You know who else co-starred in a movie with a chimp? Ronald Reagan.
Gird yourself, folks, we’re about to go deep down the rabbit hole. You may remember Allen Covert from Burnsy’s 
Covert was there to promote his new endeavor, a digital media company called Cherry Tree that entertains children with patriotic stories and life lessons. Covert told Fox News, “As a parent with young children, I would always find little things that bothered me when I was reading bedtime stories or watching shows or listening to children’s music. I couldn’t find any stories, games or television shows that were fun and exciting while also being morally instructive and patriotic. I just felt that some parents would want stories that show strong themes of morality and patriotism.”
Well… that doesn’t seem so bad, I guess. “Patriotism” tends to sound scarily Gestapo-like when conservative bloggers say it, but let’s see where he’s going with it…
Familiar faces in the Cherry Tree series include Tex the T-Rex (a patriotic dinosaur with new books coming out July 4th – his birthday!), Special Hops (pro-military rabbits), and The Eagles (a family that passes on traditional values). Also coming soon is “Potty in the U.S.A,” a potty-training series with toddler versions of Betsy Ross, Thomas Jefferson, and Lewis and Clark. They’ll also teach children about the Pledge of Allegiance and the Revolutionary War.
Phew, well thank the Christian God there isn’t just The Lorax turning our kids into pinko, tree-hugging queers with his dago mustache and slam poetry, now we have pro-military rabbits to teach them about our heroic American robot murder planes while they poop. TRUCKASAURUS, MOTHERF*CKER! (*guitar solo*)
All this was just the intro to the interview with Covert. But shockingly, the rest of the piece wasn’t too interesting.
3. In A Clockwork Orange, Malcolm McDowell is strapped in with his eyes propped open and forced to watch images until he was “cured.” If you could give President Obama, Rep. Nancy Pelosi and Leader Harry Reid the “Clockwork Orange treatment,” what movie would you make them watch?
The Undefeated by Steve Bannon. It would make their heads explode like in the movie Scanners.
That’s the Sarah Palin movie, incidentally. Let us never speak of it again.
7. If Democrats and Republicans had theme songs for 2012 what would they be?
For the Democrats it would be “Liar” by The Sex Pistols. For the Republicans it has to be “Stuck in the Middle With You” by Stealers Wheel8. Who would be on the perfect Red Eye panel?
Me (of course), Bill Schulz, the late great Andrew Breitbart, Thaddeus McCotter and Carrie Keegan. [Townhall]
“Stuck in the Middle?” So the Republicans want to cut my ears off now? I don’t get it.
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So he’s a right-wing zealot AND friends’ with Adam Sandler? I can’t work out which is worse.
Right-wing zealots come and go, but Jack & Jill lasts forever.
“A family that passes on traditional values” is my favorite Catch Phrase clue when “The Aristocrats” card comes up
Tex the T-Rex supports the right to bear tiny arms.
Adam Sandler is a registered Republican…not that there is anything wrong with that
I only laugh at 1% of his jokes.
The Eagles may have values but their music is kind of shitty.
Do the patriotic rabbits fuck an army into existence? I really hope they do.
After losing one of his legs at war, my grandpa was nicknamed “Special Hops”. He lost the other to diabetes a short while ago and now we called him “Sgt. Stubs”
And yet this guy is good friends with someone who’s recent movies are essentially terrorist-recruiting videos
Right-Wing Children’s Books: “Goodnight Moon Base”
Right-Wing Children’s Books: “Horton Hears a Hoover”
“The Cat in the Tri-Cornered Hat”
These right-wing rabbits are probably a lot like the poor rednecks I’ll see in clinic. They claim the right to have as many babies as they want but then demand more government aid when they can’t afford their baby formula AND cigarettes. The only difference is that the rabbits probably wouldn’t call me a faggot for wearing a yellow shirt what with the Easter bunny thing and all.
*nudges Donkey Hodey*
We should probably go take a walk and let these guys do their thing.
“Where the Sidewalk Ends Because It’s Privatized Who Is John Galt?”
On his panel, Thaddeus McCotter isn’t one of the characters? Maybe an Otter who learns life lessons through replacing birth control pills with tic-tacs?
“The Garden of A**** G*****”
Thomas Jefferson is a good choice for the potty training series. He dropped a lot of browns into the gene pool.
“Harry Potter and the Half-Blood President”
They could also just start reissuing Upton’s “Golliwog and Friends”.
“Clarence Thomas & Friends,” especially the one where Sir Topham Hatt busts the railroad unions.
“Dora the Deported”
“Guess how much I love you for knowing that life starts at conception?”
“Everyone Poops on the Middle Class”
The Giving Tree: An Early Warning About Socialism
“Elmo Shrugged”
“One fish, two fish, Red State NOBAMA”
Green Embryos and Ham.
Picket in Times Square.
Redistributed Treasure Island
Where the Welfare Things Are.
Cloudy With a Chance of Missles.
The Very Hungry Welfare State.
Obama and Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad Presidency.
Guess How Much I Love Handouts.
Are You My Father?
Bi-Curious George.
a Mark Foley allegory?
Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel-Ready Jobs.
The Runaway Deficit.
The best way to get the attention of right-wing children is threatening to put them in Clinton’s “Foster Care” program.
So I guess my friend was wrong when he told me this guy isn’t Mel Gibson.
“This just in. Allen Covert wants to kill prominent Libs with his mental powers given to him by Sarah Palin.”
You do know that some people who are fans of this site are NOT Liberals. Right? You cannot be THAT arrogant to assume only glue-sniffing hipsters read about your stealthy Jon Hamm boners. And as for Covert’s kiddy lit, what SHOULD we teach our kids Vince? You strike me as a bright guy. Stop serving warmed up Bill Maher tripe. Even better, keep politics out of it.
“You do know that some people who are fans of this site are NOT Liberals. Right?”
Yup, they’re the asshats who leave stupid comments for the rest to ridicule.
Well, the dude said all the children’s books he could find were bad, I think the burden of proof is on him…
Bernstein bears is pretty cheesy I suppose
Yeah, trust me, we’re not all liberals here. I guarantee you if I found out Shia LeBeouf was writing a series of books called “Ol’ Man McCain and the Ball You’ll Never Get Back” we’d be writing about it, too. Just because Glenn Beck has never laughed doesn’t mean humor has to be completely dead.
Hey, Steve, I’ll make fun of the liberals when that comes up, like it does in almost every post, so try to put on your big boy panties on the rare occasions when I rip on conservatives. I wasn’t even making this post political. If you don’t think “pro-military rabbits” is a hilarious and retarded phrase, I don’t know what to tell you. Politicizing children’s books is dumb no matter what side does it, and will be treated as such.
And I don’t even watch Mad Men, because it’s not about MMA or competitive cooking. Also, hipsters don’t sniff glue anymore, it’s totally gone corporate.
I’ll add this to my list of hilarious conservative jokes. Not to be confused with my lists of hilarious Happy Madison movies, or Duggars I wanna fuck.
P.S. I served in the military for four years, so howzabout you salute my dong after you swab my taint.
So, you’re saying you’re not amused by the title “And to Think That I Saw It On K Street”?
A meal’s not a bribe when it’s one plate or two
Piled high with roast Sniddel and Gorkelfish stew
And a golf trips okay when it’s just a few friends
And their wives and their staffers and their pet Zellonstends
So, we’ll hire your cousin, get your uncle a job
Paid $50 an hour to tend a lobbyist’s Yob
If you vote for our interests, Big Yertle and Groo
We’ll keep you in sweater vests, Mung clocks, and Spoo.
An updated version of Br’er Rabbit and the Tar Baby with the subtitle “Fuck You P.C. Nazis”
Where’s Waldo?: A Beginner’s Guide to Terrorist Profiling
Are You There God? Of Course You Are. It’s Me, Margaret.
The Little Engine That Could Deport All The Messicans
Isn’t the Pledge of Allegiance only like…50 or 60 years old? What the fuck would Betsy Ross and Jefferson know about that piece of
NazionalistNationalist tripe?Okay, so it’s more like…150 years old…but still…Thomas Jefferson likely would not have appreciated the addition of “Under God.” Fuck.
our heroic American robot murder planes while they poop. ……???
While the kids poop, not the planes. Though I like it either way.
Gene Pool Party…..
…those were inspirational…
I dont understand where the issue is, dont like it dont buy it.
everybody poops: some just poop more than others
Oh The Places You’ll Own
Horton Hears a Thoughtcrime
Encyclopedia White and the Case of Armie’s Hammer
Wayside School is Falling Down (So My Parents Placed Me In Brookstone Academy for Boys)
GoldenGoosebumps
Michael Moore and Gallant