Comments of the Week was on hiatus last week, so this week’s is a twofer. You guys didn’t nominate much this past week (we nominate by pasting worthy comments in the Comments of the Week thread), so I had to do some digging myself (and you know how I hate doing work! *glare*). Before we get to our winners, I just want to take a second to highlight some of the wackiest characters. These folks may not win the cleverest quip contest, but they entertain me nonetheless. First up, remember Hell’s Angel hater Mike Yevtuck? I couldn’t figure out why he showed up last week, but luckily he came back to explain:

MIke Yevtuck God of the USA Hells angels:
Thank you I had to many window open on my comp when I found that filthy libel about me.
. I was way to pissed off to think .Then I just started posting how I felt because I did not have a USA hells angels chicken headed freak within beak busting distance.
The USA hells angel chicken headed flocks act like gang banging beak bobbing babbling bitches because they cannot beat or Kill their God so the chicken headed freaks peck away at the keyboard as their only weapon they can use to fight their God and yet stay at a safe distance.
 Happy to hear you understood my position and Vince Mancini got a surprise and a laugh.
Good Site guys

“Beak-busting distance” is my new favorite phrase. I wish Mike Yevtuck showed up in every thread. Commenter McNulty, meanwhile, a braver man than I, seems to have decided to tempt fate:

McNulty
Well, I thought it’d be a good idea to call the number Mike “the Hero of Filmdrunk” left behind. He answered, and I hung up, cause I’m a big chicken. Anywho, he’s been calling me back and leaving increasingly angry voicemails, highlights include-
-”WHAT KIND OF F*CKIN PUSSY ARE YOU?! I’M HOME NOW! BRING YOUR F*CKING CUNT FRIENDS OVER AND I’LL KICK THEIR ASS! WE’LL PLAY!”
I’m tempted to call back and do a interview.

I really hope that’s true. If you still have those messages, please send them in to the Frotcast, please thank you. (415-275-0030).

MIke Yevtuck God of the USA Hells angels
Most use call block but you slipped
recent slip up March 12
Last two # ‘s
17
A Picture and home address is all a hit man should require but I give my phone number and my times schedule as a professional courtesy
Whats the point of staking out a home Car or office when the target is out of country?
The problem Kurt Sutters C*nts or known by some as the USA hells Angels have no experience . Seems USA hells angels are always in the news for harming or killing women and children.
Only time and Kurt Sutter paying the USA hells angels will tell if the USA Hells angels decide to save up and get a man to do a Job that Gang of c*nts can’t

“Gang of C*nts” was my favorite punk band from the 80s. Anyway, it’s hard to compete with MIke Yevtuck for the kooky character award, but Grant Gatsby had some choice words for Michael Bay and his plan to turn MUTANT ninja turtles into ALIENS:

Grant Gatsby
wtf!!!!!! THEN IT WILL NOT BE *** T.M.N.T**** the story is about the radiation slime that turns them and splinter teaches them…………. FUKIN PERIOD if u change that then it isnt TMNT….. FUK U MICHEAL BAY……. FUK U!! ur a overated creative person

I just love that this person has a literary reference for a handle. It’s so perfect. Okay, okay, enough jibber jabber, time to pick a winner. Chino Moreno got the most votes, and I know she wins every week, but I could hardly deny her here. From Bulgarian man arrested trying to smuggle a suitcase full of crocodiles and Komodo dragons:

ChinoMoreno: He almost got away with the carrion but it was too big to fit in the overhead bin.

Followed by:

ChinoMoreno: That was a Bulgar Display of Power.
R.I.P. Dime

So congrats, Chino. Let me know if you want another FilmDrunk shirt to add to your collection. Maybe sponsor an African child and send it to him. He could be our mascot.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: These comments weren’t quite t-shirt worthy, but deserve recognition nonetheless.

From Woody Allen did Midnight in Paris as a stand-up act 50 years ago:

Stallonewolf: “And then, in the summer, I ran into Vladimir Nabokov, and he had just finished writing Lolita, and Gertrude Stein and I read it, and I said, ‘Now this is a great f*cking book!’”

Jessolido: That Spring, Vince Mancini lived on a jerk-off couch on the internet. And he had just photoshopped Vince Vaughn eating an ice cream cone into the background of a photo of… well that’s not important. Gertrude Stein said it was a good photoshop, but not a great one. And I said it could be a fine photoshop, and we laughed over it, and Hemingway made a fart noise right in my ear.

Yup. Next up, from the Star Wars-inspired Goldman Sachs parody, Why I’m Leaving the Empire, by Darth Vader:

GutsAndTalent: I’m the Obi-Wan percent.

From Darren Aronofsky casts Russell Crowe in his Noah’s Ark movie:

Good Grief: I want to see two donkeys clumsily climbing the gangplank, just so I can stand up in the theater and yell, “This isn’t the first Aronofsky film involving two asses banging into each other! AMIRITE!?”

Stallonewolf: ICE CREAM, RIGHT AHEAD!

Moose: This can only end with Crowe using Aronofsky’s funny little Jew hat to wipe Vegemite off his fingers.

Well that’s certainly an image.

From This Week in Posters and Stills:

Ragnarok: Holographic computer screens seem like a bad choice for the guy with no depth perception.

Ragnarok: Thor’s pose is of someone who now regrets trusting that fart.

From Michael Bay’s Ninja Turtles will be edgy, lovable aliens:

Rich Mahogany: I lost a *sigh* when I read this. BUT I CAN GET IT BACK I CAN GET IT BACK!!!

And finally, from Weekend Movie Guide:

The Hammer: What a super stylish and tailored leather jacket you have there super-pretty dystopian archer lady!

Good point. Well that about does it for this installment. Thanks, and happy commenting.