Years ago, I made it my life’s mission to one day find Ted Nugent and punch him right in his stupid goddamned soul patch. (Failing that, I would also accept punching Gene Simmons or anyone in the Will Smith family). My arch-nemesis, the Don Imus of post-classic rock fartcore, was in the news again today, when someone from USA Today bravely decided to endure a conversation with him. The subject? Archery, specifically the form displayed by Jennifer Lawrence in The Hunger Games. Wait, Ted Nugent likes to bow hunt? MY GOSH I HADN’T HEARD.
Nugent, a member of the Bowhunters Hall of Fame, loves how realistically Lawrence carries herself as bow-wielding Katniss Everdeen in the movie. Apparently Lawrence hit the bullseye with the performance.
“All of us archers and bowhunters are so very happy to see real honest-to-God archery form being displayed properly for a change,” Nugent tells USA TODAY. “Proper archery is one of life’s most beautiful ballets, especially when executed by a beautiful woman like Jennifer.”
He adds, “It makes for the ultimate eye-candy.”
Lawrence trained extensively with 4-time Olympian Khatuna Lorig prior to filming. “I had no choice but to be good,” she said. “I was working with an Olympian.” [USA Today]
DON’T YOU DARE GET YOUR CHEESY BUTTROCK STINK ON MY CATNIPS FEATHERBEEF, YOU SMELLY PROTO-CHAD KROGER! I swear to God, if the government allows the Scott Stapp of the seventies anywhere near my beloved Jennifer Lawrence I will move to Canada and start planning a coup. Good luck stopping it with your ancient Indian weapons, you slimy dicklicker. And speaking of The Hunger Games, if we somehow got Ted Nugent, Cam Gigandet, Danny Masterson, and Evan Stone together on a government-sponsored murder island, I think everyone wins.
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Headline of the year? It’s in the running, at least.
Man why do old dudes think its OK to talk about pretty young girls? Its fucking creepy man.
one day we will be old crepy dudes as well, it’s kind of sad that one day it will be innapropriate to make lewd comments about the new Hermione in the reimageining of Harry Potter
Eh, old ladies do it about Twilight too. Creepiness knows no sex.
You need to get your creepometer fixed. Saying some chick looks hot shooting arrows is not creepy.
She isn’t underage. He didn’t make an lewd comments. Or try to get a date with her. Or make an online marriage proposal.
Cheesy Buttrocker Stinks up Catpiss Over Bow Ballet, Mancini gets Fever (Gabin Remix)
Shoulda been “Gives Mancini Fever.” I suck.
Government Sponsored Murder Island would be a fantastically responsible use of taxpayer dollars. Obama should get on it so the Republicans can be all “Nuh-uh!” and Democrats can be all “No fair!”.
Politics are timely!
I’m not sure I can take the word of a man who somehow manages to look like someone crammed all of The Village People into Brundle’s machine from “The Fly.”
70′s rockstar, still livin’ the wildlife.
Bad touch, Uncle Ted. Bad touch.
Chief Ted Nugent loves rock and country but deplores heavy metal.
Chief Ted Nugent is one maizey mother fucker.
Reached for comment, Jennifer Lawrence asked, “Who?”
Chief Ted Nugent calls his guitar his tomahawk.
Chief Ted Nugent never trashes his hotel room after the show because he owns the casino it’s in.
Vince’s coup propaganda posters will feature rapping vampire Gary Busey wearing a black beret riding on the back of a rainbow-farting Great Dane and captioned “Viva la Revolucion!”
Elizabeth Banks has the shortest torso ever.
Government Sponsored Murder Island… that’s a much better name than Gitmo.
Whoa, back off THE NUGENT. Seriously. You probably don’t like Hamm’s Beer either. Pussy.
Not only do I love Hamm’s, I have a jersey from a Hamm’s-sponsored charity softball tournament. Ted Nugent is still a slimy dicklicker.
70′s Ted Nugent is just the type of cheese I like on my cracker. Stranglehold is what my heartbeat sounds like.
THE NUGE IS HARD CORE MAN.
“Can you take me HIIIIIGH ENOUGH..?”
When reached for comment, Roman Polanski spoke of how he wanted to direct a Hunger Games prequel himself but was denied due to his legal difficulties and not for his suggestion that the movie be named “Hunger Games: Prim-Boner”
Ted has always appreciated a lady (or guy, he’s not picky) that shows the proper care and attention to a thin, spindly shaft.
THE NUGE!
I don’t think I hate or love anything as strongly as Vince feels towards Ted Nugent. I’m comfortable in my ambivalence.
From what I can remember of the film, she’s jerking that hand when she releases. With a bow like that, you don’t want to be making that mistake – I can’t remember well enough to guess the poundage, but since she’s drawing and holding it, it’s probably fairly low – most ladies I know only have around 45lb on their compounds (and have been shooting for years – teens are usually in the high 20lb to 30lb zone, for girls), and you don’t have to hold much once the cams kick in. Most recurve (and definitely Traditional) archers I’ve shot with draw and release quickly, Trads typically immediately.
I’m a compound, scope and release-aid girl, myself. It’s been years since I’ve shot recurve or barebow (I was maybe around 10 when I switched to competing with compound). But I’ve shot with people who do, for many years (we’ve a saying when joking about their accuracy: wood attracts wood). Can’t comment too much about jerking of the hands, but I’ve had to get over punching the trigger on my release-aid, so there is that. It makes a hell of a difference to where that arrow lands.
Other than that nitpicking, her form was okay, I guess. Elbow nice and high, arm turned out. Anchor point was perhaps slightly low, but with what she was shooting, that’s okay, I guess. Can’t remember her doing anything as ridiculous as pointing her bow sky-high before drawing back – that is a *really* bad habit. She was hopefully drawing with her shoulders rather than her arms, but again, can’t remember. I did nitpick on her form throughout the film – drove my friends a bit nuts – but, meh. Note to self – don’t randomly write stuff when bored to all hell.