For people who don’t like that the Oscars are voted on almost exclusively by old, white men, there’s the Independent Spirit Awards, the awards show voted on almost exclusively by less old while men wearing Buddy Holly glasses. Seriously, most of the guys in this screencap came in the first 30 seconds of the monolog (video below), after which I think the director probably yelled “OKAY, THAT’S IT FOR GUYS IN GLASSES, PULL BACK FOUR, GO TO CAMERA SIX…”

Every year, the Independent Spirit Awards holds its younger, hipper, more casual, more t-shirts-with-sportcoatsy awards show the night before Oscars, and this year was no different. Seth Rogen did a 15-minute monolog, which at times sounded like he was bombing. Believe it or not, a giant warehouse full of loudly-clinking silverware is not the best comedy venue. Weird. Who’d have thought? But he wasn’t bombing, and in fact did pretty well, swearing a lot and even getting in a Brett Ratner dig. That kid’s going places, I tell ya, he’s like a young Billy Crystal. I especially liked the shot of Kirsten Dunst looking around to see if a joke was PC enough for her to laugh.

“I committed to watching all of your movies, that’s one of the things you have to do when you host. And I made it through at least the first five minutes of all of them. Some of them start pretty slow, I can tell you that.”

[The Independent Spirit Awards] have the distinction of being the only awards show that is completely inconsequential, like, literally. This won’t help you get paid anymore either. In fact, if anything, it PROVES you’ll work for nothing, so it f*cks you there.

“And most of all, without awards season, we wouldn’t know what a horrible bigot Brett Ratner is. That was crazy. Seriously, when that happened, was anyone like, ‘What?! Not Ratner!’”

“If this was the Oscars, after every funny joke, they’d have to cut to a shot of George Clooney looking charming. Since it’s the Independent Spirit Awards, they have to cut to Michael Shannon looking creepy.”

Anyway, you can check out the monolog and actual awards after the jump. SPOILER ALERT: they’re almost exactly the same as the Oscars. But it’s nice to see actors getting a free meal for once.

BEST FEATURE: “The Artist”
BEST DIRECTOR: Michel Hazanavicius, “The Artist”
BEST MALE LEAD: Jean Dujardin, “The Artist”
BEST FEMALE LEAD: Michelle Williams, “My Week With Marilyn”
BEST SUPPORTING MALE: Christopher Plummer, “Beginners”
BEST SUPPORTING FEMALE: Shailene Woodley, “The Descendants”
BEST FIRST FEATURE: “Margin Call”
JOHN CASSAVETES AWARD (Feature Under $500,000): “Pariah”
BEST SCREENPLAY: “The Descendants”
BEST FIRST SCREENPLAY: “50/50″
BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY: “The Artist”
BEST DOCUMENTARY: “The Interrupters”
BEST FOREIGN FILM: “A Separation”
ROBERT ALTMAN AWARD: “Margin Call”

video via IFC, winners list via HuffPo