History has not been kind to Star Wars Episode I, mostly because it sucked. But that won’t stop Lucasfilm from re-releasing it in 3D, which they’ve been promoting constantly with an extended trailer on Cartoon Network. Luckily this turd cloud has a silver lining, because the folks at Aggrogate decided to re-record the whole thing as death metal. 
I improved it by adding some death metal vocals and a Cannibal Corpse soundtrack. Yes, that’s every line of the trailer re-recorded with a death metal voice. You can tell it’s death metal singing because you can’t understand most of it. That’s how you know it’s working. [Aggrogate]
I have to say, I find the death metal version strangely tolerable. George Lucas should re-release the entire series as a death metal video. He’d probably have to re-title it CORPSE F*CKED BY A ROBOT or something, but changing his work after the fact doesn’t seem to be an issue for him.
You can see the original TV spot below. The sound R2 makes after Jar-Jar Binks electrocutes his face kind of sounds like a wet fart, which seems fitting.
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I have never wanted movie to bomb as hard as I want this one too.
I knooooow. And,really, who is excited about this? Maybe a handful of kids who don’t know any better?
Ok, I’ll bite. Forgetting the Jar Jar Binks species and the kid they cast for Anakin’s role, I actually like Episode I, for pretty much no other reason than the Jedis/Sith in it.
1. They actually show the Jedis as badass knights, using their force powers to run really fast and jump really high. It’s like their powers wane as the movies go on, until they’re just two old men waving umbrellas at each other.
2. Darth Maul. Dude is fucking trouble. He shows up on a flying motorcycle, says nothing, and starts fighting. The double-edged lightsaber is awesome, and the last 15 minutes are the best lightsaber fight of the entire saga.
3. Ewan McGregor is way better in this movie than the other two.
I may incur a little bit of wrath for sticking up for what is generally a hated movie, and I hate 3D movies, but I’ll probably see this one.
Well…
1. Actually the Jedi are shown as Idiots, which is a theme throughout the entire trilogy of course. Kicking over a few droids isn’t particularly badass and no more or less impressive than anything else they’ve shown Jedi do in these movies. Pay more attention to Qui Gonn letting a kid participate in a bloodsport on his behalf, taking him into a war zone and abandoning the Queen (who he was supposed to protect) in order engage in a personal duel with another (horned) idiot.
2. Again, an Idiot. Says nothing, accomplishes nothing, just stands there and frowns. His sole job was to look after the viceroy and capture the queen and he does neither in order to engage in a duel with the Jedi. Also, a double-edged lightsaber is pretty fucking useless because you get none of the reach benefit of a longer weapon (you can still only grab the handle) and the added danger of slicing your own leg off every time you swirl it around.
Additionally, notice how Amidala and like a dozen armed troopers decide to take the longer route when facing Maul even though in Ep. III it only takes like 4-5 guys to gun down even the best Jedi masters?
It’s also peculiar how, in Ep. 2, Yoda has no problem starting a war to rescue Obi Wan and Anakin while in Ep. 1 the Council couldn’t give less of a shit and instead just sent those two Jedis back to figure things out on their own after they pretty much told them there was an illegal occupation going on.
That’s Lucasian internal logic for you.
Those who do not know canon should not be commenting on events of the film in comparison to the over arching story…Rapax
Also, though there are good and terribly poor aspects in this film, I honestly wonder if most hate comments are posted to gain acceptance from the community..
Let’s face it, the prequels enjoy a hatred that transcends the movie reels and has been largely influenced by the universe’s popularity on the internet …and possibly Lucas’s jowl
I’m still waiting for Vince to fight George Lucas.
Long as I don’t have to fight his daughter. She would almost certainly kick my ass.
I can’t wait until the next trailer for Moonrise Kingdom get released. Wes Anderson is gonna slap-fight you to death. With a scarf.
Needs more Anal Cunt
I think we could say that about most things.
Episode I was horrible but it was no where near as bad as Episode II. At least there was a crazy awesome lightsaber fight mixed into all the shit. Episode II is like catching your parents fucking and being forced to watch it play out.
I agree. I just can’t hate Episode I all that much. It’s terrible, but no more terrible than 80% of movies released in a given year.
Did I hear George Takei in there about a minute in?
Princess Slayer?
*high five*
Princess Slayer refers to Jabba the Hutt as her “Captor of Sin”.
Slayer is thrash metal.
*strokes mullet*
It makes no sense what so ever that this is airing in cartoon network with that awful narrator telling everything like the kids would know what the fuck they are watching despite its a movie that came out 13 years ago. That narrator could be in a fucking scooby doo trailer and it would be the same thing.
R2? What are you on a first name basis with him? Does he call you at home?
So, after 3-D, what else is Lucas going to do with this? Smell-o-vision? Musical? Edgy reboot?
Classic. He’s coca-colaing us. Bastard.
Maybe if he does a “darker and grittier” version wouldn’t be so bad.
I’m more into the house scene.
GATE 1 – THE WORLD OF JEDIS
GATE 2 – IMPERIAL GUARDS ARE WATCHING YOU
GATE 3 – ONLY THE SITH LIVE HERE
GATE 4 – THERE IS NO WAY OUT
GATE 5 – FEEL THE FORCE
GATE 6 – PICK UP YOUR LIGHTSABRES AND FIGHT
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT AND DANCE WITH THE DARK SIDE
[punch dances with plastic light sabre, scares cats, knocks over trashcan]
George Lucas is like my Grandmother’s dog, Charlie. Charlie isn’t a chubby dog. Charlie is fucking fat. Like, his stomach nearly touches the ground when on all fours, fat.
Is it Charlie’s fault that Granny likes to shake hands with him and subsequently gives him a treat for doing it? Furthermore, is it his fault that she has Alzheimer’s and a Costco-sized container of treats?
My point is, we need to stop feeding Charlie or he’s liable to get the doggie ‘beetus.
I hope Lucas gets dog diabetes.
They made a death metal Star Wars trailer and DIDN’T use music by Vader? For shame.
‘Particle Man’ by They Might Be Giants seems like a more appropriate fit.
How FUCKING SERIOUSLY CONFLICTED would Jake Lloyd be if they asked him to edit this trailer?
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