE MASHUPS!
I don’t think Fek will like the Baby Goose movie, sounds like he plays a Farangi.