I actually have a lot of respect for actors and actresses who refuse to play along with the whole superficial awards season ass-kissing routine, and especially the ones who don’t kowtow to the bronzer-faced, stuffed-shirt jackwagons who do most of the red carpet interviews. I just think it speaks better of you to be openly disdainful of the highlighted hot air balloon of a person in front of you rather than spend five minutes earnestly discussing the psychology behind your gown selection process like Cameron Diaz did (“Maybe it’s because I’m an only-child with a Libra rising, but f*ck it, I dig sequins, you know?”). But even I have to admit that Richard Dreyfuss may have gone a little overboard. I mean wow. The video is below. Set phasers to “open contempt.”
He seems instantly hateful toward an interviewer who would have the audacity to call him the youngest winner of the best actor Oscar for
Jaws The Goodbye Girl, when he was 30. Which is
INTERVIEWER: How did that change your life?
DREYFUSS: …Well, it made the rest of my life longer, until someone else younger won.
INTERVIEWER: Right, Adrien Brody.
Again, also true. That was a tough response, and the interviewer still nailed it. No effing way Seacrest knew that. Billy Bush probably would’ve laughed uncomfortably and pointed to something something shiny.
DREYFUSS: Actually, it was Mickey Rooney in 1935, for A Midsummer Night’s Dream. And if he didn’t win it, he deserved to.
Uh… what? With the benefit of Google at my disposal, I can tell you that Mickey Rooney won a Academy Juvenile Award (they used to have those) at the 11th Academy Awards in 1939, and that A Midsummer Night’s Dream did indeed come out in 1935, but Jesus Christ that is an obscure reference. HOW DARE YOU NOT BRING UP THAT OBSCURE PIECE OF TRIVIA TANGENTIALLY RELATED TO WHAT YOU JUST ASKED ME! RESOLVE ME FROM THIS CRETINOUS PUKESLUG!
INTERVIEWER: Out of the current crop of young actors, is there anyone out there that excites you, that makes you think “that is a great actor?”
DREYFUSS: (*looks at interviewer like he is a complete and utter moron*) Uhhhh, I don’t go to movies anymore. I… I don’t really go to movies, and… I’m busy. I’m busy being married and retired.
Retired as of… 2011 when you did four episodes of Parenthood? Or 2012, in which you have two TV shows and a movie in production?
INTERVIEWER: And how’s that going?
DREYFUSS: Well, I’m trying to save the country and win the Nobel.
MOVE OVER MARK WAHLBERG! BALLSVILLE HAS A NEW SHERIFF! You heard it here, folks, only the Dreyfuss-Wahlberg-Gingrich ticket can give us a terrorist-free moonbase powered by green energy.
DREYFUSS: How can you help?
INTERVIEWER: Focus on the constitution, right?
Was this a total stab in the dark? Either way, it seems to work. Much as he gets completely crapped on, this interviewer seems to have done his homework.
DREYFUSS: Yeah. I want people to re-sign the preamble. As a matter of fact, I’d like everyone in the country to resign the preamble.
Are you familiar with the preamble? Nice message, but not exactly a plethora of specific tips for modern living. And if you’re black, you have to read the first part as “we the three-fifths of the people.” If you’re a woman, you have your husband read it, and serve it to him with a sandwich just to be on the safe side.
…just as a reaffirmation of who we are. Because every people has a right to know, who they are, and why they are.
For instance, WHY are this peon asking me questions about Mickey Rooney? I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize here.
…So the Koch Brothers, I invite to sign the preamble. And if they’re gentlemen, and they say no, they should explain why.
What, you’re not familiar with the Koch Brothers? Maybe ask your mother. Your mother knows the Koch Brothers. Your mother LOVES the Koch.Yeah, that’s a pun, son. It was invented in 1926 by Shirley Temple, look it up. I’m done with this clown, Dreyfuss out. (*snaps fingers, carried away by assistants*)
I want more like this!
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