"Release the rhino in 5... 4... 3... "

No, this isn’t movie related, at least not yet, but this is my solemn oath to you: any time a man gets arrested with a suitcase full of crocodiles, I will be writing about it. “Suitcase Full of Crocodiles” is the best Spin Doctors album never written.

Bulgarian customs officials seized a large number of live reptiles, insects and crabs – some of them dangerous – stashed in suitcases in a bus travelling from the Czech Republic, they said on Monday.
The alleged trafficker, a Bulgarian national, was arrested for trying to smuggle 49 turtles, 15 chameleons, six komodo dragons, four Cayman crocodiles and other animals including pythons and poisonous tree frogs, officials said.

I know a lot of stoners, some of whom have owned ferrets, monitor lizards, and pythons, but even I can’t imagine someone wanting to buy a 9-foot lizard with a mouth full of killer bacteria that eats deer. Although I do like the mental image of this guy wearing a big trench coat filled with them. “Psst. Hey, bro. You like leezard? Great deal, friend price.”

“The animals were destined for sale on Bulgarian territory,” Nikoleta Elenkova, a spokeswoman for the customs office, told Reuters. “They’ve been transported to the Sofia zoo and experts from the environment ministry will investigate them.”
Elenkova said demand for exotic animals in the Balkan country, which joined the European Union in 2007, had increased significantly in recent years. Political analysts say such animals can be more easily transported across EU countries, which also include the Czech Republic, because border controls are more lax. [Reuters]

That’s interesting information, but I think I speak for everyone when I say that the big question here is, who’s buying Komodo dragons on the black market? God, can you imagine? I bet there’s a Russian gangster somewhere with a moat full of them. That would be so badass. Either that, or the lizards were headed straight to the set of The Expendables 2 (because it’s shooting in Bulgaria, and because most of the cast is similarly leathery).

In any case, I was able to obtain some footage of the dragons being transported:

Anyone else remember The Freshman? Anyone? …Bueller?

[banner pic source = here]