Image via Shutterstock
In my continued attempts to explain film-related legal issues in a more simple, straightforward manner than you will see in most mainstream outlets, I bring you this news: Michael Moore and the Weinstein brothers have settled their lawsuit over the profits from Fahrenheit 9/11.
Basically, here’s what happened: A couple chubby blowhards worked together to make a movie about 9/11, and the movie made a cubic buttload of money. Then the one blowhard was like “Okay, here’s your cut” and the other blowhard was all “Yo this seems a little light, ése” and the first blowhard was like “Eh, blow me.” So the second blowhard was like “I am going to do a bunch of research about this, okay I am done with the research now and you hid 2.7 million big ones in profits to avoid paying me” and the first blowhard was all “I repeat, blow me. And if anyone in the press is listening you can quote me on that.” Then the second blowhard went “I’ll see you in court” and the first blowhard screamed “THHUUUNNDDEEERRDDOOOMMEEE” — which is a standard answer to a complaint in California — so they went to court and ended up settling all secret-like for an undisclosed amount.
In summation, my OFFICIAL LEGAL ANALYSIS is that both of these guys should probably lose a couple pounds or calm down a little because all this stress can’t be good for their hearts. Here to help.
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9/11 was an outside job.
I can’t look at a picture of Michael Moore and not think he smells like the fryer oil at a McDonalds.
Fucking Danger, can’t even properly accent ése.
On a post that can vaguely be connected to the topic of foreigners coming to this country to ruin/blow it up, I can only assume that Danger knew the sensitive nature of using acute accents.
Amurica!
[commits ritualized suicide]
[haunts Vince as a ghost]
[moves all his stuff around]
[giggles when he bumps into things]
I realized that Michael Moore’s movies aren’t nearly as outraging if you just pay attention to stuff. You get all your outrages out as the events happen instead of during the two hours you still care after watching the movie.
“I can’t wait to eat all that money”
It’s one thing to choose to be fat, even though you’re rich. That’s maybe something he really has a lot of issues controlling. But he could afford to get a suit.
What’s the over-under on the number of times one of them demanded to be fed a stray cat?
“I tooold you Herrveee, I did all the dang reeeserch on the laarge prahfits you made. Somebody’s gottooo pay for my 6 deely Big Boy meeals.”
convincing Midwestern accent?
It is clear to me, and should be to you, that in the banner pic the photog captured the moment that Mike had smelled his finger, and recalled where it had been.
In New York restaurants he’s known as Michael Moar.
So the original Bear Jew and the original Power Bottom Bear blew hard?
Hey! Two men entered, both men left! That’s illegal, man.
“So we are in agreement. Mr. Weinstein, you will get your three chubby concubines on a pile of movie ticket receipts and Mr. Moore you will get a ten year supply of nacho cheese covered pez and hotdog parfaits.”
Anyone else find it ironic that Moore claims to be a fighter for the “99%” but then goes on a temper tantrum to keep more money from a film he made and then proceeds to make a movie denouncing a capitalist system that allowed him to make so much money in the first place?